Hey guy i seem to have missed out a few paragraphs when pasting updated verion Sorry

 Beta Thanks to ankre28

UPDATED Chapter 34

“Everyone knowns what I did know  won’t they?” Jaejoong spoke out after a little while,  looking down, Donghae placed his arm around Jaejoong shoulder,

“So what?” Donghae told him. “Who cares….?” Jaejoong knew Donghae was doing his best to cheer him up, but he hated it, even if he couldn’t admit it, he hated it. He just look around. He didn’t need this, and it would probably be worse when  he got him, he looked back  toward Yunho who was chatting away to Junsu.

“What’s up?”

“Nothing I-I... it’s nothing…” Jaejoong bit his tongue.

“What can’t talk to me anymore…?” Donghae asked.

“It’s not that it’s just I down want to bring up the past.  I’m Trying really hard but it’s not easy.”

“No one said it would be easy…it takes a lot from what has happen, but  you just got to take it one day at a time. And before you say anything yes Umma is a hot head, we always knew that growing, but his hearts in the right, It no question that his outburst are usually because of concern.  It not like  he…. They Umma & Appa put you ahead of everything,  Think about it you had leukaemia when your where three year old. Umma and &  Appa flow us across the world just to get you treatment.”

“I’m not saying that Hyung… I know that Hyung they did everything for me

“Then what, if you don’t speak up no ones going to know what wrong…Jae..” Donghae had a point to, If he didn’t speak up no one would  what was wrong. But Jaejoong wasn’t good with words. Good with holding thing back yes, He was the sort of person who hold things up inside telling them billed and billed.

“JAEJOONG…!” The second Jaejoong heard that voice he stopped in his tracked turning slightly just to see his parents.  Heechul stood still not sure if he could approach him. “I’m sorry Jaejoong.” It was better to start off  calmly, Siwon was just happy no harm had come to his son and his eldest had looked out for him. “Forgive me Jaejoong…Please.” Heechul took a step forward, “Forgive my action.. I just…

“Don’t want to see me hurt myself!” Jaejoong  answered.

“Jae…” His father called slowly but it was Heechul stop, he needed to talk to his son first, it was his fault this morning no one else’s.” I know you have a lot of anger Jae and I only want to understand.”

“Do you still think I did something this morning…?” Jaejoong questioned their gaze. Donghae kept his arm around Jaejoong shoulder just in cause he decided to run and bolt again,  But it was Yunho who step in,

“ Maybe it would be better if  you didn’t discuss this out in the open, Homes not to far from here.” Yunho did his best to sound convincing, he wanted to stop Jaejoong  from saying thing he had built up  inside. Yunho knew Jaejoong was like a ticking time bomb  Like they needed people in the street  staring at them at them while they where having a family discussion. Heechul reach out for Jaejoong hand. Only to be shook off

“You’re unbelievable…. “ Jaejoong mouthed off,

“Jaejoong…enough we know we have upset you….” Siwon did his best to reason with Jaejoong but Jaejoong continued.

“upset sure what would you know……..it’s not like your my father or anything….. or you’re my Mother…” That statement really hurt Heechul and Siwon but the worst was yet to come. “Sure you’re probably wishing you never adopted me either… all I caused you was pain and money problem. It you asked me  it would have been better for all  off you if I never appeared in you’re live’s…

“ That’s not true….” Heechul told him but right now Heechul words were going on deaf ears.

 “Sure why should you have to deal will me….It’s not like my real parents want me either, they got lucky getting  rid of me was  probably the best thing they could have ever done….

“Jae… Please

“What…. ? Sure think about it, you all had to deal with me having  leukaemia no once but twice… it probably would have been in you’re best interest  if you  let me die…” No one believed Jaejoong words, his face told them the truth, his swollen red eye, yes he said it, but yes he didn’t mean it… he  was just blowing off steam. And at the moment he had a lot  to get rid of.

“Don’t ever say that Jaejoong,” Heechul  pulled Jaejoong  into a hug, He was glad when Jaejoong didn’t push him away, “Please…. Don’t  say anymore…. “Umma Sorry Jaejoong Umma Sorry….. Jaejoong

“Please….

“let … go.” Jaejoong wanted to see if his mother would listen to him but nothing.

“Can’t you just listen to what we have to say?” Heechul pleaded with his son, “I know  I…we have upset you.  I know I maybe wrong… but I only wanted to understand…

“ Stop saying upset……. You  don’t even know what going through my head,”Jaejoong pulled back, “Why should I….?” Jaejoong managed to pull away from his mother, “ When you can’t even listening to me when I’m talking to you.

“Jae….That’s not fare..?” Donghae tried to interfere but it back fired.

“Fare what… Like my life has to do anything  with being fair. I wish you didn’t adopt me …..” That was the final word Jaejoong spoke to them that day.  He didn’t even want to listen to what they wanted to say to him, not right now, he was to angry or sad he couldn’t even tell himself from all the confusion.

Heechul was sitting outside Jaejoong’s bedroom door. He’s been there for a little while after bring up some food, hoping to see his son. Jaejoong had locked himself away from everyone since they got back. “Jae, I know you don’t want to talk to me but please at least eat something. I’m sure Jiji hungry. Don’t forget to feed her…” Heechul had no idea if his son was even listening but he wasn’t going to stop. “I’m right here when you want to talk. Or slash out at… I’ll always be you Umma Jaejoong. It may feel different now but I will always be your Umma no matter what, your father too and Donghae we’re your family nothing will change that, I promise you that.”

“Heechul come down for a while, he’ll come out when he’s ready.” Siwon told him handing him over another tray with food,

“I think I’ll just stay here a while longer.” Siwon nodded before heading back downstairs. Kangin and Leeteuk held a look of concern.

“Anything?” Leeteuk asked. Siwon shook his head, “I say it’s hitting them both hard. We thought we were making good progress, but we’ve just gone and made ten steps back with Jaejoong’s progress.” Siwon leaned back in the seat his hand rubbing his eyes. “Right now Jaejoong needs space, he’s hurting. Not just because of what happened this morning, more so about the things he said to his mother and I.”

“Yunho told me, Jaejoong was questioning a lot of things when he found him. Family one of those things…”

“Yeah, I can gather what he was wondering. Probably too much for a troubled 15 years old to be asking who’s already dealing with a lot. I always wondered how he’d take it, I had it all planned out, but like that was about to happen. It would probably have been better if we didn’t hold it back from him. But what could we do? We chose to hold off on it. Probably a mistake but at the time it seemed right. We just had it in our mind if we could get past the six months of Jaejoong’s treatment and we’d be able to tell him. We kept putting off, not because we hadn’t planned to, we always had, but we just saw Jaejoong as our son, we’ll get through it. We always do… I have to believe that.” Siwon looked around. “Where Donghae? I should at least talk to him about it.”

“He’s at the back with our boys and Junsu.” He looked out seeing all boys around the garden table, talking. He couldn’t help but wonder if he went out to them would they become quiet, he really wanted to test his theory. “Think I’m do a motherly snoop and see what the boys are up to no good, “Kangin waited until his wife left when Kangin asked. “How about a drink, it looks like you could do with one?” Siwon nodded he wasn’t about to say no.

“That would be great.”

“I’m sorry, if my son hadn’t lost something, none of this would have…”

“It’s not like kids don’t lose things, they are kid after all. And we didn’t help matter with what we were thinking. But I see it when Jaejoong was yelling and us, I could see the truth. He really didn’t have a clue as to what we were on about. That in my opinion just made me feel even more guilty.” Kangin held out a glass towards  Siwon.

“You’ve had a rough year, it’s understandable.”

“Maybe but we can’t always use that were supposed to be moving forward, leaving the past in the past… but here we are again. I just hope we haven’t pushed Jaejoong to far now.

“Kids are resilient, they have a way of bouncing back.” Siwon couldn’t help but wonder was Jaejoong willing to bounce back.

****

Jaejoong had no intention of talking to his parents that was the last thing on his mind at the moment. He couldn’t put his finger on it but he didn’t really feel angry or upset, it was more like he felt let down but them. It was hard, he admitted it contemplating on what he would say to them when he managed to build up the courage to face them. It had been a rough year but that was over the year now and he was doing everything he could to forget, but everything always lead back to that moment. He placed the pillow over his face contemplating screaming into it. He placed the pillow to the side looking to the door; he knew his mother was outside his room he couldn’t face him. He did want to apologise but where could he start, “so stupid.” Jaejoong placed his pillow back over his face and muttered, he stayed like that most of the night his eyes and face swollen not an ounce of sleep. Why did everything get so out of hand, He asked himself. Question after question looking for the right answer. But there was no right answer, everything led to more questions and the last, ‘why him? Why him when everything seemed to be going along smoothly?

“Jae please talk to me…” Jaejoong sat up on his bed holding the pillow to his chest. He knew his mother strong will would keep him talking through a closed door. Even if Jaejoong wasn’t listening, his mother would repeat himself with different words, trying to get the same message across. His mother wouldn’t intruded to his space not after what had happen this morning, once was enough for today. Though it was probably what he wanted. Jaejoong thought back to the moment he was allow out of hospital after the incident. He wasn’t allowed to lock or close his door to his bedroom. If he was in the house someone had to be around, if he left the house someone had to accompany him, not that he did. And even though he was always been watched, that didn’t bother him at the time. Jaejoong listened to his mother for over an hour before it became quiet. He waited to see if he only stopped to take a breath or would his mother descend away. But that didn’t happen he assumed his mother was sitting on the ground outside his door it was confirm when he heard his father voice over an hour later.

“Come on Heechul, there’s no point in sitting their. Give him some space. He’ll probably be ready to talk to us tomorrow.” Jaejoong heard his father.

“I just want to make sure he’s alright.” Jaejoong heard his mother say as he lay back on the bed in the darkness.

“I know you do, but we have to. Come on everything will seem different tomorrow.” Jaejoong repeated his father word over and over again, what could be different? He didn’t know what it could be. Yes he had come along way, was he going to hold it against them? He himself felt he had made progress though a little is better than nothing right? Jaejoong lay on his back, contemplating what he would do when he felt a sharp scratch on his leg. He sat up looking at the culprit. There was a grey cat getting his attention her eye on him as he moved, Jaejoong leaned over and scratched under her chin. “You’re hungry aren’t you? I’m sorry Jiji wait a little longer and I’ll get you something okay?” Jaejoong spoke to the cat, Jaejoong felt his little tabby cat was angry with him when she jumped of his bed and went to her own space in the corner. Jaejoong lay back down and his side. He didn’t know why when he heard the sound of the handle on his door been pulled down. Jaejoong closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep. He had his back to the door but that didn’t stop the person from coming in. He felt pressure on his bed…

“You can stop pretending to be a sleep now, here eat not point staving yourself.” A plate was forced in front of Jaejoong face when he turned to look up at who came in. Who turned his attention to the cat. “Here you go fur ball i know your hungry, but you owner here is not ready to face people, he lost help him will you...”  Yunho turned back to Jaejoong giving him a look. “Eat already you haven’t eaten all day, besides you’ll only feel more down if you don’t eat something.“ Jaejoong lifted up the sandwich and placed it into this mouth, he was hungry. "That's better..." Yunho looked at him. “Finished them and go to bed, you feel better in the morning.” Jaejoong wanted to say no he wouldn’t, but what came out was

" I wish everyone would stop saying that..... what will be better...?" Yunho didn't answer he just gave Jaejoong a look. "Tell me.... what will be better? What am i not seeing... I'm still adopted, they don't trust me... they probably don't even want me....? "Yunho  wouldn't answer Jaejoong self pity comment  if he did it would probably just led Jaejoong to more question, but he seen it. Only Jaejoong could make the answer for him self. He had a choice and it was his choice to take. Yunho could only leave hint and hopes Jaejoong would find the right answer from himself.

“How'd you get your eyes so red?” Yunho looked at Jaejoong’s eyes, Jaejoong turn his face away from Yunho, “Can I get you anything else?” Jaejoong shook his head no. “Right well, night then. See you at breakfast.” Yunho didn’t wait around he exited the room leaving Jaejoong alone. He looked two the people standing beside him.

“Thank you Yunho.” Heechul spoke softly. Yunho just shrugged his shoulder it was no big deal to him.

“”Is he…?” Heechul was about to ask a question, when Jaejoong door blowed open. His eyes travel to his parents and then to Yunho.

“Oh I get it you can’t face me, so you get other to do your dirty work for you.” Jaejoong mouthed off.

“Jae…” Heechul called out softly he wanted to explain.

“No, I get it. Don’t worry I’m use to be let dow…”

“Are you even listening to yourself?” Yunho mouthed off, “Cop on to yourselve... you'd have to be and iodiot to not see what youre doing. Stop pushing them away... do you like been all alone is that it..... no thought so it eating you up inside right! why can't you talk to them," Yunho looked to Jaejoong and then to Jaejoong parents, "Stop being a brat and grow up! You’re like a child seeking his parents attention, have you even looked at yourself? You’re shaking.” Yunho continued, “Anything you said in the last couple of hours is all about hurting yourselves more inside. I’m right aren’t I? I have to be an idiot not to see your parents care about you and that you care about them. Come on, look at them. They are both right here waiting for you to talk to them about anything, but then again. They think what they’re doing is the right thing, by giving you space, but from where I stand what I see, all you want is their attention. You hate been alone.... Did you forget what you told me?” Yunho asked Jaejoong. “You have questions you wanted to ask them, well look at that I’ve made the first step for you, so here’s your chance, don’t let you emotional cloud what you want to talk to them about.” Yunho shook his head. “Well what are you two waiting for, he wants you to hold him.” Heechul and Siwon looked to one another and then back at Jaejoong, “Jae take the chance, theres no point on letting everything linger. I’d have to be pretty stupid not to see everything you said was in the heat of moment and they know that too. That’s when you said it, it was eating you up inside, but that just makes it worse.” He turned. “Jae… face your problem face forward.... their are people around you who are willing to help you on you way... my adive to you is take it.” Jaejoong timidly looked at Yunho softness in his eyes. “Everything will be better tomorrow trust me.” Yunho made his way to his room. He had never spoken to people like that before he passed his own parents on his way to his room, both of them bewildered at his actions; they had never seen their son lose his cool like that before. He turned to look at his parents. “They don’t need people looking at them.”

Kangin looked to Leeteuk, "What just happen...

"I'm not sure...." Both parent were lost for words,

"Did we just get told off by are son

"I think we did...." Leeteuk anwered" Both wondered when did their son grow up.

Yunho walked into his room closing the door behind him, Jusnu was laying on his bed with Changmin both looked up at him, it wasn’t like they hadn’t hear his outburst, Jusnu clapped his hand.

“No feeling for him ah.....?”

“Who?” Changmin looked at Junsu and then back at Yunho.

“You’re as dense as he is,” Jusnu kicked him, “Give me the control it my turn!”

“Do you have feeling for Jae?” Changmin asked blatantly

“Don’t be silly.” Yunho denied it. Looking at his younger brother who was giving him the look, a smirk lingering on his face, “So little Joongie has captured your heart,” Yunho wanted to hit Changmin, he denied it again. “Get real Changmin…”

“I’m being real, now I know why the sudden change in your personality. Wait till I tell Taemin, his big brother has a crush on.”

“Shut up Changmin.

“Hey hey relax hyung.” Both Junsu and Changmin looked to one another laughed.

“If you two continue get out of my room…”

“We would but… Didn’t we just hear you bellow about giving certain people space?” Yunho found a way to piss them both off by pulled the plug for the wall, both looked at him. “Hey!” As the TV screen went blank.

****

I Realise it have been a while since the last update,, and i can't aplogise  enought... but i am tight from time but i will try my best to update as soon as i can

Comment are welcome...