“Hey kiddo!” Suho’s voice chimed into your ears, making you grin up to him as he was the one opening the door for you. You nodded a little before you stepped in, allowing him to pat your head before he closed the door behind the two of you. He spun around to poke your nose after he locked the door. “Where are the rest?” You asked, your feet tiptoeing to see where they could be in the dorm but it seemed so quiet – it’s like there was no one home.

He chuckled, reaching over for his jacket where he swung it on before he gave you a gummy smile, “They’re out for bowling – which is where I’m about to head to, too.”

Your lips pursued out of curiosity, “Then what about Tao?”

He pointed over your shoulder where down the hall was Tao’s room – it was closed and it seemed like it was locked, as if he knew you were going to come.

Actually he wasn’t sure, but deep inside he was definitely waiting for you to somehow have telepathy skills to the extend where you knew when to come; which is now.

“He’s in there, as usual.”

You frowned, probably because Tao is the type who would love to head out with s but he’s curled up – in there?

“But… he loves bowling.”

Suho shrugged with a small frown as well, “I don’t know what’s gotten into him, really. I’ve tried everything and even the other members tried their best to comfort him but nothing worked. Which is why it’s such a perfect time for you to be here now, especially when we’re all not at the dorm.”

You let out a soft ‘ah…’ as you nodded once after understanding the whole situation. However, it didn’t make much sense – everything was fine a few days ago, though…

“I’m leaving, kiddo! Cheer him up, please.” He pleaded in the end, making you show an O.K. sign before you winked at him. He winked back at you before he closed the door, giving you two knocks to signal you to lock the door on the other end. You paced over and locked the doors, and with his hearty chuckle that you could hear from the other side, you knew he had left, leaving you with just Tao in the dorm.

You sighed and shook your head – what was bothering your boyfriend so much?

You walked down the halls and it took you only a minute before you were standing in front of the barrier between you and Tao.

He closed his eyes, shaking his head as he lied down on the bed lifelessly – why was he feeling this way? It felt like the negative side of him took the best of him, making him lose all his confidence just like that. Where was the ‘incredibly’ handsome AB Style panda that all his fans loved? Where was this charismatic Wushu person?

Nowhere to be found, apparently… or drowning in his negativity as he opened his eyes tiredly to stare at the ceiling.

Your face came into his imagination, filling up his mind as your beautiful face showed up out of nowhere. He smiled, a little, being able to imagine your face appearing exactly like how it would in reality but it also has its cons. That heart breaking moment had arrived for him when he imagined someone better coming into the picture. Stealing you away with just a simple hug around the waist from the back, bringing you away from his imagination. He saw how happy your face was as whoever this man was took you away. He was far better looking than him, in his opinion. He had a better smile, he thought. He could see how happier you were with this man, whoever he even is! – his heart wavered just thinking about this.

It wasn’t until all these thoughts shattered when two knocks could be heard on his door, along with that angelic voice of yours that rang into his mind, his heart skipped a beat.

“T-Tao? Are you in there?”

He furrowed his eyebrows, shaking his head as he sighed, “I must be hearing things again…”

“Tao?” Your voice called out for him again, but he was so stubborn, thinking it was just his mind messing with him when you were really out here.

He thought his mind would give him some peace but it seems like that’s what he got when his whole mind shut down, going blank the moment his door creaked open even though he locked it. His heart jumped as he sat up on the bed hurriedly, only to freeze on the spot the moment you came in with a grin on your face. You huffed at him and kicked the door close, a bobby pin in your hands – a sign he took that you probably picked the lock (he has no idea how you do these but it amazed him sometimes), “Why didn’t you open the door for me when you were in here?”

He was staring at you in shock, his hand weakly pointing at you and back to the door multiple times, “I… I thought I was just hearing things… I didn’t expect you to…”

You snickered, putting your bobby pin back into your pocket, “Shall I leave, then?”

Your smile faded when he didn’t laugh, he didn’t even try to smile as he fell back onto the bed with his eyes closed. You gulped, and frowned as you came towards him, sitting down on the bed where you gingerly reached over for his hand. He gasped when he felt your hand in his, warming up both his hand and his heart as you held onto it tight. His eyes peeled open to look at you where you brought his hand close to your lips before you kissed the back of his hand lightly. Then you moved his hand that was laced with yours to your cheek where you pressed it against your skin, making him sigh as you whispered, “You’re not okay…”

He smiled for the first time today, and it turned out to be more sarcastic than you imagined as he nodded with his head still on the pillow, eyes avoiding yours, “Yeah. I’m not.”

You brought your hand down on your lap with his, rubbing circles on the back of his hand with your thumb, your eyes filled with worry as you whispered again, with fear this time, “What’s wrong?”

You saw how he was reluctant to tell you, which urged you to guess what happened.

You let go of his hand, leaning over where you placed a hand on your forehead, “Are you sick?”

His eyes opened, gaping at you, “W-What? No-“

“Are you hurt anywhere? Did the members do anything? Did you possibly get injured somewhere and you need me to bring you to the doctor? Or… are you hungry? Did your fans say something that made you upset? Do you need me to-“ You couldn’t help but just stop with all the random, possible guesses when he laughed quietly, sitting up on the bed with both of his hands holding onto yours to make you stop with your cute guesses.

You were absolutely cute yet beautiful when you’re caring about him this much.

It always made him wonder how he got a girl like you.

How did the two of you last for so long? It made him wonder – it made him question about himself as he looked away from you.

“Tao… Don’t make me worry. Please tell me…”

He shook his head, pressing his lips together and that made you pull your hands away, standing up from the bed with a gasp, “Did I do something wrong?”

His lips parted in disbelief, his head shaking twice as fast now as he reached for your hand to pull you back down where he shifted closer to place his other hand on your cheek with a sigh, “It’s not you, it’s… me.”

You your lips nervously, feeling how nervous he was too based on his hand shaking on your cheek, “Tao…”

“I don’t know if it’s manly or not to feel this way but… I, I have a lot of insecurities.”

His eyes glanced up to you, his hands unintentionally giving yours a squeeze, “I… I get that it’s really stupid-“

“Tell me about them…” You murmured quietly, shifting closer on the bed where you held onto his hands tight, “I’m here to listen – tell me.”

When he saw how determined you were in listening, it felt like it boosted his self-esteem as if he could say anything without thinking that you’d take it the wrong way. Here goes nothing…

“I feel… like I’m not good enough for you. I feel like any guy in the world here could just steal you away from me because I’m not around you all the time even though I yearned to be. I can’t take you out for all the dates you want to go, I can’t bring you to places that we can have our special moments without worrying about the fans coming into interfere. You know how much I love our fans and I can’t find the way to just push them away that I unintentionally neglect you sometimes – it breaks me thinking about it over and over again. It pains me knowing I can’t care for you 24/7 like the way I would if I wasn’t in this career, in this industry. I feel so bad and yet I feel so insecure thinking you’d leave me for someone else one day. I feel as if someone can just take you away while I’m not around, I…” He sniffed, as if he was going to cry as he closed his eyes, shaking his head as he hated to just pour his emotions out like this – he rarely gets a chance to do this and he didn’t really like being the weak one here.

“I’m just afraid of losing you so… so much.”

You released the breath you were holding in, your hands letting go of his hands that made his eyes open with a soft gasp – you can’t possibly just leave like that, right? “W-Where are you going?”

You chuckled lightly, moving closer towards him where you framed his cheeks, bringing his face closer. He could see how you were going to say something, and that had already made him shut up.

“Where do you think I’m going, Tao? I’m not going anywhere.”

His lips parted to speak, but you hushed him, “You had your say, Mr. It’s my turn now.”

His lips sealed shut, his heart almost clenching as he didn’t know what you were going to say. He anticipated for your words but somehow feared them – he knew how much your words could affect him.

“I think it’s… attractive and endearing for you to just tell me this, Tao. We’re all human and it’s not wrong if you feel a certain type of way – having insecurities is normal. Don’t you think I have insecurities too?”

“How can you have insecurities?” He questioned, baffled by the thought you even have any. You hushed him again, “Hey, it’s my turn to speak.”

He snorted, “You asked me a question.”

“It was a rhetorical one.” You countered back before your hands moved down to land on his thighs where you let them rest there, your eyes moving back up to lock gazes with him with a small sigh, “I have so many, I don’t know where to begin, Tao.”

“R-Really…? Like what?” His voice soft, eyes wide as he was taken back by this. All these while he thought he was the only one – he thought he was the only one facing this in the relationship but hearing this from you, really made a difference.

“Like… what if he meets someone prettier? What if he falls for another artist in the same industry? What if he doesn’t see me the same way like I see him anymore? It breaks me every day, Tao. Sometimes to the point where I want to just break down and cry. But I don’t. You want to know why?”

He felt like everything was surreal, it’s like the weight on his shoulders was about to be lifted up when he asked, “Why?”

Your hands moved over to hold onto his hands again, squeezing them tightly, “Because our love is stronger than that, Tao. You should never doubt yourself nor should you doubt me like that because I know with our love that never stops growing, we can overcome anything that comes our way. I may not be there physically, but I’m always in your heart, Tao. And you should remember that you’re always in mine. I don’t look at any other guy if it’s not you, Tao. I hope you remember that. And if you ever forget that I love you with all my heart, I’ll remind you every day until you can remember without needing me to remind you. Okay?”

He saw how much you loved him in his eyes, how much you actually meant your words as he stared back into your eyes that made everything better. The weight pressing down on his shoulders for these few days was gone – it’s as though it never existed in the first place. He laced his fingers with yours, tugging you over into his arms as he released his grip on your hands just to crush you in his embrace. He buried his face in your hair, taking in your scent as he held you close – there are no words to express how blessed he felt.

And it was all because, of you.

“Okay.”