When Yoonmi said that she would come back, she really did keep her promise. There she was. She stood in front of the Music Room before she knocked a few times, but there was no reply. Even so, Yoonmi still waited in front of the room and hoped that the door would be open but it didn’t. Only after waiting for five minutes in front of the door without any response, Yoonmi eventually opened the door and she peeked into the room before she went in. She sighed in disappointment. He wasn’t there as he’d usually be. Where was he? Where in the world could Xiumin be when she really wished that he was there, waiting for her presence in that room as he used to?

Xiumin’s unexplainable expression flashed across her mind. He seemed to be holding some kind of secret; an unpleasurable one probably. Every man has his secret sorrows which the world doesn't know; and often people call a man cold when he was sad. Yoonmi knew that. Ahe could feel that. Xiumin wasn’t someone who looked cold when they first met. In fact, he ooked really heartwarming. His friendly smile, his meaningful words, his soft, captivating voice, all of those things were stuck in her mind without her knowing.

“She….who is this ‘she’…?” Yoonmi mumbled and rubbed the dust on the piano by using her fingertip. Her mind couldn’t stop thinking about ‘her’. She remembered it vividly. Xiumin did say that Yoonmi resembled ‘her’ a lot. That Yoonmi looked like ‘her’, but the thing was, who is this ‘she’? Yoonmi knew perfectly that 'she' was the core of Xiumin's secret because she had been there, in that position, like when she was dwelled on the past.  She was able to empathize with him, and she knew that he was probably waiting for someone to relieve his burden, to help him move on, just like how Suho had changed her.

Yoonmi glanced at her watch and eventually made a move to leave the room when the door suddenly opened . It was Xiumin. Both of them seemed to be unavoidably awkward. Unlike Yoonmi, Xiumin knew how to hide being flustered very well. Xiumin showed no specific reaction and took a few steps into the room and shortened the distance between Yoonmi and himself. He smiled and settled his gentle gaze on her face. Yoonmi was intrigued by the smile upon his face, and the sadness within his eyes. When her eyes met his gaze as they were sitting there, staring at each other - and time stopped. Those eyes were piercing hers, and Yoonmi could swear at that moment, she sensed the real him; the one without the attitude, without the façade.

“Where- Where did you come from?” Yoonmi asked as Xiumin sat on a chair right next to the piano as he always did when Yoonmi came by.

“Where did I come from.?” Xiumin raised his eyebrows, as he felt slightly confused with Yoonmi question. The look in his eyes were totally different from before. It didn’t look tensed and depressed. The gentle, heartwarming and friendly look of his had come back and Yoonmi was slightly relieved bythat.

“Er… I mean, you’re always here whenever I come…But you weren't here today, so I was wondering where you have been.”

“Uh, Uhm... Classes.”

“Classes? I thought you’re-”

“Yes, I do have a few classes to attend. I’m still a student of this university after all. I’m not a ghost, I’m a human being… Vven sometimes... Or maybe most of the time I look like a lifeless person, locking myself in this abandoned room, refusing to attend the club meetings. I do have a life; as a student mostly.” Xiumin explained, already pulling out a few music sheets from his shoulder bag.

Yoonmi was embarrassed and nodded in silence. The curiosity regarding ‘her’ was still on her mind. The way Xiumin looked, and the way he talked today made her doubt bringing up who 'she' was. Xiumin acted like he had never mentioned anything about it and in fact, he looked brighter than before. Yoonmi was dumbfounded; she wasn’t sure what to say exactly and considered to ask him about the unfinished story when Xiumin suddenly pulled her closer toward him and hinted at her to sit beside him.

“Do you want to learn how to play piano?”

“Huh? Uh… Er, but I-”

“Very well,” Xiumin tilted his head towards her, examining her blank expression before he grabbed both of her hands and put it on the piano keys. The moment that his hand touched hers, instead of warmth, Yoonmi could feel coldness covering his hand and fingers. She was slightly taken aback and her fingers stiffened due to the sudden touch. “Each of your fingers is a different word that describes the story. By itself it’s meaningless, but-” Xiumin pushed down on a few fingers of hers; helping her play a few notes.

“Wait… I was actually-”

“String them together and you have a melody. You have a story. So, Yoonmi, what stories do you want to tell?”

'A story?' Yoonmi whispered to herself mentally. And in an instant, Suho’s face appeared in her mind. A sweet confession that shook her trembling heart echoed in her ears and the worst partwas that she couldn’t even get rid of it from her mind because it clung into her heart in a pleasureable way. Even though she didn’t say anything as an answer to Suho’s confession, her reaction already showed it all. Yoonmi realized that she didn’t even try to resist his lips from touching hers and thats what made Yoonmi realize her own feelings towards him. She’s felt the same toward him. Her feelings blossomed and she became flustered as she had the same heart pounding feelings that Suho felt toward her.

“Yoonmi?” Xiumin snapped his fingers in front of Yoonmi’s eyes and Yoonmi blinked as she was slightly surprised. Yoonmi looked down afterward; and realised that she must have been daydreaming about Suho instead of answering Xiumin’s question.

"You're blushing... Are you feeling unwell?"

"Uh?" Yoonmi frantically placed her palms on both of her cheeks; as if she could feel the blush with her shaking hands.

"Yoonmi? Are you alright?"

“Uh… Sorry, I don’t really have any story to be told through the piano keys.”

“Pianos, unlike people, sing when you give them your every growl. They know how to dive into the pit of your stomach and harmonize with your roars when you’ve split yourself open. You hear lots of notes, don’t you? Some have a major sound. Some have a minor sound. But there’s not one blue note among all these black and white keys. The real blues, the soul of the sound, comes from the spaces in-between,” and so, he played the piano.

Yoonmi had always paid attention to his fingers rather than his face because they told so much more. People remembered to guard their faces. They forget about their hands. For the first time, she understood what real danger does to the human mind, as flat white fear froze the coils of her brain. Listening to him play was like discovering an eagle in the wild. It was tumblingly bewitching yet overwhelmingly desolating. As for the piano, the faster his fingers flew over it, the more she marveled. He struck the keys with aplomb and ran from one end of the piano to the other without stopping. There was something about him playing, a knowledge of darkness in the most extreme form that conveyed his inner sorrows.

 

I had a nightmare
before I could hug you, who were crying
I woke up…

With a sad heart, I opened the curtains
with my moonlight-stained tears, I send you a letter

Remember, when things were hard
I always turned your tears into smiles
don’t cry in places without me, don’t cry
because you always had a lot of tears…

 

The faded photos that I almost threw away
it hurts so much that I can’t look at them now

It’s another sleepless night
I sit in my dark room with opened eyes
drawing out your face

Your shy smile and gentle eyes
I want to hug you, what do I do?
Don’t cry in places without me, good-bye
because you can’t lend my shoulders anymore

I love you (I still love you so much, I miss you)
Don’t cry (Please be happy in that place)
I’m missing you

No, it’s my turn to cry, I’ll cry now
I’ll take all of your tears
It’s my turn to cry, give them to me
Even those tears, this time

Don’t cry baby
It’s my turn to cry, I’ll cry now
I’ll take all of your tears
It’s my turn to cry, give them to me
Even those tears, this time

Even those tears, this time
Even those tears, this time
Even those tears, this time
I love you, I love you
I love you, I love you, don’t cry
Give them to me....

 

He sang gently. He had a clear voice and the lyrics remained in her ears long after the song had ended. But it didnn’t last long because Yoonmi finally opened .

“Who is she?”

“She?”

“You did told me before that I looked like her, that I resembled her a lot... May I know who is she?”

“Someone used to be part of my life… Someone who used to be part of this world.” Xiumin answered as he still played the piano. He knew that was the main reason why Yoonmi came into the music room that evening, she must have been curious about this ‘she’ was and he had no thought about keeping who ‘she’ was a secret. As for Yoonmi, she evaluated Xiumin’s short answer and she could tell that she must be someone meaningful to him. Most probably, she might be his-

“Y-Your... Girl-”

“Girlfriend?” He interrupted, and let out a soft chuckled while Yoonmi nodded in agreement.

“No… She wasn't not. She was my little sister.” Xiumin shook his head. His voice sounded deep and somber. There was raw emotion hidden behind his solemn tone.

“Where is she now?”

“Gone."

"Gone?"

"Gone. Forever. Probably watching us all the time from heaven…”

Silence. Yoonmi couldn’t even say a word when she heard his last sentence. She felt guilty for bringing up something unpleasant for him to talk about. 'Gone'. His sister had died. The dim sorrow in his eyes were back, but he hid it with a smile that was obviously looked forced. He was obviously missed her, it could be seen when Xiumin introduced her as his little sister.

“It was me… She's gone because of me. I was supposed to take care of her but I was careless, and now… She’s gone without giving me a second chance to take care of her as how it should have been. She loved winter, and she loved it when I play the piano for her, singing her favourite songs… But I can't do it anymore... I can't do anything to please her anymore. I miss her... So much. They say when we are missing someone, they are probably feeling the same. But I don't think it's possible for her to miss me as much as I'm miss her right now because she doesn't even exist in this world anymore. Moving on from our past life... Is that really hard to do?" He raised his sad brown eyes to meet hers.

"Moving on is not as simple as how it sounds..." Yoonmi answered, and looked deep into Xiumin's eyes. Her curiousity grew but she couldn't bring herself to ask more about his litte sister. She felt like she would make him feel sadder if she did. What he needed was comfort, encouragement and motivation.

"Moving on is simple, it's what you leave behind that makes it so difficult ,I thought I wouldn’t be able to let go my past and move on without her but I knew that sooner or later we've all got to let go of our past. It is important that we forgive ourselves for making mistakes. We need to learn from our errors and move on…” He sounded regretful but calm at the same time. He understood the importance of moving on yet he was in a stage of pre-contemplation, and resisted change. They had the same story, but for Yoonmi, she had another chance to bring happiness to Eunmi’s life. She could fully understand his feelings because she felt the same, the bad feelings… The guilt, she had already felt all those unpleasurable emotions. She recalled how desperatedly she had wanted to exchange her life with Eunmi, to give everything up so that the past could be rewinded.

Her heart had grown so familiar to the pain, that to respond now seemed too large of a pleasure that she could not endure. Yoonmi really wanted to tell Xiumin that she understood how he felt, she really wanted to share the same feelings that she used to feel but everything she wanted to tell him - she was unable to do so because she was afraid to hear her own voice come out of her heart and be covered with blood.

“And then you came into this room, and you brought all of those memories of her back alive… You made me hope and believe that she was still alive, in a different form, in your form... When I said you were already needed at the moment you first entered this room, I wasn't lying...” He whispered with glittery eyes.