*Suho’s POV*

“ok everyone 5mn rest and we’ll practice for the last time than we’ll go back and get ready” I declare before walking to get a bottle of water. It’s a long day for everyone because we have to practice for tonight event. Since the songs are being remixed again with a new part the choreography has to change to due to the remixed part everyone is so tired from the training. I think we have what it take to do the performance already because nothing is wrong and the managers gave us a thumb up for the training so I think I will let them have some rest for tonight since I don’t want anyone to get hurt or too tired and we have enough training before we’re here at SM building. Everyone went to the stuff to get a bottle of water or what they like to have. I like seeing them like that everything went well but--

“Hyung I think you have some problem with your step” Kai said that as he approached me at with a look. I know that he’s disgusted by my action and dancing skill so I’ll just keep silent to avoid a quarrel with him.

“Hyung you have to change the dance move and wait for the other” he try again

“Hyung this is serious! You can’t make any mistake tonight! Not tonight it’s too important” he said again

My patient run thin and my heart hurt like hell to hear something like this from him the one I love so much. I know that because I want that award more than you do. After that word was spoken my heart is tearing by my lover. I look back at him and--

“Oh is it about the award than today? Nothing bother you except the award! ok than I will try to perfect myself because I don’t want to be a burden to your stage” I said than I walk away to the backstage.

“Gege where are--” I heard Tao called me but I can’t stop now I have to release the thing I have inside me. If stop now my tears will just fall again in front of them. I don’t want them to see me like this when am weak. I don’t want to get scold my teammate anymore. So an easy way is to escape from here.

I arrived at the comfort room than I lock the door in case some open on me.

“Why every time I do something will earn a bad influence from them! Why it should be them who make me cry. I don’t belong here in this group. I don’t fit in with anyone. Joonmyun-ah you’re a loser you know that? They said it twice already why hang on. The promise they made that time at the hospital are just lied they just tricked you idiot!! I hate myself!! Why can’t I be like them and be perfect at everything? All I want is being a perfect leader and take care of them well with everything I want to make sure they did their best and being treated the best. Don’t they see what I’ve done for them!!!!! Kai Kai Kai I love you since the day I saw you first. I fall with you, your dance, your talent, your everything but I know that am not good enough for you that why I let go. I see no use for me to be with you because I can’t do anything for you but pull you do to my level. You silly Joonmyun! I won’t do anything risky until we get that award because I know they tried so hard on this. I don’t want me to be the reason for this failure. After that no one can stop me.” He said to himself.

Then I sat down the toilet and took out a newly open razor. This time I intense to cut it deeper than last time.

“Arrgghhh-- Ughh” I bit my lip to suppress the pain which is now took over by the pleasure. It doesn’t hurt that much because of the emotional pain is too much. As the blood run down the cut it’s just like pain flow out with it too.

As my vision got blur I feel my body go numb and I can’t make sure what I see again. As that happen the door bushed open with three figure standing at the door I didn’t know who it is but I feel someone hugging me at my hip and then I flashed my fake smile to them just to let them know that am ok.

They stayed silent for a few second maybe because they’re disgusted by my action and blood that why they stared. They came maybe because they want to make sure that I didn’t die before their performance to night. They think that I will mess up their performance.

 “Hyung what are you doing?” Kai said while hugging my hip

“What are you guys doing here? Go back to the set I’ll be right there soon” I said while trying to break Kai’s Hug but I end up losing due to the pain on my wrist.

“Hyung am sorry please tell me what I did wrong! I love you hyung! Please tell me what I did wrong to you and I will change please don’t be cold toward me! My heart is being ripped apart because of that words you said. Hyung do you still love me like before, please hyung me” Kai said that while crying on my body like a little kid. I want to comfort him but I can’t because I will lose to their lying again. The fake tears that flow out of their eyes are just a plays to trick me. I hate it to see them cry because it mean that I don’t take care of them well that why they cry.

“You’re not wrong but am not good enough for you to be around please just leave me alone! I don’t want you to look bad” I said than I stand up walking outside back to the set with a paper on my wrist to keep the wound from bleeding and from the other to see. The other follow after with Kai still crying but he soon stop it when they reached the stage.

“See they just lying you with fake tears” I think to myself

*Kris Pov*

I see them walking back from the bathroom. Joonmyun held his wrist with paper and I know what that mean. Kai eyes are red so I know that he’s been crying.

Kai I gave you the chance but you blew it so now I will take back what supposed to be mine.... I won’t let you hurt anymore Joonmyun. I promise you this is the last time you cried.

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Hey guys am back.... Sorry for nothing updating.... I think I can't live a day without updating. I took back the laptop from my mum but I have to made sure she didn't kept me getting it out so I will have to put it back b4 she come homeeeeee....

I'm Still sick at the moment but i know i have to update....

SO please comment down what you think about this new chapter.......

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