After yesterday’s incident when Leo’s battery seemed to run out, I decided to take him out somewhere. Before bed time yesterday, I showed Leo my old paintings of a beach and a park, and some pictures of regular public places. When I asked him which of those places he wanted to go to most, Leo seemed to show a lot of interest in the amusement park. He endlessly try to draw the Ferris wheel, which pretty much turn into more childish scribbles which made him look like a little upset when I tuck him in to bed.

When waking up this morning, I found him highly exhilarated—he was sitting hugging his knees in front of my bedroom for god-knows-how-long. I pull on his arm to get him standing up, ruffling his hair playfully. “You liked the idea of going to the amusement park, huh?” he slowly digested my words and nod. He still has his scribbling crumpled in his hands, and he excitedly shows it to me. “Yes, Leo. We’re going there. Hold your horses, will you? You, still have to bath and eat breakfast. A full breakfast. Only then we could go. Understand me?” he nodded excitedly, and hand me the scribbling. I set it aside as I push him to the bathroom, again struggling with the orders to get him to bath. This is going to be one heck of a hectic morning.

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After breakfast, I pack a backpack filled with snacks before dressing up Leo with a sweater and a thick coat; also a beanie and a scarf to make sure he’s warm. I made him wear gloves too, but he kept on taking them off so I gave up in making him wear it. I bought him a new pair of boots a few days ago, and thankfully it fits. Just a bit too big, but a pair of socks would do. Leo seemed to be so exhilarated and nervous about going out, and he kept on walking in a very close proximity to me as we exit the house. We walked hand in hand; after Leo sticks to me a bit too much that it’s very funny to me.

Have I ever mentioned that Leo had a very tall built? Yet he’s rather slouched, and he’s not keen into people. He avoided them. He would stand on my other side if there are people on one side. When we walk into a bit of a crowded bus stop, I could feel his palm sweating, and he—in a weird fashion, of course—hides from all the people using me. Of course, it was a bit funny for me too, considering I only stand as tall as his chest. He had a little sullen pout plastered on his lips until we get into a rather empty bus, where he dragged me to sit by the window. He kept his eyes peeled open, watching every single thing we pass by. I unwraps a lollipop for him and he tried it out hesitantly, what looks like a very aromatic ball of transparent plastic. After a while, Leo liked it a lot that he kept it in his mouth.

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We arrived at the outdoor amusement park just a few minutes after it opened. I bought two tickets and he seemed confused when the cashier put on a paper bracelet on his wrist as we get inside the park. He kept on tugging it, disliking it so much that he scratched his skin until it goes red. Panicked, I clasp his hand with mine, stopping him from hurting himself any longer. “Leo, stop.” I ordered him sternly and he frowned, disliking it still. I think I could figure out something… I told Leo to wait by the entrance as I went to a staff and ask her to put on two bracelets on me, so that Leo wouldn’t have to wear any. I told her Leo had a rash problem, and she seemed to understand—although I’m pretty sure Leo’s problem isn’t rash. She agreed, and cut Leo’s bracelet before putting it on me. He nodded his head in relieve, liking to be free of the bracelet. “You dislike having things wrapped on your wrist, hm? Just like the gloves this morning?” I ask him as we walk hand in hand towards a ride. He hesitantly nod, looking all gloom and sorry. I forced out a laugh and patted his shoulder. “Hey, no looking all sad today! It’s our day out, it should be fun! Come on, Leo!” he nodded hurriedly as he curved his lips upwards again, and he pointed to a major ride in front of us. “That’s a rollercoaster! Do you want to try? It goes very very fast, and it has loops too, but it’s fun!” Leo listened to my explanation and nodded eagerly, following me as I pull his hand towards the short line. We’re lucky it’s not full today, so the lines are short.

After 15 minutes of waiting plus Leo becoming ultra excited that I have to pull him close to me to make sure he doesn’t wander off on his own.

We get the front seat! I told Leo to sit properly as the staff put on his seatbelt and he complied, becoming so much of a good listener because he was so nervous. We held hands as the ride starts very slowly as it goes uphill, before taking a very sharp downhill making my heart stop in shock. I screamed my heart out, thrilled with the strong wind on my skin and the topsy-turvy turns and loops, and I could feel Leo’s grasp on my hand tighten as he open his eyes wide and take every view he could from all the crazy angles, feeling the slightest bit scared.

When we hopped off, Leo tugged on my sleeve gently and pointed again to the line.

“Do you want to get on again?” I looked up to him and he nod repeatedly, practically begging me with his own way. “Alright. We could hop on again,” I smiled as we ran back to the line.

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Lunch time.

I took Leo to several other thrilling rides. He seemed to really like all things adrenaline rushing. I took him for the roller coaster twice, and then on with the pirate ship, and then the hurricane which makes you feel like you really are taken in a hurricane. Then we went to the jumping star, which makes me feel like my heart is ripped out of me fresh.

Okay, break time! I have to get Leo for lunch. I’m afraid he would tire down like yesterday, and then we would get in trouble since I couldn’t piggyback him home when he refused to function, like yesterday. Fortunately for me, he’s being so obedient because he’s very happy. He agreed to have lunch.

I took him to the food court and told him to wait on the seat as I order food. He listened and I gave him a lollipop before going to order food.

As I took our tray of food back, my eyes lay on a group of guys.

Are they--? No… no, this can’t be. NO!!

I hurriedly rush back to our seat, where Leo is gnawing on his lollipop stick. “No, Leo, don’t. You’ll hurt your mouth,” I confiscate his lollipop stick as I put his large portion of grilled food in front of him. I figured it would be very easy to eat for him since everything is diced and made bite-sized, and he had learned to use a fork too.

Faking out a smile, I hand him his fork before he start to wolf down his food. I watched him eat in his regular pace—which is actually a starving guy pace—and force myself to eat a few bites.

Eat?

What am I doing?

I can’t eat after seeing them again.

Leo stopped eating when he’s practically just about done, leaving only a few bites of sausages left. Using his finger, he hesitantly nudged my hand that I rested on top of the table. I forced out a dry chuckle, and smiled, “What, Leo? You’re done eating?” he shook his head and pointed to my barely eaten portion of chicken curry slowly, a guilty look on his face. “No, Leo. Not your fault, okay? Just eat. We’ll get on some more rides after this!” I raised my tone, trying to look as excited as I can and it fooled Leo. He munched down on his food, so I gave him a part of my own.

While I just want to go home and lock myself in the room, crying myself out to sleep.