Song : Say something by A great Big World ft Cristina Aguilera

It was cold...

Seungri stand in front of the large glass window, leaning at the frame while looking down at the busy street of lively Soul high way. He brace himself, rubbing his palm at both of his side... trying to escape from the coldness of December. A single sigh escapes itself from his lung, along with the lonely tears that began to flows down from the corner of his eyes..

Its not the seasons that bring the coldness in, it was the presence of the warmness that he loved the most..

Where did it go? He just don't know.. He close his eye and without he realize, it began to slipped away.

"Where did you go?" He ask softly as his eyes never left the blonde haired man infront of him. He can't even hide his disappointment anymore. It was too much.

The blonde take off his jacket before throwing it on the couch. "Studio.." He answered nonchalantly, without even bothered to looked at the younger male.

"You should at least tell me.."

"Tsk... What are you? My mom?".

It's cold.. Seungri close his eyes for a while. Trying to hold back the tears that about to flow down any soon. Since when did he became this cold? Seungri ask himself.

"Hyung..." He call, which the blonde hummed annoyingly as a responce. Seungri feels a lump at the back of his throat. "Why you treat me like this?"

Jiyong turn his face to the younger, staring right into the dark orbs and Seungri heart began to pound. He was nervous because the eyes that were staring at him now was filled with nothing but anger, sadness and disappointment.

"You should ask yourself Ri.. You're the one who turn me to a person I am right now..." Knives, Jiyong's world felt like knives. He hung his head low, didn't dare to face that hazel eyes anymore.

"I've love you..." The blonde say faintly, feeling so weak to stand on his feet. More than anger, it was disappointment is in his voice. "I've give you everything.. I trust you with my heart and what you do to it Ri?"

Seungri can no longer hold back his tears. He let it flow, wetting his cheek. "I'm sorry..." That was the only thing he manage to bring out.

Jiyong take a step closer toward the fragile body and pull it into his embrace, burying his face into the crook of his lover's neck. "I... I wish I could forgive you Ri.. but it was too painful.. I never thought you'll betray me like this and the most painful part is, out of all people.. It was my own bestfriend. Why Ri?".

Seungri just could shake his head as his voice was being replaced by an endless sobs. He was disgusted with his own self. What he was thinking that time, he just don't know. "I'll fix it.. please.." He plead shamelessly, swallowing all his pride in front of the man he loved the most.

Jiyong was trembling and Seungri knows well that the blonde has started crying. He want to hug him so much but before he could, Jiyong pull away, taking a step back that seems like a great distance for Seungri.

Nothing hurt more than to feels like he can't reach Jiyong anymore. It's like the blonde was taking a steps back from their love and Seungri really can't do anything about it.

The blonde's eyes were teary, his breath hitch and the smile he put on his perfect lips seems so sad as he continue to stare at the younger.

"Please.. don't say it.." Seungri plead in his heart, looking deep into that pair of hazel eyes but he trembled as he can't see any sight of love that used to be there anymore. He was feeling so small under those stare.

Jiyong wipe his tears away, taking a deep breath. He don't want this but now, everything is unfixable.

"Lee Seunhyun.. you're the one that I love.. The one that I'm willing to sacrifice anything.. I'll gave up everything I have for you. I had love you so much..." This time, Jiyong doesn't even wipe his tears. His heart was aching, more that he could ever bear. The person that he hoped to take care of his heart, his love.. had steeped on it like it was nothing.

If you love someone, you'll close your eyes for every flaws they have or did - they say, but just how long he could stand this pain? Just how long he'll close his eyes and pretend like the pain doesn't effect him? Sometimes, he wonder.. what does Seungri takes him for?

"Hyung.. I'm sorry.. Please. Don't leave me.." Seungri try to take Jiyong's hand in his own but being push away by the older. It was gentle but enough to tell him that everything is too late. As much as his heart don't want to believe, this thing is acctualy happening.

Their love is like a glass. Just waiting for it to hit the cold and hard ground before it got shattered into an unfixable mess.

"This is me.. I'm saying good bye to you.. To our love." Jiyong stood there.. staring at the broken mess in front of him. It time to start a new.. "I'm giving up on you.. This love, I can't fight for it anymore. Sorry that I couldn't get to you.. I'm sorry. I used to love you so much."

With the last word, Jiyong grab his jacket and dissapear behind the front door.. Leaving Seungri in his guilt and mourn.

Seungri fall down on his knees... burying his face on his palm. Crying and called the blonde faintly even tho he know that Jiyong couldn't hear anymore. Even if he does hear, he won't returned back.

It was cold.. and Seungri was left behind.

Seungri reach forward and unlock the key of the glass window before he push it open, letting more coldness in. He don't feel a thing, beside of the numbing pain of his bleeding heart.

The snow start to fall and some of it land on his hand. Seungri watch it melt, turning into a clear water droplets. It's ironic how he found his love when the snow falls and now, he lost that love...

Seungri fish out his phone from his pocket and began to typed something on it before putting it back inside. He shuddered as the cold wind hits his face.

Jiyong is the reasons that he live and now, it seems like the reasons is all gone. Beside, to live with regret and pain is not fun at all. Seungri smiled at his pathetic self. I'm giving up too. He whisper softly as he look down his lonely apartment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Pathetic". Jiyong murmured softly as he looked at his own reflection at the mirror. Swollen eyes, messy hair and stinky breath is what his eyes could see and his head hurts like hell when he just woke up that morning due to his massive hangover.

After he get out from what used to be his and Seungri's apartment, Jiyong goes straight to the night club and drink alcohol like there's is no tomorrow. He wants to get out from this pain and getting dead drunk is the only easiest way.

Lucky for him, big Seunhyun was there at that time and manage to saves him from a bunch of girls that trying to get advantage of his drunken state. He then, take the drunken mess back to his home.

Jiyong swallows the painkillers and drinks the water that have been placed on the nightstand when he walk back to his bed. It must be big Seunhyun who placed it there for him. It's kinda remind him of Seungri. Jiyong shakes the past memories out of his head. He don't want to remember a thing.

He lay back on the mattress, waiting for his headache to subsides. Jiyong grabs his phone and notice a message notification when he turn it on. His heart feels uneasy but nevertheless, he decide to open it anyway. It was from Seungri. His lips curled into a sad smile as he see the nicknames that he reserved for his used to be love.

From: Baby Ri~

'Hyung.. honestly, I don't know what to say anymore because sorry is not enough right? Its never enough but hyung, what can I say to you other than that? I love you so much hyung. It's true I've been cheating behind your back with Youngbae hyung but whatever I did, my heart is always yours hyung. I'm very stupid for doing that to you but I guess that time, I just miss you so much. You're away from me, always busy with your music and work. I'm lonely and he was there. I thought its the only way to get out from my pain of missing you, but I was wrong. I'm just confused. I never thought that everything will turn out to be like this.. Guess, I should've wait for you a little longer huh? Guess I should be more loyal to you.. it's too late now. I hope that I could go back and fixed everything but I just can't.. so now, if you've make your mind.. I guess, even though it hurt, I have to accept it.

I try to tell you what I've been feeling all this time, but in front of you I feel so small.. I lost my confidence that it hurts you but hyung, if I want to tell you.. do you have time to listen? You never there for me hyung.. I'm sorry.. For you, I'll swallow all my pride. You're the one I love and you're the one who saying good byes.

Kwon Jiyong. I never want to give up on you... this love, I want to fight for it. I was the one who ruined it.. and it won't be easy to fix. I'm willing to get hurt when I pick all the shattered piece but if you left me like this.. I won't be able to do it. I know I don't even deserve to talk like this to you anymore.. but hyung. I love you so much.

The reasons for me to live is no longer exist.. You giving up on me, and I giving up on every reasons I have to stand on my feet. Take care hyung.. I hope you'll find another happiness but as for me, I'll wait for you.

Jiyong don't realize a tears that flowing down on his cheeks as he read the message. Maybe he was wrong.. why would he gave up on something that he had fought so hard to get? He must get it back. He thought to himself as he rolled out from the bed, ignoring the stinging pain in his head and grabs all his belonging before rushing out from the bedroom.

He stops his track when he see Seunhyun, sitting on his fine black leather couch while staring at his tv screen. Why big Seunhyun cry?

"Hyung.. are you okay?" He asked carefully. It was him who supposed to cry to death from his break up not Seunhyun.

"Ji.." Seunhyun stare at his dongsaeng's face symphatically before signalling the confused blonde to watch the tv screen.

Jiyong heart began to raced inside his chest as he placed himself beside Seunhyun.

It was a morning news. The reporters was talking about the scene behind her back. There were a few man wearing white uniforms lifting what seems like a dead body that have been covered with black plastic into the ambulances. The polices were covering the place and trying to held back the curious passerby and local people that had been peering their head to look at the scene.

"What is this all about hyung?" Jiyong ask Seunhyun that now already sobbing hard beside him. He don't understand a thing.

He immediately turn his face back toward the screen when the reporter start to speak. Jiyong heart drop and his face went white as sheet.

'Lee Seunhyun, or better known as Seungri the fifth member of famous Korean boy band.. Big Bang has found dead in front of his apartment this morning. The police say that..'

Seunhyun immediately turn off the tv and pull Jiyong's shaking body into a hug. Jiyong mind goes blank. Seungri... his maknae is dead but they just talked last night. It must be other Seungri.. Jiyong told himself as he struggled out from Seunhyun's arm.

He takes out his phone and began to dials the younger's one number but he can't get through so, he dials their apartment's number.. Seunhyun just could only watch his dongsaeng helplessly.

Jiyong heard someone pick up the phone. "Seungri-ya! You-"

'Annyeonghaseyo!! This is Seungri~ and his boyfriend!'. Jiyong was silenced as he heard Seungri's cheerful voice and his own voice on the other side as he reach the voice mail.

'We're not at home~ or maybe at home but we're so busy to pick up your calls.. you know doing thing like~ Anywayyy! Please leave your message after this beep sound and don't hear what Jiyongie hyung say because he's~ Don't call my boyfriend too often! Maknae is mine!!~ Stop it hyung! Seriously. Well, good bye. Have a nice day.'

"Jiyong-ah.. Let's go to the hospital. They already there.. The police.. they want." Seunhyun just can't continue his word once Jiyong falls on his knees. He immediately rushed toward the blonde. "Ji.." The rapper voice trembled as he try to held back his already flowing out tears as he see how weak Jiyong was.

"Why I can't contact him? We just talk last night.. Did he mad at me hyung?". He ask the older, clutching both of his hand to stop it from shaking.

"He's gone Ji-ah.. He's gone." Seunhyun murmured softly, still hugging the trembling body as he hoped that it'll help to comfort the younger eventho he know that it won't.

And there, they sit in silences.. only a faint sobs could be heard from Seunhyun while Jiyong just could stare blankly at the floor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Seungri-ya!!" Jiyong yell as he been woken up abruptly from his sleep. He flicks his comforter away and walk toward his bedroom door, calling Seungri name over and over until he spotted the back of his young lover at the kitchen.

He sigh in relieve and hurriedly walk toward the maknae before slipping his bony arm around the younger's waist. Jiyong rested his head on Seungri's shoulder.

"Nightmares?" The black haired boy ask softly and he smiled softly as he feel a gentle nods on his shoulder.

"I'm having the worst nightmare ever." Jiyong sigh.

"Tell me about it."

"I hurt your feeling and we fight." Jiyong tightened his grip on Seungri. "I left you.. and the next morning. I found out that you left me... forever."

"I'll never leave you hyung.. why would I? Your love is like air to me. If I leave you, how am I supposed to breath? and if you leave me.. it's mean like you've cut my air supply and left me there to die slowly."

Jiyong lost in his own thought after he hear to his lover's word. "Then, I'll never leave you.. My love." He smiled and give his lover's soft cheek a quick kiss.

"Eyy- so cheesy.. I don't need such a cheesy boyfriend hyung.."

Jiyong chuckled softly. "But as I remember, someone write in his so called man journal something like I would like to have a cheesy boyfriend. I'm just fullfilling your wishes my sweetheart." The blonde smile wholeheartedly and continue to peck Seungri's cheek as he see the younger face blush slightly.

"What? You read my journal?" Jiyong put his hand on Seungri's shoulder as the younger turn his body to face him.

"Who told you to leave it open on your desk. It's like welcoming me to take a peak." He stare at his boyfriend who folding his arm around his chest, pouting adorablely.

"I'm sorry?". Jiyong kiss the pouty lips.

"Aish.. I forgive you.. but just this time." He smiled softly and Jiyong turn his peck into a full kiss on those soft lips.

"I love you.." Seungri stare at his lover with sad eyes as they broke apart.

"I love you with love that is more than a love. I love you with all my heart." Jiyong hugs him tightly, afraid to let go as if he afraid that when he let go.. Seungri will dissapear.

Jiyong feel so relieve that everything is just a nightmare. He can't ever let Seungri go. This love is too precious to him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Daesung, Seunhyun and Youngbae sits there in silences as they hear their leader's voice and laughter at their dorm kitchen. They can't do anything about it.

It have been a month since their one and only maknae pass away, leaving them in complete sadness and pressuring scandals. Seungri's death has been confirmed as suicide and YG manage to get his connection to covers thing up for his company label and his business. Their reputation is almost healed now.

It's clearly unfair but Seungri's death is not really his fault anyway but they and even Seungri's family didn't dare to blame it on the only person who has been a half of their maknae's life.. Kwon Jiyong.

Jiyong life has been down the hill since that tragedy. He look normal on the outsider eyes, even their fans was gratefull that the mighty leader manage to pull out and move on but then, to the members.. Jiyong is far from normal.

Jiyong was still trapped in his world of loneliness. Never try to get out no matter how hard they try to pull him. One time, Jiyong will be like his normal self.. laughing, smiling and even crack a few silly jokes with them. It make them forget that their leader is still sick until Jiyong start to talk alone and get insanely mad if one of them mistakenly say the truth about their maknae.

"Ji, I'm sorry." Youngbae put his hand on his bestfriend shoulder. He can no longer watch.

Jiyong turn his face and smile at Youngbae. "What for? Its all the past Bae. I've forgive you and so do maknae. Right Seungri?"

Youngbae stare at the floor. He feel so guilty.. If not because of him all this won't happen.