Seunghyun bit his lip. He wasn't sure he was doing the right thing, but he had to do something. It couldn't go on like this. Not if he was going to keep his sanity. He took a calming breath to try and soothe his heart, it was pounding something fierce. He checked his watch, 7:46 PM. Fourteen minutes. The darkness outside the window threatened to enter his heart, but he chose to remain optimistic. Maybe there was a chance. It might be tiny, but even so, a tiny chance was also a chance. One shouldn't dismiss the small things in life just because they are small. Besides, if he didn't go for it, he would never know. If you don't play the lottery, you will never win the jackpot. Granted, the odds of winning the lottery were minuscule, but there was always a winner. And to be a winner, you had to play.

He fiddled with a loose thread sticking out of his pillow case, going over what he was going to say. He had been thinking about this very moment for such a long time, playing out different scenarios in his head, trying to figure out which one would be most likely to succeed. He so desperately wanted to succeed. Twelve minutes. A drop of cold sweat fell on the pillow case, making a perfect circle. Seunghyun traced the outline with his finger, lost in thought. He started to doubt he had chosen the best approach. Or maybe the approach wasn't the problem, maybe he shouldn't be doing this at all. He could still abort the mission. He could just make up some random excuse for having invited him to his room. He could show him his newest addition to his toy collection, pretending that was the real reason he called him.

Ten minutes.

Should he, shouldn't he? Ah, why was he doubting himself again? He had decided to do this, why couldn't he just confidently do it then? Maybe because it could change everything, ruin everything and cost him both his friends and his livelihood. It was such a big risk. Was he really willing to take it? He was losing himself to the nerves.

Nine minutes.

The wait was excruciating. He already had what he wanted to say memorized, going through it one more time wouldn't do any good. He wanted to fast forward the time, those nine minutes seemed like eternity.

Eight minutes.

He took out the box with his newest purchase. He had got it in Japan, there were so may cool toys one could get there, he always ended up buying way too many. He liked having them around. His room wasn't his room unless it was filled with all kinds of figures, dolls and stuffed animals. Without them it felt too lonely. Without them he wouldn't be able to breathe. Just like at school when he was little, it was that exact same feeling. Homesickness, that would be the closest label to put on it. Except, when he was little he knew where his home was. It was his mom. If he was around his mom, his inside went quiet. He liked the quiet. At school it was noisy, so noisy. When it became too much he would sneak out and run home to the quiet. But at some point he grew out of that home. It was still good to go home, but it was not the same. It was more like he was a visitor at young Seunghyun's home. Without a word of warning, his home had moved, without even leaving him a forwarding address. So his heart was constantly searching for it. Running, but with nowhere to run to.

Six minutes.

Seunghyun sighed, shifting uncomfortably on the bed. Would it give the wrong impression if he was sitting on the bed when he came in? Nahh, they had hung out in his room countless of times.

Five minutes.

The knob turned. He was early!! Seunghyun's heart jumped, his eyes fixated on the turning knob. He felt as if he was experiencing it in slow motion. All of his senses were heightened. He tried to look relaxed, but he felt everything but relaxed. This was it. The defining moment. The moment he would find out whether the search was over. When he would find out if his key fit his lock. And if it didn't fit, he was prepared to go through a whole drawer of lost keys to try and find the right one. He would go to the locksmith if he had to, he would beg him to make him one. He was prepared to do whatever it took.

The door creaked as it opened. He felt as if his own heart was creaking. The light from the living room cast a triangle shaped form on the floor that grew as the door opened wider. “Have you seen my red hoodie?” Jiyong asked, poking his head in, looking around for a sign of it.

Three minutes.

Seunghyun panicked. Jiyong had the worst timing ever. Why did he have to barge in now? He didn't even live here anymore. He'd moved out two weeks ago, but yet he still slept over when they had schedules together the next morning. “No. It's not here.” Seunghyun answered dryly, trying to communicate that he was not welcome, without being rude. He didn't want Jiyong to start suspecting anything. “You sure?” Jiyong showed no sign of intending to leave. “Yes, yes. Have you checked Youngbae's room?! He's always stealing your clothes..” it was getting harder to hide the annoyance. “Obviously, that was the first place I looked.” Jiyong gave him a playful frown. “Seungri then? Wasn't he complaining the other day that his girlfriend was a GD-fashion junkie?” Seunghyun was getting impatient. He could show up at any moment now. Seunghyun started regretting not having chosen a more private place to meet, but he had no idea Jiyong was going to be here. The other guys had gone out for food, so they wouldn't be back anytime soon.

One minute.

“Haha really? That's the first I'm hearing about it.” Jiyong chuckled, clearly not hating Seungri's cruel twist of fate. Seungri had always had an inferiority complex when it came to Jiyong. He longed for attention and love from the fans, but more often than not, they had Jiyong as their bias. It was therefore ironic that he was also the bias of Seungri's own girlfriend. However, even though he would never admit it, Jiyong was Seungri's bias as well. So they could adore him together, Jiyong's little fan-couple.

Ah, finally he was alone again, with five seconds to spare. Four. Three. Two. One.

Silence.

8:01 PM. Where was he?