That is a fine question, Jaejoong.

"Like, I said I would be once but there is no need to keep repeating it, is there? Honesty."

Was I really repeating myself? Did I make that big of a deal? I...I don't know.

"Yeah, it was stupid of you to take me seriously."

***********************************************************

I gritted my teeth, pulled my legs even closer to my chest, and rested my head on my knees. What is wrong with me? Why did I let such a person terrorize me? I know it was stupid, I really do, but why do his words hurt so much?

I glanced at Jaejoong in a feeble attempt to make sense of him, and in essence, sense of myself. However, as he caught my glance with his own dark eyes, my expression once again turned into a sword like glare. Jaejoong sighed in response and fell back into a laid back position against the jail cell floor.

“Jeez, are you still angry Ai? Get over it. It’s not like you’re the only person who’s in a bad situation.”

I only harrumphed as I lowered my eyes to the ground in front of me.

“I’m not angry at you Jaejoong.” I responded in a gentle whisper, surprising even myself.

“Oh?" Jaejoong asked, his tone light, "Then who are you angry at? Seemed like your leader was plenty angry at me."

"I doubt she was really angry at you, more at herself for allowing Xiah to be hurt.”

"Well it seems that a lot of people are taking out their anger at me, right Ai?”

Is he implying that I’m angry at myself too? It seemed that Jaejoong, however, took my lack of a sharp sarcastic reply as a warning to back off the subject.

“I have to admit that Rin chick is really something," he said, "just a couple hours ago I thought she was a complete psychopath, but planning to use the Japanese embassy in Korea as a base was complete genius. After all, if we, the NIS, attacked the embassy it would read as a direct attack on the country of Japan itself, right?”

“Mmm…” I murmured in agreement. Jaejoong glanced at me with a concerned expression plastered on his face. How strange, when I voiced my thoughts in anger, Jaejoong simply rebutted all my remarks without a single ounce of sensitivity. But when I speak quietly and agree with him, Jaejoong takes on a much more gentle and empathetic character.

“I..” I stuttered as I turned by body toward Jaejoong. I needed to talk; I need to release the qualms eating me. “I’m angry," I whispered, "at myself.”

Jaejoong’s eyebrows furrowed together in puzzlement. He studied me carefully, before opening his mouth to speak once again, “You… you have scars on your left wrist.”

I glanced down to my wrist as if discovering them myself for the first time.

"Yeah, seems like I do,” I said in agreement.

"Was it because of your mother?”

"Maybe. Perhaps?” I said as I gave Jaejoong an ironic smile, “I… My parents moved away when I was young, leaving me with only my sickly grandmother. It was only a matter of time before my grandmother abandoned me too. Then I closed myself off: became as independent as possible so no one could hurt me. Well, I guess I came to the point where I wanted to abandon myself.”

The room falls silent.

I glanced over at Jaejoong out of the corner of my eye. He opened and closed his mouth, trying to find the courage to say something. But all that comes out is a small insignificant: "Oh."

My heart stops.

“Oh? Oh is all you have to say?” I cried. “Well, I guess you wouldn’t understand: you turned out find after you lost your mother after all.”

“No. No, I get it,” Jaejoong starts, “I get it.”

“Tch,” I muttered, “I doubt it.”

"No, really. You were by hurt those who were close to you, so you didn't let anyone close ever again."

“That's exactly what I told you, you dimwit" I snapped.

Jaejoong sighed, looking slightly annoyed, “look, it wasn’t all cake and roses for me either, sweetheart"

“Oh? How did your childhood trauma mess you up?”

He hesitated.

"I was born into the NIS, my father spent most of his time working for the 'good of the world'" he explained in a sarcastic tone, "so he never was able to spend time with my mother. My mother didn't know that my father worked for the NIS, so she left him and me out of sheer anger at him. I believed that if my dad wasn’t so serious all the time, she’d still be here.”

“Fool. Your mom leaves your dad because he was a secret agent. How do you learn from it? You become a funny secret agent. Brilliant.”

“Shut up Ai. At least when you were suicidal, you only hurt yourself. Now you get a second chance at life, and you become a terrorist.”

“Revolutionist, not a terrorist,” I corrected, “The NJC gave me a purpose, something worth fighting for. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of being subjected to power hungry governments. Hades-sama and Rin-sama showed me that countries like the United States of America, Britain, and even we Japanese, are taking advantage of poorer nations, Jaejoong. And I’m helping fix that.”

Jaejoong smirked at that. “Maybe we should try fixing ourselves before fixing the world, Ai.”

I scoffed.

Suddenly, the door leading to our prison smashes open as Seungri comes crashing in and lands magnificently on the floor.

“Nice.” Jaejoong states as Seungri picks himself up.

“Eos,” he pants, his hands on his knees as he tries to catch his breath. “It’s Xiah, he has regained consciousness.”
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| Always Keep the Faith |