“Hyung!”

Seunghyun looked up. There he stood, beautiful as ever. It was like there was some sort of light source inside of him, emitting light every time he smiled. Seunghyun's heart shied away from the brightness. Maybe it was for the best if he got a no, he wasn't sure he could handle falling any deeper. Then again, what better way to go out than on top of the world.

“Hyuuuung, hyu-hyu-hyu-HYOING!” Daesung put up a funny face and wriggled over to him, doing about ten different body gags on the way. Seunghyun chuckled. That was Daesung for you, he always brightened up the room, lifting the spirits of everyone around him. “So? What's up?” he had joined him on the bed, his eyes beaming with curiosity. Seunghyun felt his courage fade away, dissolving into nothingness. He could do it tomorrow right? Or the next day. Or the next. Next year was also good. Who knew, maybe his feelings would go away and then there would be nothing to tell. Why jump the gun? It had only been like 4-5 years, what were a couple more?

“You know curiosity awakens the tickle monster!” Daesung giggled, attacking him without warning. Seunghyun was taken aback, his whole system in shock. He felt Daesung's fingers all over, it didn't exactly have the normal tickling-effect on him. He fake-giggled to try and cover up how aroused he was. He wanted to jump him, just take him then and there. That was one way of telling him. But perhaps not the best way. Seunghyun wanted to be a gentleman. An attractive gentleman. He wanted Daesung to look up to him and respect him, but at the same time he yearned to be the funny guy, making him laugh his wonderful dorky laugh. Ah, he wanted to be everything at once. But most of all, he just wanted to be his.

“Daesung-ah” Seunghyun started once Daesung had given up on his tickle-quest, lying panting in his arms after overexerting himself. “What?” he asked between breaths, looking up at him. Daesung looked good in his lap, he fit. “You know.. I'm moving tomorrow..” Seunghyun hesitated. Daesung sat up, leaving his arms empty and lonely. “Really? You asked me here to make me promise to help you move?! You know you don't have to ask, of course I'll help you!” Daesung winked at him, a fleeting twitch of sadness gliding over his face. “I don't get why you have to move though. What are you going to do, eat breakfast alone every day?” Daesung pouted, not bothering to hide his feelings. It was unlike him, he usually left it up to Seunghyun to try and divine what was going on in his head.

He was one of the shyest persons Seunghyun had ever met. No, THE shyest person. He hid it quite well with his cheerful attitude, but Seunghyun could see he was using smiling as a defense mechanism. It was as good a defense mechanism as any, or well, better than most since his smiles made a lot of people happy, Seunghyun included. But still he worried, it wasn't good to let no one in. He was closer to Seunghyun than most people, but Seunghyun could feel there was a wall at the end of the corridor that led to his heart. A wall with no door. A wall that no man had ever gone past. Seunghyun wondered if it was indestructible, insurmountable. He had a plan though. He was going to break in. He was going to master the art of illusion and bring down that wall. But Rome wasn't built in a day, so it would probably take more than a day to demolish it, right? First step: trying knocking on it. Maybe it would come down on its own.

“No, you just come over every morning for breakfast!” Seunghyun winked back. “Hyuuuuung, then I'd have to get up at like 4 AM!!” Daesung complained, wrinkling his nose. Ah, so cute! Seunghyun just wanted to shrink him and put him in his pocket, carrying him with him always. “Well, I guess you'll just have to stay over then.” Seunghyun ruffled his hair fondly. Wouldn't that be heaven, just the two of them, living together. It was never going to happen, but dreaming cost nothing. “Ha ha, so if I'm staying over every night anyway, then I might as well move my stuff in, right?” Daesung joked. But Seunghyun didn't take part in the joke, not this time. The serious look he had on his face was making Daesung uncomfortable.

“Daesung-ah..” he began softly, “I have to tell you something.”. The smile on Daesung's lips vanished instantly. Was he expecting bad news? How would he take it when he told him he was in love with him? Would he shy away from him, disgusted? Would he feel betrayed that he had kept this from him? Would he resent him for telling him, for making their relationship awkward? Would he tell the others? Would he leak it to the press? Would he be kicked out of Big Bang? Seunghyun's mind was racing, all kinds of questions clouding his thoughts. He didn't know what was up and what was down anymore. Everything seemed fuzzy and unreal.

“I eh... I don't really know where to start. I had like a whole speech prepared, but now it just seems silly. I'm not even sure I should be telling you this.” Seunghyun's eyes avoided Daesung's, but he could tell that Daesung was nervously holding his breath. There was no backing out now. Whatever would be would be, it was out of his hands. All he had to do now was to wait for fate to pick him up and see if it threw him into the trash or if it was willing to give him a chance.

“So...” Seunghyun's voice trembled. This was harder than he'd expected. How was he going to get the words out? He had a whole thing rehearsed, but it would take too long. There were just too many words. The only way was to just spit it out. Do it in one go, like ripping off a band-aid.

“I think.. no, I know... I'm in love with you.” Seunghyun said it as fast as he could, all in one breath. He stared at the covers he was sitting on, half expecting the bed to catch fire he stared so intensely. Daesung was quiet. Too quiet. Had he not heard him? Slowly, cautiously, he looked up. Daesung's face was not one of surprise. Had he really not heard him? Since the cat was out of the bag, he might as well empty it completely and see what would fall out. “I'm in love with you. I have been for years. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you. I wake up in the morning just waiting to see your face and I go to sleep at night hoping that tomorrow will come soon, because with tomorrow comes you. I know it might come as a huge shock and I don´t expect you to reciprocate my feelings or even acknowledge them right away, it's just something I had to get off my chest.”.

Daesung didn't move a muscle. Still there was no hint of surprise, instead his expression was pained. Was it really such a horrible insufferable thing to have him love him? Couldn't Daesung just be flattered? Maybe that was too much to ask. Maybe he should've taken this secret with him to the grave. But he was afraid that if he didn't get it off his chest, then he would never be able to put it behind him and get over him. And he desperately needed to get over him.

“Are you mad?” Seunghyun asked nervously, the silence was freaking him out. Finally there was surprise in Daesung's eyes. “Mad?!” Daesung repeated absentmindedly. He sighed and with a heavy heart he took Seunghyun's hand in his. “Of course I'm not mad. Why would I be mad? It's just.. “ Daesung paused, pain written all over his face, his eyes avoiding Seunghyun's at all cost. “I knew..” he finally said. “You knew? Knew what...? You mean, you KNEW knew?!” Seunghyun was having trouble processing this shocking new information, Daesung just nodded guiltily.

“I've known for a while. I kind of just figured.. At first I was shocked and confused of course, but at one point I actually started considering whether I could date you, because you are my best friend in the whole wide world and I really love you more than anything and we fit so well together.. I mean, we have so much fun together, but more importantly our habits fit, so I think I'd actually really enjoy spending my life with you. But.. sadly I just couldn't get over the fact that I'm straight. I've been quite brokenhearted about it, since there are not many things that would make me happier than to make you happy. I mean I can totally picture it to the extent of spending all our time together and living together, but every time I considered sleeping with you...” Daesung frowned unintentionally, “Just.. two guys.. in that way.. it's just... wrong.. I can't do it. I'm so so so sorry, but it's just not for me. I wish it was. If I could change, I would. But I think it's just an issue of how you are born, it's not a choice.” Daesung seemed genuinely broken up about it.

Seunghyun's head was spinning. He had prepared for a lot of different scenarios, but this was certainly not one of them. Daesung knew? All this time he knew?! And he'd actually considered dating him!? He was beyond touched that Daesung had wished they could be together, that Daesung wanted to make him happy. For an idol to wish he was gay was no small thing, Seunghyun would forever carry Daesung's good intentions in his heart. He was falling for him all over again. Just when the chance of getting him was slipping out of his reach.

Daesung suddenly grabbed both of Seunghyun's hands, “Please, please, pleeeease don't let this affect our friendship. Don't let us get awkward or drift away from me. You are my closest, dearest friend and I can't begin to describe what you mean to me. That's why I never brought it up, since I was afraid it would change things between us, and that's the last thing I want.” Daesung's eyes found Seunghyun's, pleading. “I need you.. I don't think I can do this without you.” Daesung's voice was a mere whisper, colored with urgency. Seunghyun's heart couldn't take much more of this.

“Of course it won't change anything, I won't let it! I will always be your friend, no matter what. You can count on me, you know that.” Seunghyun tried convincing him, but he wasn't sure he was convinced himself.

But then a crazy idea struck him, like lightning, no warning.

“Just give me ten dates.” he said before he had the chance to chicken out. “Huh?” Daesung had no idea what he was talking about. “Give me ten dates and if you haven't fallen in love with me by then, I promise I will protect our friendship and work on getting over you.” Seunghyun knew he was asking a lot, but this way he wouldn't keep wondering, it would give him closure and help him move on. A big fat 'sorry' was written all over Daesung's face, “Hyung...”.

“Don't say no. I know there's pretty much no chance, but it will help me get over you and it's a win-win for you. I'll buy you lots of food and entertain the hell out of you, and you won't have to do anything and at the end you can just say nope, sorry, didn't work, and that'll be that. Then I'll know I did everything I could and we can both continue our friendship with no regrets.” Seunghyun brought out his secret weapon, the puppy eyes.

“I'm really not so sure it's a good idea.” Daesung hesitated. Seunghyun held out his hand to shake on the deal, determined to make it happen, “If it's a disaster, then its only a disaster for me and I promise I can handle it. Ten dates. Do we have a deal?”.

After a long pause, Daesung gingerly took Seunghyun's hand and they shook on it. Yes! Now Seunghyun had ten dates to make him fall in love with him, to change the vision he had of him and change their friendship for good. He had no idea how he was going to do it, but he was going to try. He had to give it a try.

Ten Dates.