Chapter 18

Warmth. That was the first thing she felt. Her breath came out long and slow. She must have been asleep. She opened her eyes, and looked around. She was in her apartment, lying on her couch, with a blanket pulled over her. She heard voices nearby. It sounded like two men. They were speaking softly, and she couldn’t make out what they were saying.

She heard the front door close, and then slowly sat up.

Sungmin was walking towards her. He stopped in his tracks when he saw that she was awake, and then rushed to her side.

He knelt down in front of her, and then asked “How are you feeling?”

Sara looked at him in confusion. “What happened?” she asked.

“You fainted. I carried you up here, and then called the doctor. He examined you, and saw that your leg was hurt. It was blue all over. He said you injured your knee, and that your ankle is probably twisted.”

Sara moved the blanket aside, and saw that her left leg was heavily bandaged, right up to her thigh. She still had on her dress, but nothing else. She looked up, and saw Sungmin watching her with an unreadable look on his face.

“What’s wrong?” she asked him.

“What’s wrong?!” he asked her incredulously, the anger in his voice rising.

 “Look at you! You were this hurt! Why didn’t you tell me?! Why didn’t you let me know you were in pain when you were climbing up all those stairs? I led you up here like a fool, without knowing anything!”

Sara was startled by his words, but she didn’t back down.

 “What would you have done if I had told you?” she asked him fiercely.

“Would you have carried me all the way over here? Or taken me to go see a doctor? Would you sacrifice so much of your time for a stranger?! Why would you? Who am I to you? I’m nobody!” Sara stared at him, waiting for his answer.

Sungmin looked down, and gazed at his hands for a few seconds, then looked up at Sara, with nothing but sincerity in his eyes.

“I would have done it all, if only you had told me.”

Sara looked at him, struck by his statement. Then she turned away, and asked

“Why?”

“Because I care about you. Even though I haven’t known you that long. I feel like I do know you. When I saw what Donghae was doing to you, I couldn’t help but do something about it, and when the doctor showed me what had happened to your leg, I couldn’t help but blame myself for it. I should have watched you more carefully; I should have realized that something was wrong…”

He stopped talking, and looked away, unable to meet her gaze.

Sara was touched, but she was still confused about her feelings. She had already decided that she wouldn’t bother anyone else with her problems from now on, but Sungmin’s words had already caught hold of her. She didn’t know how to react.

She regained her composure, and then said:

“You don’t have to feel guilty about what happened Sungmin-shi. It was foolish of me, but I did it to myself.

 I didn’t want to burden anyone else with my problems; that’s why I didn’t tell you. It’s all my fault, don’t blame yourself…”

Sara stopped talking, and choked back her tears. She realized that in this too, she had failed. She had wanted to be able to take care of herself, but here was Sungmin, sitting in front of her, worrying over her self-inflicted injuries. She couldn’t stop her tears from falling, and she hated herself for it. She wanted Sungmin to go away, so she could cry, but instead, he came closer.

Sara was unprepared for it, but when Sungmin reached out for her and held her in his arms, she didn’t even flinch. Her body went limp, and she felt herself drowning into him. All of her built up anger and tension melted away. All that was left was an extraordinary feeling of relief. She clutched the back of his t-shirt and allowed herself to cry.

“It’s ok; don’t be too hard on yourself. I’m sorry for taking out my temper on you. I was just worried…” Sungmin said while gently patting her back. He held onto her until her sobs subsided, and even after that, he didn’t let go. They both remained in each other’s embrace, seeking comfort in their newfound closeness, neither of them wanting to let go.