five;

“I’m not your messenger,” Kyuhyun grits over the phone, sounding bored and monotonous as if he isn’t even listening to anything Hyukjae says to him.

The latter then coughs pitifully, earning a disgusted grunt from his supposedly best friend. Whining a little, he makes an effort to roll on his sides and bury his face into his pillow, before he exhales difficulty. Being sick , Hyukjae decides; he feels too hot and too cold at the same time, everything is noisily buzzing in his head and he barely has the strength to hold his phone next to his ear.

But apparently, the fact that he’s so sick he feels like he could die any time soon and that he’s confined to bed for the next couple of days doesn’t give Kyuhyun the need to be nice to him, at least for once in his life. Hyukjae has just asked him to drop by his house on his way home so he can have the lessons he missed at school today but the brat refuses, stating that he has better things to do. In other words, the redhead student quickly understands, he probably only wants to go home and play games.

To be honest, Hyukjae doesn’t give a about homework and stuff (if there’s at least one good thing about being sick, it’s that he doesn’t have to study anymore). All he wants, actually, is to know if he has received a new letter from his penpal today. He only had the time to post his own two days ago and had hoped that morning that maybe his pen friend would have replied, until his mother decided to tie him up to his bed.

Hyukjae doesn’t really want to admit it because he has a reputation and he needs to preserve it, but he has started to anticipate his penpal’s letters; the guy is funny and witty, and it’s the type of person he usually gets along well. It also gives him the comfort that not everbody is as cruel as Kyuhyun, which is always a plus.

Talking about the devil (never a word described the brat as well as this one, really), Kyuhyun sneers into the phone while the redhead student can hear the bell faintly ringing in the background. It’s probably the end of the break and Hyukjae grimaces, not knowing whether he wants to be there so he can pick his letter up or rather stay at home and drink his mother’s hot chocolate until he gets as fat as an obese whale.

But it’s actually not like he has a choice because he knows his mother is guarding the entrance and won’t hesitate to knock him out with sleeping pills if she sees it necessary. Hyukjae is pretty sure his sister would be glad to join in, too. That .

“Pleaaaase,” he whines some more. There’s little chance that Kyuhyun will give in, but he already has ruined his pride as a hyung so he doesn’t have anything to lose anymore. “You don’t even have to bring me my books, ok? Just – the letter. Only the letter.”

“You’re annoying,” Kyuhyun grumbles. “If you want to read your love letter so much, go pick it up yourself. I’ve got a date, you dimwit.”

“Oh come on, I’m your best friend and – wait what.” Hyukjae splutters in shock and hastily sits up on his bed, only to have another coughing fit that immediately sends him back sprawled on the mattress. “What date, you do not have a date. The only thing you’re dating is your laptop and it wants to break up with you, you little .”

 “Well now I’m about to have a boyfriend, you see. In contrary to you,” he hears his friend smugly scoff at him. “Which means I’ll get to have some, while all you will be left with is your laptop and your right hand.”

There’s a fraction of second that goes by until the redhead student realizes his best friend is being sincere.

Now, Hyukjae feels sick and lonely. Why do everyone around me end up with someone?

“You’re a jerk,” Hyukjae mumbles.

He can practically see the evil smirk plastered on Kyuhyun’s face and doesn’t have the strength to hold back his groan of despair.

“Of course I am.”

=

In the end, Kyuhyun does drop by Hyukjae’s house when the day ends but he refuses to go past the doorframe of his bedroom, stating that he doesn’t want to be contaminated by his germs. After he makes a bunch of very mean jokes with his sister, he finally throws a bag filled with books on his bed, and Hyukjae is sure it fell on his crotch on purpose.

He chokes in pain and doubles up in two, trying to glare at his best friend but his eyes are too filled with tears for that. Kyuhyun only smirks at him before he gets down and declares he’s going to ask for a hot chocolate, too.

After the pain starts diminishing (which takes at least fifteen minutes) and Hyukjae finally decides it’s safe to stop hiding his abused crotch, he takes this opportunity to look for his penpal’s letters and read them. Maybe if he’s quick enough he can give his own reply to Kyuhyun so he can post it for him. He opens the bag his best friend brought him, fumbles with the books that he carelessly throws on the floor and finally finds two white envelopes at its bottom.

Surprised, he blinks and opens them.

He snickers upon reading the way his penpal categorically forbids him to show the letters to Siwon and then pouts a little moodily when he blatantly tells him he’s an idiot. And then chokes on his own spit once again when he reads the part about his penpal being biual.

…Well, he frowns, a little puzzled. I guess it makes sense…?

Hyukjae actually doesn’t really care because he has never differentiated women and men (meat remains to be meat, after all, right?) either, but he guesses he’s a little bit surprised because he hasn’t met a lot of people who think like him.

Well, maybe not like him because Hyukjae has to admit he’s a bit of a ert and can't refuse a good when he sees one, but he gets his own point, and it is what matters truly. He hopes.

With a satisfied nod at his own logic (which is kind crappy, to be honest), he reaches for the second letter and opens it with anticipation.

Dear H-who-hasn’t-replied-yet,

Okay, maybe you didn’t take what I wrote in my last letter well? Well if it’s the case, you’re a big . I can be biual if I damn well want to, and I don’t see what the ing problem is. It’s not a crime, is it? Get out of your knickers and grow up.

If it’s not because of me swinging both ways, then I hope you’re okay because you usually reply faster than that? Which is kind of paradoxical, if you ask me. Remember when it took us two weeks to send letters back and forth at the beginning? …which actually isn’t that long ago…

- Just-D

Hyukjae has to scoff at that. Now see who’s the stupidest.

He attentively listens to Kyuhyun chatting with his sister in the kitchen, reassured that he won’t be going before a good quarter of an hour whether he claims to have a date or not, and reaches for a sheet of paper to start writing.

=

You moronic brat,

I was sick, you idiot. That’s why I didn’t reply. I truthfully don’t care about who you chose to , you know? I tend to swing both ways, too, so it’s not like I’m going to be a puss about this kind of thing. Chill out, you dork.

And no, I’m not the janitor freak. Stop spouting this kind of nonsense, you.

I saw Siwon cry once, and it was ing hilarious. He just stays there and wails and yells as if someone is trying to kill him, and gets a running nose, and his face scrunches up horribly. He sounds like a kicked puppy, too. Well it was when we were five so I guess it probably changed a little bit, but I’m pretty sure it would be worth seeing. You should stop giving me reasons to be a jerk to you, you know? It’s unhealthy. Stop trying so hard, dude.

Okay, fine. I confess. I did not cheat. And I also like puppies, so I guess it’s mean to compare them with Siwon. Don’t tell anyone I’m nice. It might ruin my badass reputation.

So I didn’t cheat and I ing hope I’m going to get a high grade for that , else it’s going to make me really, really angry.

- Puppy-savior-H

P.S: I’m definitely smarter than you if you thought I would feel awkward about your uality. Ta-ta.

=

“Babe,” Hara pouts cutely. “Why do you always need to go to your locker?”

Donghae glances at her before he opens his locker. He half-expects it to be empty except for his books until he sees the white envelope resting at the top of his gym clothes; his penpal finally replied. Smiling wildly, he tries to look nonchalant as he picks it up and stuffs it in his bag before Hara can see it.

He suddenly feels a lot happier than he did this morning upon waking up.

“For nothing,” he tells his girlfriend happily, before he leans down and kisses her.

Even the fact that Hyukjae still isn’t around doesn’t seem to bother him that much anymore. Not that he actually cares about him, of course.

Actually, who the hell is Hyukjae?

=

Stupid you for falling sick while it’s not even winter yet,

Sorry about that. I tend to overreact a little when it comes to my uality because most people don’t understand. And then I got worried because you weren’t replying anymore and I thought you were disgusted or something. So I’m glad you get it, yeah.

I saw Siwon cry two weeks ago when we were watching Titanic (he freaking loves this movie I don’t get why). It looks like he’s changed a lot since he was a child. Now he just tries hard to look solemn and strong (but he just looks stupid, if you ask me). And then he goes to hide in the kitchen and cry for real.

Wait, scratch the part about him having changed. Actually he still cries like the brat you described in your last letter. He just makes sure that nobody sees him.

See? I knew you didn’t cheat! I hope I’ll get a good grade, too. My mother’s going to ground me for a whole week if I don’t.

Anyways, do you know there’s a soccer match coming up next week? It’s our high school against Jaengu High. Our team captain is a complete jerk, but he’s a good player so I hope we win this match!

- Puppy-lover-too

P.S: Do you feel any better about your cold? Don’t forget to take medicines!

Kyuhyun arches an eyebrow when he peeks at the letter Hyukjae has just finished reading over his shoulder. Snickering, he flops back down on his chair and takes his phone out, while the redhead student rereads his penpal’s letter with a puzzled expression.

“So,” Kyuhyun nonchalantly says. “Does your penpal know that you’re the soccer team captain? Because apparently you’re a jerk in his books.”

Hyukjae glares at him and curtly throws an empty paper cup at his face. And he doesn’t miss his aim.

THESE TWO BOYS ARE COMPLETE IDIOTS. I REPEAT, THEY'RE TOTALLY STUPID.

Before anybody tells me it's not realistic, I shall tell you I consider this fic as crack (according to my own definition ofc). So yeah, they're just stupidly cute, or cutely stupid, or just stupid, but they're still eunhae and we love them.

Hope you guys liked this chapterrrr. Please comment? :3 That'd make me happyyyy.

Love on chu guyyys

P.S: EUNHAE NEW MV MOTOCYCLE IS JUST PURE GOLD THEY'RE HOT FUNNY PERFECT O M G I CAN'T.