Seunghyun stared at the number that was written across the screen of his phone. He knew it by heart. He had deleted the owner's contact information ages ago, but the number stuck to his brain like super glue. Why did he have to remember it still? He had decided a long time ago to stop using him, it wasn't fair to either of them. However, after the last date, sitting in this very same parking spot after dropping Daesung off, a wave of hopelessness had drowned him. He had been thrown into a black bottomless pit and he hadn't know how to get out of it. Numb to the core, he had wanted to feel something, anything, so his fingers had keyed in the number before he even had the chance to realize what he was doing. Luckily he had come to his senses before hitting the call-button.

Since then he had spent a lot of time thinking, too much time, to the point where he had stared at the facts for so long that they went out of focus and he couldn't make sense of what was what anymore. Should they continue, was there really any point to it? Daesung had stolen his last ray of hope, a big chunk of nothing taking its place inside him. But the moment he lost hope, it was over. And he definitely didn't want it to be over. There was no fat lady singing on the premises so he was trying hard as he could to rekindle even the smallest spark of hope, but he was having a tough time getting the fire going.

The numbers on the screen danced before his eyes, taunting him. 'Call me' they whispered enticingly. Maybe it would put things into perspective. He had always had a calming effect on him when Daesung was weighing his heart down. He missed him, more as a friend than a lover, although they had had some really good times together. Two broken hearts did wonders for the bedroom department. Would it actually be cheating if he called him? It was a gray area. On paper he and Daesung were formally dating, but not only was Daesung resisting doing anything remotely spicy with him, he had declared that he didn't want to, no worse, that he couldn't do it, not ever, any of it.

Seunghyun was only human, he had his needs like everyone else. He could suppress them and be self sufficient to a point, but for that he needed to have at least the smallest sliver of hope that it wouldn't always be like that. That he wouldn't be stuck forever in the friend zone, where right now he was resting in a big old hole Daesung had dug for him, pouring cement into it that was slowly hardening. There was only a small window of time until it would turn into concrete, sealing his tomb forever. He was running out of time, competing with the clock, the faint suspicion it was cheating visiting him every so often. He got the feeling the race had been rigged from the start, that he had never had the slightest chance of reaching the finish line.

On the other hand, Daesung had promised him to take this seriously, vowing not to see other people in the meanwhile, and Seunghyun was absolutely sure he had stayed true to his word. That was just the type of person Daesung was, he could always count on him. He sighed. It would be cheating, and he couldn't do that to Daesung, even though he would probably understand. He wasn't sure if he even cared one way or the other. But Seunghyun cared. He put the phone away after deleting all traces of that misguided temptation. Looking back later, he wanted to be able to tell himself he had done everything he could.

Who was it that Daesung had dated before? His curiosity flared up again. He had asked himself that very same question at least a thousand times, and counting. Had Daesung just been protecting his ego by making up some imaginary girlfriend? No, he wouldn't lie about that. Daesung would rather embarrass himself than risk hurting his feelings. So there was an ex-girlfriend walking around somewhere out there. He tried to imagine how she looked like, but Daesung was so private, he wasn't sure what his ideal type was. Had there perhaps been more than one? Had he slept with them? He shook his head, of course the answer was yes on both accounts. Daesung was a healthy young man in his prime, he had stunning looks, an incredible body and was a member of one of the most famous Korean bands ever. Was there really a girl out there that would say no to him? Seunghyun doubted it, thinking that if she did exist, she would have to be the most foolish creature ever to enter the dating scene.

“Hey! Sorry I'm late.” Daesung grinned sheepishly as he swung the door open, jumping right into the passenger seat. The moment he closed the door, the atmosphere became infected with awkwardness. This was the first time they were face to face after that night. Convincing himself they both needed a cooling down period, a little time out, Seunghyun had hung back and given Daesung as much space as he could. Or that was what he had been telling himself. Deep down he knew that wasn't the real reason he hadn't called him. He was a coward, that was what it was, plain and simple. He had been trying to create a plastic bubble around his heart, protecting it from any future ailments, failing miserably.

With the ghost of their last date hovering over them, Seunghyun decided to take the pressure off and do some damage control. He had been pushing too hard, forcing things to go too fast, he realized that now. But there was only so much he could do in ten dates. Still, taking one date to try and salvage the situation by attempting to restore the comfortable balance and relaxed trust that used to exist between them was his number one priority. Without that, everything would be lost.

That was why he took Daesung to the Doraemon museum, a place where he was sure to forget his worries and let the kid residing inside his heart out to play. He did not disappoint. Seunghyun knew him like the back of his own hand, probably better since he had spent a lot more time staring at Daesung than his hand. It was playing out exactly like he had imagined it would. Daesung's face lit up the moment they entered the lobby, running around like a five year old that had just discovered Christmas.

There was nothing as satisfying as putting a smile on those heart-shaped lips of his, yet he couldn't fully enjoy it. Watching Daesung giggle over old Doraemon strips, feeling his hand on his wrist as he dragged him along, showing him the million and one Doraemon paraphernalia that in his opinion were downright epic, feeling no one should be so unfortunate to have to go through life without having seen each and every one of them, Seunghyun couldn't help wonder if this was really it for them. If this was the beginning of the end.

Seunghyun took a deep breath, nodding with a fake smile stretching his lips uncomfortably when Daesung asked him whether a human size Doraemon wasn't just the absolute coolest thing he had ever seen. Daesung did a round of poses with the statue, cracking up as he pretended to stick his finger up its nose while Seunghyun took a picture on his phone. The curator was giving them an evil eye, monitoring their every breath, but Daesung was too distracted to notice. That silly man-child, Seunghyun chuckled soundlessly to himself, the warm feeling inside him suddenly turning into a big ice needle, shooting painfully through his heart. He could feel the gaping wound it left behind, aching.

He surrendered to the thought he had been hiding from ever since they had started this whole disaster. Instead of fruitlessly trying to woo him, maybe he should use the time they had left to get some closure. Drawing courage from Daesung's sunshine, maybe he would finally be able to get over him. He needed to get over him if he was going to have any chance of reclaiming his life, of finding love again, of returning to being Daesung's best friend. And with that thought came the question he feared the most, having hitchhiked a ride on the thought's tail to avoid the brain-wide ban he had issued on it. It was the one question he did not want answered. After all this, would they really be able to stay friends? Could their relationship ever revert to how it was before? It was already changing, he could feel it in his bones.

He bought a giant Doraemon teddy bear for Daesung, who's feet literally lifted up off the ground out of pure joy. Daesung bounced happily all the way to the car, and with that, he took him home. After a quick, slightly awkward wave goodbye, he was alone again. He had to get used to it, for this was his future.

Lonely and alone, forever.