After downing a delicious roll of kimbap, Daesung's happy and satisfied smile did more to warm Seunghyun up than his coat would have ever done. He did envy his coat though, getting a snug hug from Daesung's behind. He wouldn't mind getting one of those, but that was getting way ahead of himself. One tiny step at a time. Although today's step was the biggest one yet. His heart fluttered just thinking about it. He was running out of time, still he didn't want to rush it. He wanted to seize the perfect moment, only it was way too good at hide and seek, proving too difficult for him to find. He might just have to settle with second best.

“So, should we do a few more laps before we go home?” Seunghyun held his hand out to help Daesung to his feet. He was still wobbly, but he was more confident on the ice than before. It was a joy to watch his little duckling become a swan, Seunghyun thought with pride. There was no end to the admiration he had for Daesung. Not because he was in love with him, but because Daesung was the embodiment of all the values he thought were the most honorable. No matter what life threw at Daesung, he greeted it with a smile and worked harder than anyone around him until he had overcome that hurdle. If he fell, he just got right back up again, ready to fight some more. Seunghyun wasn't like that at all. He liked his wounds and avoiding heavy lifting. Not as admirable, but that was how he was born and he had never felt compelled to try and change that. Though Daesung did inspire him to want to be the best version of himself.

His hand was reluctant to let go of Daesung's soft skin, so it didn't. Instead it entwined its fingers around Daesung's, and object they did not, welcoming the company with a light squeeze. This might just be the best day of his very eventful life, he thought as they skated around and around, feeling the chilly air their cheeks as they picked up speed.

“Faster? Are you sure??” Seunghyun asked a grinning Daesung who nodded eagerly. That little daredevil! Seunghyun wasn't sure he could handle it, he was already beginning to feel the effects of the speed on his balance. But Daesung's wish was his command, and he had no intention of leaving it unfulfilled. Faster they went.

And of course the inevitable occurred, for else it would not be inevitable. In his enthusiastic attempt at quenching his thirst for speed, Daesung had taken too sharp a turn, tripping himself and pulling Seunghyun down with him. Seunghyun landed on top of the poor thing, and together they slid along the ice like a babo-sandwich. He had his eyes closed until they came to a standstill. It was as if they were doing a stunt scene in a movie, although he couldn't imagine what that movie could possibly be about.

“Are you okay?” He asked Daesung, propping himself up on his elbows so he could see his face. His heart jumped. His face was so close to Daesung's. Suddenly he became very aware of the fact that he was lying on top of him. He swallowed the lump in his throat, nervously freeing the breath that his lungs had been holding captive. This. This was the moment. The perfect moment.

He let out a gentle half-laugh, Daesung doing the same. He looked slightly shaken up. Steadying his breathing, Seunghyun looked into Daesung's eyes. Their beauty was so overwhelming, it shot an arrow of pain through his chest. Their sincerity stripped Seunghyun right down to his heart's core, making him want to surrender every last bit of his being to him. His feelings were getting stronger. So strong that they were causing him physical pain. He could feel the fear burrowing deeper into his gut. They had the power to ruin him now, but he didn't care. It would ruin him more to be riddled with 'what if's for the rest of his life. For once he was taking a chance.

The resident smile on Daesung's lips faded. He cleared his throat awkwardly, clearly not comfortable with the situation, yet he looked back at him like he had no intention of moving. Everything had gone quiet, Seunghyun could only hear his own heart beating. Carefully, he slid his hand under the back of Daesung's head so he wouldn't get a brain freeze from lying on the ice for too long. He tried to steady his hand, he didn't know if it was the nerves or the anticipation, but it was trembling.

Slowly, he erased the gap between them, looking into his eyes, monitoring his reactions. The last thing he wanted was to do something against his will. He wanted him to be comfortable. He wanted him to want it too. Daesung's face was a serious one, not a trace of his sunshine energy to be found anywhere. His eyes darted down to Seunghyun's lips and then back up to meet his eyes. He could feel him turn rigid beneath him. He knew exactly what was going on, there was no question. And yet he didn't try to escape. The anticipation that had been building up in Seunghyun's chest threatened to go off like a bomb, dissolving him into billions of atoms excitedly buzzing about.

Seunghyun swallowed his breath as he was about to arrive at his destination. Finally, he would be home. But right before their lips touched, Daesung turned his head so Seunghyun's lips landed on his cold cheek. Everything inside him went numb before he could feel the world come crashing down on him.

Daesung wriggled loose and sat up, turning his back to him, hiding his face in his hands. “I can't do this.” he whispered, it was barely audible. With every breath he took, his body jumped a tiny bit, as if he had the hiccups on mute. Seunghyun edged towards him, gently pulling away his hands, raising his head. Tears. His tear glistened cheeks were reflecting the light around them. He was crying. It broke Seunghyun's heart to see him like this. Daesung avoided eye contact, trying to wipe some of the tears away, but he stopped him. He took one of his mittens out of his pocket, using it to absorb Daesung's sorrow. If only it were that simple.

“I..” Daesung's voice faltered and he cleared his throat. A tear made a run for it, dragging a couple of its friends along with it. Seunghyun couldn't stand this any longer. He took him into his arms, hugging him extra tight. He started rocking back and forth slowly, patting his back lightly. They stayed like that for awhile, until Daesung broke free.

“You shouldn't be consoling me, I should be consoling you.” he said while staring intently at the ice, aimlessly scratching it with his finger. If he were a dog, his tail would be between his legs.

“Aigoo.” Seunghyun sighed, running his fingers through Daesung's hair, putting a lock that was clinging to the end of his eyebrow back behind his ear. It took everything he had to keep the question whether this was it locked out, denying it entry. No. this couldn't be it. It didn't feel like this was it. He wasn't ready.

“Hyung, I tried, I really tried.” another one of those soundless hiccups shook Daesung's body. “I decided that since I said yes to this experiment, I should give it my all. So I've been taking it really seriously, trying to see how far I can go... but... I think I've reached my limit.”.

Thankfully he continued, for Seunghyun was in no state to make any kind of a comment on that, his brain was having a hard time decoding the strings of sounds that were hitting his ears like angry waves on a stormy night.

“Don't get me wrong, I've had so much fun dating you, you don't even know. It's been by far the best dating experience I've ever had. No contest. And we haven't gotten so much time alone just the two of us, hanging out, since what, our pre-debut days? And not even then.” he paused to catch his breath. He sounded sad but sincere. He meant every word.

He reached for Seunghyun's hand, finally tearing his eyes from the ice, looking reassuringly at him. “And believe me when I say, without question, that I'd like nothing more than to hang out with you forever... or as long as we both shall live. That's a definite 'I do' on my part. You are my best friend in the world. I'd walk through fire for you, hell, I'd go to the moon and back if you asked me to! No matter what cliché declaration of allegiance you can come up with, I'd do it without thinking twice about it.” he proclaimed confidently, breaking through the numbness of Seunghyun's heart. Seunghyun could hear a 'but' coming, and it was not the squeezable kind. He braced himself.

“It's just... I can't kiss you like.. that... or do... that...” he cringed at the thought of it. Seeing how awful just imagining kissing him was for Daesung, he could feel something inside him die, a painful void taking its place.

“And...” a lone tear dropped to its death as Daesung pursed his lips. “And I really think you need for us to cross that bridge, the one over to that-land. And I tried, I promise. I tried so hard. You won't believe how many conversations I've had with myself, convincing myself that it's all in my head, that it's no big deal. And I was determined to let you kiss me earlier, that I had to at least try it before deciding anything. But I just... cannot do it.” he let out a sorrowful sigh. He looked like a loved one had died. Seunghyun couldn't stand seeing him like this, it was even worse than having him break his heart into a million tiny little pieces, so that it could never again be mended.

“It's okay.” Seunghyun heard himself saying. He could not disagree more.

“No, it's not okay!”. At least Daesung agreed with him. “I'm worried this has just made things worse. I feel like I'm leading you on and that's the last thing I want to do. I don't want to hurt you. It hurts me to hurt you!” the tears started running freely again, like a waterslide down both his cheeks, the silent hiccups returning.

“I would never have agreed to this if I knew just how much you...” Daesung's voice drifted off as he gave him a hopeless apologetic look. “I think we should stop here before you get too broken hearted. This is clearly not working. Holding hands, no problem. But the thought of kissing a guy, it's just so..” he shivered in disgust before the dark doom took control of his facial muscles again.

“Look. It's not your fault. None of this is your fault. This is what I wanted. You were trying to give me what I wanted. And I'm so thankful for that.” Seunghyun pulled him back into his arms, he was not letting him go, no matter what.

“But what I want, is to continue, to finish our experiment. Ten dates. We agreed. Ten dates and I'll honor my promise. You have my word.” Seunghyun added, no longer able to control his trembling voice. He had zero confidence in being able to honor that promise, but the thought of it being over right here, right now, was more terrifying than anything he would have to deal with further down the road. He buried his face into Daesung's shoulder as he lost the last of his control over his body to his feelings.

“Do you think you can do that for me?” he whispered into his shoulder. Daesung nodded hesitantly.