Winter must be cold, for those with frozen hearts.

 

Jung Yoonmi knew this to be true. Once upon a time, she had hated winter with every fibre of her being. She found it to be cold, dark, and devoid of life. Yoonmi had once thought that. She knew that! Once, her heart had been frozen like ice, trapped inside of its own pain and confusion. Oh, how cruel she had been! How unsure of everything and how lost in a blizzard of hurt she had been. Yoonmi had pulled away from winter as if it was a plague; something sickly that would spread across her skin with vengeance. She hated it, feeling as if winter was something that had taken everything from her. Yet, now that Yoonmi was a little bit older and little bits wiser, she knew the truth. She was the one keeping things away from herself.

Yoonmi stood in Suho’s living room. They were pressed together, with Suho’s arm tightly wrapped around her. He clung to her frantically. His fingers dug into her back as if he was afraid she would vanish if he let her go. Yoonmi’s own arms were laid across his back. Her fingers brushed against the fabric of his shirt. It felt smooth and soft.

“I’m so glad,” Suho whispered breathlessly into her hair. “I’m so glad you came back. I’ve been waiting for this moment for a long time, been waiting for the moment you came back to my side.”

Yoonmi nodded, unable to utter a word.

“I promise I’ll never hurt you again,” Suho continued, his hold on her tightened. “I swear Yoonmi, I’ll do anything to make you happy. Just please, don’t leave me again...once is more than enough!”

She stiffened. Unable to say anything, she buried her face into the crook of Suho’s arm. It was safe and warm. It was a shelter to hide her face in, keeping her expression away from Suho. He seemed not to notice.

“I love you,” he said. “I really do.”

Yoonmi pulled away from, breaking their embrace. Suho paused, staring at her in surprise. She offered him a bitter smile.

“I am sorry,” she said. “I am sorry that I was the reason you changed into someone I never thought you would be, someone intent on seeking revenge. I’m sorry I dragged you into my messy, broken life.” Yoonmi’s smile grew a bit wider, but sadder. “Eunmi has forgiven you and me. It’s a chance for me to start a new life and move on from my own crippling guilt over my past.”

Yoonmi reached a hand up to Suho’s cheek. She traced it fondly. “I really do love you too,” she whispered. “More than you thought I do. I love you.”

His mouth opened as if to say something. Yoonmi shook her head, stopping him. “I am so grateful I met you,” she said. “I am so happy I met such a charming, kind hearted man like you. I’m so happy you returned my feelings. I’m so grateful for the love you gave to me.”

 

Yoonmi stopped. She couldn’t lie to herself. She really did want Suho back. She had since the moment she had laid eyes on him...yet she knew she shouldn’t. Yoonmi shivered, an uneasy feeling lingered about her. It clung to her skin like the chill of winter. She knew she wasn’t good enough to be with Suho. She didn’t deserve someone like him. Suho had given her nothing but love, but she had only broken his heart. Was that the kind of person she wanted him to be with? No, Yoonmi loved him enough to let him go, to let him be with someone better than she was.

“Suho sshi,” she said, her voice quivering. “I hope you find someone, someday, who will cherish your love. Someone who will appreciate your kindness with a full heart, someone who is not like me. I- all I can say is thank you. Thank you for everything.”

Suho stared at her in shock. His lungs hurt, as if someone had filled them with jagged glass. He blinked slowly, as if to banish the strange reality before him. Suho’s mouth opened as if he was going to say something….but nothing came out. He shook his head in bitterness. They never truly had a chance to start again, weren’t they?

On seeing his face, Yoonmi’s eyes filled with tears. She reached for his hand. She grasped it, surprised to feel how cold it really was. Somehow this brought the tears flowing down her face.

This is their fate.

“I’m sorry.” She choked back a sob. “But if we’re really, truly fated to be together...sooner or later we will be together. We just need to wait for fate to bring us together once more. So, for now we should - need to go on with our lives without each other. Maybe this isn’t our time yet. We should let fate decide. If we were meant to be together, then we will. Maybe not now. Maybe not yet.”

Yoonmi smiled through her tears. To Suho, it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and heard.

“I’m so happy I could see the old Suho again, the warm, kind hearted man I know you are. I will always love you. I’ll pray for your happiness and I’ll hope you do well in your life even if you’re no longer mine. I hope you’re willing to do the same.”

Suho sighed, running his free hand through his hair. He silently nodded, wishing with all his might that face would give him a miracle. He knew this would be hard for Yoonmi. She just would not go back to how close they were before everything hurtful had happened. In fact, it was painful for him too. Yet he always thought his love for Yoonmi was worth the pain. Just because they wanted it to happen, it doesn’t actually mean it will happen. This is fate; something beyond human’s control.

He took a deep breath, pulling Yoonmi close to him. Carefully, he wiped away her tears. If this is the end, then let it be a good, beautiful end for both of them. Suho reached for her hand, lifted it to his lips and kissed her fingertips. “I love you.” He whispered, over and over again.

Yoonmi whimpered, embracing him tightly. Suho’s arms held her as if he never wanted to let her go. Maybe he didn’t. Or, he just couldn’t. Even if he had to, eventually. Yoonmi’s shoulders shook with her sobs. It felt as if someone had stabbed her heart. Suho’s arms seemed to burn her, but she couldn’t force herself to let go of him. Both of them stayed in each other’s embraces for a moment, cherishing every seconds of their moment together. His warmth was all around her, as was his love and again she felt that completeness. She finally had that missing piece of her world back.

Yoonmi pulled back to look Suho in the face. Her tears blurred her vision.

The feeling of his soft, warm lips on hers was a surprise. She gasped slightly, but realized what it was. This was Suho’s last gift to her.

A goodbye kiss.

Yoonmi closed her eyes, and pressed her lips firmly against his. Yoonmi wrapped her arms around his neck. There was a time, between a glance and a kiss...where the world stopped for the briefest of time. The tense, sadness, disappointment. Love. They hung in the air. Her lips were trembling, so did his.

“Farewell, Yoonmi.” His lips slid over her ears. Then, Suho dropped his head on her shoulder; not being able to let her escape from his embrace.

Yoonmi was fairly certain that the tiny crack in voice right after he said ‘farewell’ roughly translated to ‘stay’ in some other languages of their hearts. Goodbye. That cruel forsaken word, how smoothly if formed in the mouth. How lightly if fell of the tongue, but look how violently dismantles a heart. To say goodbye is to die a little. But sometimes, goodbye is just another painful way to say ‘I love you, and please stay.’

 

 

I will make it that I didn’t hear it all, It just keep on making me laugh

Will you really be like this, is this all you can be, for real?

 

Xiumin’s soft voice floated through the air. Accompanying it were the gentle sounds of a piano and guitar. Xiumin’s eyes were closed, but his fingers firmly played the correct keys. Sitting to his right was Yixing, who quietly strummed the guitar in time to Xiumin. Together, they sat on the backstage of a cafe. It was a cheery place, with the smell of coffee surrounding the plush seats and warm lighting. The stage was only raised up a few feet, but the lights strung about it ensured it was visible from anywhere in the room.

 

No no how can you be?

You made me love you and how can you do this?

 

Both of them, upon graduation, wanted to do something involving music. It only made sense for them to do that something together. On Yixing’s suggestion, the two of them had opened up a cafe. Every weekend, they performed. Xiumin liked weekends the most. Not that he didn't enjoy running the cafe; it was just that he felt so alive when he played on their stage. His fingers brushed across the keys with a quiet gentleness. This was where he was the happiest.

 

I can’t I can’t I really can’t

Goodbye, please don’t say it

 

A girl stood by the wall, her eyes fixated upon the small stage. A small smile hovered in the corner of her pretty lips. Yoonmi laughed silently when Yixing made eye contact with her and then winked. He surely was like a big brother. Tearing her eyes off the small performance, Yoonmi returned to her work. It really was a blessing to have such a welcoming and comfortable part time job. Yoonmi was still in university with one year and half left before she graduates, and any work she could find was helpful. She hummed to herself as she cleared some dirty dishes left upon a table. Xiumin had a sweet, almost angelic voice. She loved listening to it as she worked. Sometimes, especially on weekends when Yixing was not there, Xiumin would ask her to play a duet with him.

 

I can’t do that, I can’t do it without you

Why you like this even knowing everything

How many times did I say it? I will make it that I didn’t hear the break news

 

It had taken a long time for Yoonmi to say yes to him. However, she eventually did. Yoonmi would sit on the inside of the piano bench, allowing Xiumin’s larger body to block the view of the customers. Then, she would happily press a few keys here and there. But heaven forbid she sings! Yoonmi smiled to herself. She had no singing talent whatsoever. Yoonmi was just fine with that. Her smile grew wider as she remembered the first time she had heard Xiumin's singing voice. Back then, she had thought it was maybe a ghost’s. But, instead of a ghost, Yoonmi found a warm and wise friend.

 

No no how can you be

You made me love you and how can you do this

I can’t I can’t I really can’t

Goodbye, please don’t say it

 

Yoonmi sighed, her mind travelling back two years ago. Has it really been that long? She thought wistfully. She glanced outside, watching the snow flutter down to the streets. It was December once more, and so much had changed since then. She shook her head. Her memories of that time were not bad. Yes, hurtful things had happened. Yet Yoonmi could not bring herself to call all of it sad.

 

First time I saw you, coming slowly

You said you love me with shaking lips

You shook me, you made me to love you

And now why you leave me, please don’t leave

 

And, she thought, at least some things did not change. Xiumin’s voice is still sweet and melodic as always. Against her will, Yoonmi’s thoughts turned to Suho. She had never forgotten him. She never thought she could forget him! Just as her thoughts began to twist into something darker and sadder, clap! The noise distracted her, and Yoonmi’s mind was torn from her memories. She paused, smiling widely as the crowd clapped wildly for the duo on the stage. Xiumin and Yixing stood, bowing in unison. Yoonmi turned from them, hefting the dishes into the kitchen. She placed them in the sink and then walked out to the main area again. As she did, the door swung open. Eunmi’s irritated figure swept into the cafe, stomping her foot. Eunmi was scowling, her lips muttering something to herself. Her twin sister sat down at an empty table by the cafe’s large glass window. Before Yoonmi could grow too concerned, she realized the source of her sister’s irritation.

Jongin walked into the cafe right after. He glanced around, his face lighting up when he saw Eunmi by the window. He quickly walked over to her. Yoonmi shook her head and turned away. Jongin had been sticking next to Eunmi for two years now. No matter what Eunmi thought of, Jongin always seemed happy when he was next to her. Yoonmi laughed at them. Eunmi insisted she would never date Jongin, giving the excuse she wasn’t into younger guys. And of course, Jongin refused to accept that, stating he was only several months younger. It shouldn’t count! He’d say. Months don’t count you know. Plus, dating a younger guy is not a sin!

At this rate, Yoonmi thought, Eunmi might give up and date him...she might, seeing as he’s not the same playboy we once knew! In any case, she should at least tell him the reason Eunmi won’t date him isn’t because of Suho. Eunmi is over that by now. Yoonmi stopped mid step.

Suho. Kim Junmyeon.

The name curled inside of her heart. She hadn’t seen him since he graduated. According to Jongin, he was now a freelance photographer who travelled the world. She sighed, wherever he was, be safe. She missed him, she won’t deny it. Thinking of him had become a habit to Yoonmi. It felt like pressing on a bruise or picking at a scab; it slowed down the healing but it left a weird feeling on her skin that she could not get enough of it. She missed him. She still loves him. She never thought she would love someone this hard, with the fact that they knew each other in a short time. In a short time, she fell in love with him. And, in a short time…she hurt him repeatedly; being selfish and idiot.

Yoonmi shrugged the thoughts away and keep eyeing Eunmi and Jongin at their table. Jongin, like usual, was talking almost nonstop in an effort to get Eunmi’s attention. Like usual, Eunmi tolerated it with a half bored look upon her face.

“Uhm, Jonginie doesn’t like coffee! Jonginie wants to eat ice cream!” Yoonmi cringed at the sight of Jongin trying to win her sister with his ‘deadly’ aegyo.

“Seriously? Jonginie? Ice cream? In this weather?!” Eunmi’s jaw dropped, trying to hide her smile seeing the guy beside her. She rolled her eyes afterwards, leaning her back on the chair.

“Just because it’s snowing out there, doesn’t mean we are not allowed to eat something cold too.” He commented, pouting his lips. Yoonmi grinned from afar, enjoying what she was seeing.

“Alright. Just go and eat your ice cream, Baby Jongin...” Eunmi shot back, hoping Jongin would stop following her around just for today.

“Baby? Did you just call me baby? So, it’s official now!” He exclaimed excitedly, clapping his hand.

“Wait-what? No! That’s not what I mean! Kim Jongin!”

“Yes, babe?” He smiled widely.

“Don’t you dare ‘babe’ me, Jongin.” She scowled, narrowing her eyes.

“Alright, honey!”

“Oh my god, erghh...Kim Jongin!”

“Relax, relax! Chill, Eunmi! I got it; you are still not over Suho hyung yet! Even you said you already did.” He muttered, his smile vanished in seconds.

“I am not! I’ve told you so many times already. I am over him!”

 

“So, you’re into Chanyeol hyung now? I saw both of you had lunch together a few days ago!”

“No! We were just hanging out as friends! Oh my god, look at me now! Why am I even explaning this to you?” mentally face-palming herself, Eunmi frowned.

“Baekhyun hyung?” Jongin raised his eyebrows, obviously being jealous to see Eunmi with his other friends.

“No,” She denied, keeping her tone low. She was still part of Photography Club with Kyungsoo being the president, replacing Suho who had graduated almost year after that ‘incident’. So, it wasn’t something unusual to see Eunmi hanging out with the rest of them.

“Sehun?”

“No, Jongin. No!” Yelling; she finally lost her temper.

“Then, date me! I am your cure...an antidote to your broken heart.” He lowered his tone.

“Ugh, that's too cheesy!” But then, Eunmi noticed something odd. “Wait...why aren’t you asking about Kyungsoo?”

“Oh, simple! That’s because I know you’re not his style. He prefers someone glamorous and tall rather than a dwarf! Ops, let me rephrase that, uhm...a cutie pie!” Jongin answered confidently.

“A dwarf? Are you dissing me right now? Jongin...you also know I’m not-”

“Oh, no! Don’t even dare to recycle that ‘I’m not into younger guy’ excuse anymore!”

She sighed, feeling defeated. Eunmi bit her lower lips, staring at Jongin’s face blankly. That feeling, that feeling of chasing someone around and trying to win his heart...Eunmi had felt it before. It hurts, and unbearable. Jongin must be feeling the same thing right now. Eunmi mentally face-palming. She should at least open up to him even though he is obviously not Eunmi’s taste. She never thought the guy beside her would end up asking Eunmi to date him.

She no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But she was beginning to believe that a very few times in her life, if she was lucky, she might meet someone who was exactly right for her. Not because he was perfect, but because their combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together. Is Jongin the one she waited for?

She remembered the moment when she found out Yoonmi and Suho decided not to get back together two years ago. Eunmi was upset with Yoonmi for letting Suho go. But she slowly realised, everything happens for a reason. Someday, they’ll get back together. Eunmi believed that!

That was why she kept Jongin closed to her, since Jongin was the only one who still keeping in touch with Suho after he graduated. Through Jongin, she managed to know about Suho’s current whereabouts. Eunmi shared with her twin sisters about everything she knew about Suho. Eunmi could read it from her expression; Yoonmi was still hoping for her first love to come back, even though Yoonmi would just stay silent whenever Eunmi say anything about him.

Jongin, of course being Kim Jongin; helping Eunmi wasn’t something he would do for free. In returned, he always asked Eunmi to buy him foods, attending and cheering for Jongin whenever he participated in dance competition. Eunmi just did it to repay his good deeds, nothing much and claiming that they were ‘friends with benefits’. But, Eunmi slowly notice that something was wrong with Jongin when he kept showing his jealousy whenever she’s with her other guy friends and asking for a kiss on his cheeks in return for every information about Suho that he shared with Eunmi rather than foods and drinks. Things were getting harder on last February, as Jongin openly asking Eunmi to date him and started following her around like a lost puppy. Eunmi inhaled, closing her eyes for a couple seconds. Jongin was still staring at her, furrowing.

“Okay, let’s just take it slow and-” Eunmi gently stated, half surrendered.

“Deal! But don’t push me away, just like what you always did!”

“When did I?”

“You never did? Alright then...” Jongin then stood up immediately. He grabbed the chair he was sitting before and dragged it dangerously close to Eunmi’s. Repositioning himself, he sat on the chair right next to Eunmi and grinning from ear to ear. Eunmi quickly pushed his body away when Jongin slowly leaned towards her, obviously trying to tease and manipulating her statement earlier.

“Urghh, Jung Yoonmi! Help me! Until when are you planning to just stand there and watch us?!”

Both Jongin and Yoonmi laughed at Eunmi’s words. Yoonmi walked towards the two, still laughing.

“Why should I? He’s obviously harmless.” Yoonmi answered mischievously, as Jongin winked at Yoonmi. He was beyond happy to see Yoonmi was on his side instead of Eunmi’s.

“See? Even Yoonmi could see that!” Jongin added, leaning his body closer to Eunmi even though Eunmi kept trying to push his stiffened body away. Yoonmi turned around; noticing another familiar figure in that cafe.

This girl, a young thing dressed in a pale pink dress and black coat, sat at the table nearest to the stage. Every time this girl came to the cafe she chose that spot. She sat at it now, watching Xiumin with wide, shy eyes. When he glanced over, she blushed and ripped her gaze away. Yoonmi nudged Eunmi, gaining her attention. She gestured towards the girl. Eunmi smiled knowingly at her. The pink girl had come to the cafe for months now, but had never had the courage to say anything to Xiumin. At best, she would sit there and listen to his music. She seemed to like his music the most.

Yoonmi walked away, leaving Eunmi with Jongin. Eunmi shot her a pretend upset look, but winked at her. Yoonmi quickly walked over to where Xiumin stood by the door.

“Xiumin sunbae...” she said.

“Yah, I thought you said you’d call me oppa instead of sunbae? I’m not even your sunbae anymore. Seriously, it has been two years since I graduated! I thought you wanted to be my sister...” Xiumin pouted, but Yoonmi didn’t seem to take it seriously.

Even though he kept insisting, it didn’t bothered Yoonmi at all. Xiumin was in dazed for seconds; his eyes were still on her. She is the type of girl that could be so hurt but still looking at him and smile gracefully. At least, Yoonmi isn’t the old Yoonmi. The present Yoonmi is different from the old Yoonmi from two years ago. She smiled more frequent, her laugh sounded naturally honest, and sometimes, she even joked around and kept teasing him for some reason. The present Yoonmi, put Xiumin in harder situation. He was confused at first. To let go or to hold onto what he felt for the past two years. But then, Xiumin noticed something. Deep down her heart, Xiumin knew she was still waiting for the miracle to show its magic and bring that one guy come back to her and started what they had ended before. Xiumin sighed silently, if only he had the chance to change one’s heart. Xiumin had lost someone that wasn’t even his.

Once upon a time, Xiumin fell in love with a girl who couldn’t love him back. That’s when he decided to let his feeling go. The end.

‘Dear Cupid, next time please hit both! Not just my heart.’ Xiumin whispered in his mind, suddenly letting out an awkward laugh.

“Sunbae?” Yoonmi raised her eyebrows, wondering what he’s laughing at.

“Yes?”

“There’s someone who wants to talk to you,” she grinned instead.

He frowned. “Who?” he said, looking around for the irritated or angry customer. He never had his waitresses handle the angry ones; he or Yixing always took care of it for them. “Where are they?”

“She’s sitting over there,” Yoonmi said, laughing. “The one in the pink dress. I think she’d love to talk to you. Go over there!”

“What?” He exclaimed, his eyes wide. “Wait- I-”

It was too late, Yoonmi was already shoving him towards the table. He jerked forward, his feet propelling him towards her even as he tried to stop himself. It took seconds for him to reach her and begin to introduce himself. She smiled happily as he began stumbling over his words. The girl in the pink dress was blushing heavily, but she was responding. They were interacting, in their own awkward, cute way. Yoonmi laughed; at least someone was going to be happy!

 

 

Winter must be cold, for those with no warm memories.

 

She was no longer cold; at least that was what he was hoping for. The winter is still cold but his beautiful memories with her were keeping him heart warmer. His eyes opened, and he began to stroll through the park.

Suho looked up at that sky, marvelling at the beauty of it. He stood in the park where he had taken her on a date two years ago. He smiled, remembering how a younger version of him had thought they were fated to be together forever. He shook his head, raising his camera to capture another picture of the snowy playground. They were not together forever, but he would not regret the time he had spent with Yoonmi. Not for a single instant. There were no bitter memories here, only happy ones. After all, it was all fated wasn’t it?

Suho’s camera focused first on the falling snow, and then on the background. Suho frowned, realizing that the camera was focusing on a figure and not the playground. He pulled the camera down, intending to wait until they had left. Instead, he froze in shock.

Her.

Jung Yoonmi.

She was standing near the frozen lake with her back slightly facing him, but Suho could still see her side profile clearly. Above her, the sky unleashed a flurry of tiny, swirling snowflakes. She looked up, letting the snowflakes fall onto her face. The prick of cold made her smile. She inhaled slowly, soaking it all in. Then, she stepped forward and backward, her neck twisting and turning, memorizing every corner. She must be feeling an instant connection to this place, just like him. Something about being here grabbed both him and her and infatuated them.

His heart throbbed at the sight of her. Suho stopped, his mind scrambling to decide what to do. Should he leave without alerting her to his presence? Would she want to see him? Talk to him? Would she be disappointed if he left without a word?

Two years.

It’s been two years since they parted from each other...if they have met here once again, was it fate or just coincidence?

Swallowing his concern, Suho hesitantly approached her but his steps stop a few metres away from her. Minutes later, Yoonmi turned her body around, only to see the face she was missing for the past two years. He was there, staring at her with unreadable expression on his face. Her eyes widened as she saw him, falling open in surprise. Yet she did not seem disappointed. She walked towards him, her boots crunching the falling snow down. Suho’s heart skipped a beat. She was as beautiful as he remembered, possibly more. The memories of their last moment together from two years ago struck him right away.

Yoonmi stopped before him. A silence hung over them, something that threatened to drive Suho crazy. Yet every word he tried to say died in his dry throat. Thankfully, Yoonmi smiled. It was sincere, and the sight of it made Suho let out a long sigh of relief. She was not angry with him. In fact, she seemed brighter than he had ever seen. She’s happy now, he thought. The idea made him happy too.

“It’s been awhile.” Yoonmi said. She tugged a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “Jongin said you were travelling.” They were sitting next to each other on a frozen wooden bench near the lake.

“Oh,” Suho stumbled over his words. The awkwardness of this was making it hard to think. “Yes, I was in Japan for a while, photographing some of their mountains.” He smiled, but it seemed forced to her. “They have beautiful mountains...”

“I supposed I don’t know,” Yoonmi remarked. “I’ve never been there. Glad to know that you’re doing well.” She smiled slightly, playing with her bare hands.

“I’ve been here and there, photographing nature and working on my first solo photo exhibition. Since it’s my first solo exhibition, I decided to make it in my homeland.” He explained, trying to sound friendly and fresh. She nodded as response, awkwardly looking into his eyes for a few seconds before she looked down, back to playing with her hands.

A hushed silence crept over them once more. They stood quietly in the encroaching darkness. Above them, the snowflakes continued their dance to the earth. Suho swallowed, staring at how they grasped onto Yoonmi’s eyelashes. Suho’s eyes travelled on her calm face before he stopped at a familiar knitted scarf wrapped around her neck.

“You look different.” He said, not being able to stop looking at her. She still looked beautiful in his eyes. She wasn’t that brave, she had a past that wasn’t all that lovely, yet she still tried to put a smile on her face for her loved ones. She felt like art. Sometimes colourful, sometimes dull, sometimes with bright, hopeful eyes, Sometimes only black and white, But she was always a piece of exquisite art. She was a lionhearted girl, as much as she said she didn’t deserve him, he often felt like it was the other way around.

“Finally, I’m able to smile for me.” Yoonmi replied. Her heart has melted, she was no longer cold. She used to be cold, heart was frozen before. But, in right hand, she melted.

“I can tell how happy you are, now.”

“How?”

"Your eyes. You’re smiling with your eyes...” His tone softened, accompanied with a small chuckle.

“Yoonmi,” Suho said quietly, her name sounded different somehow when it passed through his lips. “Will you accept my invitation?”

It must be fate. It must be. It...must be-  Must it be fate?

“Invitation? To where?”

“Back to my side.” He answered in a joking manner, praying that she would take it as a joke instead of flatly rejecting him. But, he could feel a different emotion once he laid his eyes on her. Something that he wasn’t expecting for. He didn’t feel good after saying that. Yoonmi kept her eyes on him, her gaze unblinking and he stared back into her eyes; deeper and firmer.

“You’re invited to my exhibition.” He quickly added and looked away, clearing his throat.

“Sure, I will come! Thanks for inviting me. When is it?”

“Ah, uh...there’s no particular date set yet. But I’ll be sure to send you the invitation card once it’s confirmed!”

“Ah, alright then. I’ll be waiting.” Yoonmi calmly answered.

“It- it’s supposed to be a joke, I’m sorry if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Besides, this is our first meeting after two years.”

“That’s fine.” Yoonmi replied after a few seconds, “To be honest, I was hoping it’s not a joke.” Chuckling awkwardly, Yoonmi took a quick glance towards his side profile; trying to examine his reaction.

Suho looked unexpectedly expressionless; bringing disappointment to Yoonmi. He might not feel the same as he used to be, or he might have found someone to replace her in his heart. That’s all Yoonmi could think at the moment. She wanted him back; she wanted him to know that. Suho remained silent beside her. He obviously thinking of something; something proper for him to say. Suho stood up, suddenly grabbing Yoonmi’s waist and making her stood right in front of him. His shaking hands were placed on her shoulders; grabbing softly.

He sighed; dropping his sight to the snowy ground before gazing up to Yoonmi’s calm face. She was waiting, waiting for the miracle to take place between them. Smiling, his trembling lips started to form words.

“You know,” Suho hesitated to continue but he still did. “For the past two years, I keep asking myself. What should I do if we meet again? Can we start over? Can we be strangers again? Maybe I can introduce myself, we can talk and laugh...and relearn something that we already know. Coming up with new inside jokes, creating new memories and give each other...a second chance. I keep asking myself those questions. Here I am now, coming back to this land and trying to figure the answer. I think I have the answer now. Even thought I never expect this…”

“Do you still believe in fate?” She asked.

“I do.” Suho answered, almost immediately. “Do you?” Suho asked her back.

“I do, and I’m still waiting for my fate, for our fate.” She said. Yoonmi tried to talk herself out of every emotion she was having after they parted, and of course, it is failing to a fault. She was still sad, she was still mad of herself for not holding onto him, she was still heartbroken, she missed him. She loved him, she never stopped. And that was the beginning and end of everything.

Suho looked at her face, finding only sincerity there. Her voice sounded honest, giving him a flicker of hope. He gazed into her eyes, wondering what they hide from him.

“Our fate?” He asked quietly, holding his breath.

“Our fate; what is meant to be, will always find its way. “ Yoonmi smiled at the end of her words. Suho watched her lips forming the words as he’s slowly returning her smile.

Suho was finally able to find the answer. He finally sees what he actually wanted to see. Suho was sure of this, it will be the best answer for both of them.

“And what is not meant to be, will never happen…right? Even how much we wanted it to happen…it just won’t do anymore.” Suho said. His eyes showed different emotion, but his lips were smiling. “Even if we cannot be together at the end, I’m still thankful that you were part of my life, Yoonmi.”

Her heart skipped a beat at his words.

 

She was part of his life.

 

Suho was frustrated with his own words, but strangely at the same time he felt relief. He didn’t want this but this seemed to be the best way for both of them. No more years to waste thinking about something unsure. Everything should find its way today. As for Suho, this is the most proper way both of them could follow.

 

Growing up, moving on.

 

It was clear for her to say any words. His hand slipped down of her shoulders. She nodded, agreeing. Things will never be the same again. Just because she was waiting, just because she was hoping even for few decades…if it’s not meant to be, it will never be.

 

“But if we’re really, truly fated to be together...sooner or later we will be together. We just need to wait for fate to bring us together once more. So, for now we should - need to go on with our lives without each other. Maybe this isn’t our time yet. We should let fate decide. If we were meant to be together, then we will. Maybe not now. Maybe not yet. Maybe not anymore.”

 

Yoonmi clearly remembered what she said on their farewell two years ago. So, she decided to stop uttering.

Their smiles faded.

They looked into each other's eyes.

A thousand words were said but none uttered.

There was some kind of pull between them.

Strange, awkward, heavy with feelings, thick and layered like atmosphere, they found themselves lost in the middle of each other. And eventually, they were strangers again. Strangers with memories.