Jongin walked across the snow-covered road. His boots crunched the snow beneath them, pushing it down. He walked up the unshoved walk way that lead up to Suho's house. All the lights were turned off. Jongin frowned. He walked up the steps and knocked loudly on the door. Suho had called him that morning. The young man had been disjointed and it sounded like he had been crying. Jongin had seen Suho cry before, but somehow this pain felt different. Suho felt different. Jongin shifted from foot to foot, feeling uneasy and troubled by this. 

Suho slowly opened the door. Jongin could see his puffy red eyes and pale skin. Jongin walked inside the darkened house. He paused in the living room, unsure of what to say next. 

‘Hello Suho, what did you do wrong now?’  He shivered, avoiding Suho's eyes. 

"Hello," Jongin said quietly. "How was your trip?"

There was another meaning behind that, but Suho chose to ignore it. He forced a smile on his weary face. He closed the door, shutting out the bitterly cold air. 

"It was fine," he said. "How is school going? Are you ready to go back after the break?"

Jongin shrugged, slightly bewildered by Suho's odd actions. He took a few steps back, letting Suho pass him to sit on the couch. He watched Suho carefully. The young man moved slowly, as if he ached or was in pain. Suho sat stiffly on the couch, hands clenching each other as if he was nervous. Jongin sat down as well; likewise he was stiff and careful with his motions. Something is wrong here. 

"I guess," he said. "But-"

He stopped. Should he say something? Suho did call him...so shouldn't they be talking about what had happened? Jongin had a horrible feeling that Suho's revenge plan had gone horribly, horribly wrong. 

"Jongin," Suho's voice held a touch of warning in it. Jongin, like always, ignored Suho's warning. 

"How's your relationship with Eunmi?" he asked bluntly. 

Suho's eyes widened. A brief moment of guilt spread across his face, and then all traces of emotion passed. Suho retreated into a dark part of himself that Jongin could not touch. Suho leaned back, but his hands were white and shaking. 

"My relationship...." he trailed off. Suho was hesitating and Jongin felt nervous about the why. 

"Hyung...." he whispered, unsure if he wanted to know the answer to it. "How is your revenge plan coming along? Is it working?"

To Jongin's shock, Suho burst into tears. Suho buried his face in his hands, sobbing into them. Memories of that horrible night came flooding into his mind. He had been with Yoonmi, he had sat with the girl that he had given his heart to. She had been with him and she had rejected him! If Suho's heart was broken before, it was ground to dust now. He felt as if he had nothing left of it. Yoonmi had made sure of that. 

"I talked with Yoonmi on the trip," he cried.

Jongin leaned forward. His eyebrows scrunched together in concern. 

"What did she say?" he asked his own voice hoarse. 

Suho shook his head. "I told her I loved her," he said. "And she told me she loved me too."

Jongin gasped. "And?"

"She told me we could never be together." 

Even saying it out loud made Suho's body ach and shiver. It made him feel a little bit closer to death by realizing it out loud. The words slipped from his mouth like a bitter poison. "And then she left me again."

Jongin sighed. Standing up, he walked over to Suho. He sat next to him, looping his arm around the older boy's shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he said. What else could he say? This was a hurtful situation and Jongin didn't think Suho could come out of it unscathed. 

"I don't want to continue my plan," Suho admitted, his sobs growing quieter. "I can't keep doing it. It's obvious now that Yoonmi truly doesn't care for me. If she did, she would never have put me through this...we're never going to get back together again." 

Jongin patted his back, feeling slightly relieved that Suho had realized this. He felt a sharp stab of anger towards Yoonmi for creating this problem though. If you really loved someone, he thought. You should hold on to them no matter what. 

"I've been thinking about Eunmi," Suho said, cutting into the thick silence. Jongin raised an eyebrow. Suho nodded as he wiped his eyes. "I feel so guilty for what I've done to her...Eunmi has been nothing but kind and I've been treating her as if she doesn't matter at all. All I've done is think about Yoonmi and myself. None of this was meant to hurt Eunmi, but at the same time I created a plan that would hurt her no matter what the end was."

Jongin let out a sigh of relief. He smiled a bit, glad that Suho had finally realized this. Jongin might think Eunmi was spoiled, but no one should be in the middle of this mess. Not like Eunmi was, not when none of this was her fault. It was all on the heads of the people she had trusted. 

"It's okay hyung," he rushed to say. "Now that you know that you and Yoonmi will never work out, I think you should focus on you and Eunmi now. This entire time you were thinking of Yoonmi. Maybe it's time to just think about Eunmi."

Jongin's words rung true to Suho. He sighed, rubbing his face. His tired eyes stung with tears. He felt tired and defeated. So he listened to what Jongin had to say. 

"I think if you gave Eunmi a chance, you could learn to love her like she loves you," Jongin said slowly. "Because I think she really does love you...shouldn't you forgive Yoonmi and stop taking out your anger on his sister? Appreciate Eunmi for who she is!"

"I know," Suho said. "I think-"

Ring, ring, ring!

They froze, staring at the door. Suho wasn't expecting anyone else. He had only called Jongin. The doorbell rung again. Sighing, Suho wiped his face once more. Then he walked to the door and jerked it open. 

Standing on his doorstep was Eunmi and Yoonmi. 

What is this?

"Hyung?" Jongin's voice echoed around the shocked Suho. "Who is that?

The words landed on the tip of Suho's tongue. He couldn't force them out. He could only stare at the two girls as they waited outside his house. He heard Jongin get up and walk across the room. Jongin breathed in as if about to say something, but he stopped as soon as he saw who it was. 

"Hello," Eunmi said calmly. Her face was bright and smiled happily. "Can we come in?"

Suho silently opened the door. She bounced inside, the more subdued Yoonmi following her in. Suho had no idea what was coming next. As for Yoonmi, her heart beat rapidly in her chest. 

She knew why they were there and she was so nervous about it. 

‘This wasn’t how this was supposed to go.’

That was what was ringing through Suho’s ears. The words repeated themselves over and over again, pounding themselves into his mind until there was no more room. This is all wrong, his thoughts screamed. His heart clenched. Suho stiffly moved aside, allowing the two girls further into his home.

They stepped over the threshold, and Suho felt as if he was going to choke on his guilt. It hung in the air, weighing him down like cement in an ocean. He had no breath in his lungs. Air fled from his chest and left him gasping. Why were they here? He wondered. Did they find out about what happened and were here to confront him? Suho didn’t think he was prepared for that. He could never be prepared for that.

“Suho ssi,” Eunmi began, her voice was soft. No more oppa, no more sunbae. Suho flinched at the sound of her voice. It cut through his skin like a knife. “Suho ssi,” she said again. This time she stepped forward, towards Suho and away from her sister. Yoonmi stared at the floor, and swallowed twice. Suho wondered if this was what she wanted. “I wanted to tell you this face to face.”

‘You’re a horrible human being,  You’re low, dirty, and miserable.  Who could ever love you?’ Suho’s mind told him; expecting all those words coming from her.

“I want to break up with you,” Eunmi said, her voice eerily cheerful. “Our relationship is truly a relationship is it? It’s more of a lie, and I don’t think it’s fair to either of us to continue.”

Suho hung his head. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. The words sounded hoarse and false even to him. Why should they accept his apology? Words couldn’t fix anything. All they would do was hang in the air, begging to be accepted. They could not fix what happened between him and Yoonmi or heal the damage he had selfishly inflicted on Eunmi. They were useless, but he said them anyway. “I’m so sorry.”

“I’m not angry,” she said. “In fact, I’m glad we’re breaking up. I think it’s for the best. It hurts when we risk our hearts and it ends up being broken. But what hurts even more is when we still hold on when we already know that we're waiting for nothing.”

Of course it was for the best. How would anything less than this be right? Suho knew Eunmi said she was not angry, but she must be. How could she not be angry at him, at all? He had treated her in an uncaring, unfeeling manner. She hadn’t been a person to him, just a means to an end. Anyone would be angry at that. Anyone should be furious.

“I’m sorry,” was what he said, because no other words could even begin to convey what he wanted to tell her. His heart rattled in his chest and reminded him how broken it really was. The shards of it pierced him.

“I know,” she said, smiling softly. “It’s okay, it’s really okay.”

That kind hearted girl reached out her hand. Suho stared at it for a moment, unsure of what to do with it. When he did not react, Eunmi reached out and took her hand in his. Her warm fingers seemed to be wrong. His hands were so cold and her’s were warm. It did not seem right that they touched. Yet Eunmi’s grip on him was tight.

“I’m breaking up with you because I love you and I love Yoonmi.” she shook her head. “And if I stayed in the way of you two, I would be acting selfishly. I am not a selfish person, even if I’ve been acting that way lately.”

The shards of Suho’s heart stabbed him a little bit deeper at that. He rapidly shook his head, trying to ignore the tears that stung his eyes. “No Eunmi,” he protested. “It’s not-”

“It’s exactly what I think,” she said, quietly cutting him off. Eunmi looked at her shoes, her free hand clenched at her side. Suho’s guilt increased realizing how hard this was, how hard he had made this for her. How screwed up was that? Suho felt horrible for giving her cause to break up with him. He wondered though, what had brought this on. He dared to glance over  Yoonmi. She had yet to look at him.

“I heard you,” Eunmi said. “I heard both of you that night at the house.”

Suho wanted to vanish into the floorboards.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry.”

She nodded. “I know. I heard you telling Yoonmi she was the one you truly loved. This entire time you were only going out with me to hurt her. That’s true isn’t it?”

‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry.’

Yet the words stuck in his throat.

“I also heard Yoonmi say she loved you too. The both of you were refusing to work out your differences because of me. Suho, I don’t thinking you were thinking of my happiness. You were only thinking about yourself and Yoonmi. I didn’t matter.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered hoarsely. “Eunmi...”

“Yoonmi was only thinking about my happiness. How am I supposed to be happy when my twin sister is hurting so much?” Eunmi sighed as if she could believe how stupid they were being. She smiled brightly, hurting Suho’s eyes.

“No Eunmi,” Suho said. The shock was beginning to fade and all he was left with was horror. “You - there’s something I need to tell you. None of this was was Yoonmi’s fault! All of this was mine. Please, please don’t blame her.”

Suho stopped, swallowing the hard lump in his throat. He felt nauseous. Yet he pushed ahead to try and atone for his sins. “I-I-I. I ask for your forgiveness. Eunmi. All of this was...a horrible mistake on my part.”

He was begging now. Suho was not used to begging, but it was all he had left. Tears stung his eyes as he pleaded.

“I wanted revenge on Yoonmi for breaking my heart. So-so I began to date you out of spite. It was horrible and I am so sorry. Forgive me Eunmi. I swear I’ll do better this time. I can improve; I can change- I…”

Suho stopped, breathless and on the edge of tears. He held onto Eunmi’s hand as if it was a lifeline. He had no other choice. The feel of her hand kept him grounded. Eunmi stared at him in shock.

"I would never hurt you, ever again." Suho eventually said.

"I don't think you can promise me that." Eunmi replied, calmly. Then she reached for Yoonmi’s hand. Suho’s heart pounded so hard in his chest he thought it would split his rib cage in two. He did not dare to breathe. Instead he watched as Eunmi smiled at Yoonmi. Eunmi was not angry, not anymore. She had already worked through her pain. Suho’s apology meant a lot to her, but this moment was not for her.

Over Suho’s shoulder, she saw his friend Jongin standing in the back of the room. Eunmi made eye contact with him, suddenly. His eyes were concentrated on her, seemingly trying to tell her something.

Eunmi could only smile because she guessed what Jongin’s message was.

Gently, she pushed their hands together and took a step back.

“I think you two are perfect for each other,” she said quietly. “And I don’t think I should stand in between the two of you.” She winked at Yoonmi. “Plus Yoonmi is still deeply in love with you. I don’t know when I am going to let go of this feeling towards you. But, I’m sure I will, one day. You see, I believe in hopeless love. Oh yes. I believe in it with all my heart, though you may discount the heart of an old nanny like me. For real love brings pain. Real love means sacrifices and hurts and all the thousand shocks of life. ”

Then, before Suho could protest or process this, Eunmi rushed forward and caught Jongin’s hands in her’s. She dragged him out the door and slammed it behind her. And Suho and Yoonmi were left alone.

Eunmi leaned against the back of Suho’s house. The rough planks were uncomfortable against her back, the ice on it making it doubly so. Yet she was here and she had nowhere else to go. So she sighed and shifted her legs. Jongin stood beside her. Honestly, she did not know what to make of that. She was unfamiliar with him. She hadn’t actually spoken to him since the day in the cafeteria when he had tried to ask her something.

Now they were sitting in the snow in silence.

Eunmi glanced down at her feet. She felt like Jongin was staring at, judging her. It made her a little angry. After all, why should he be angry with her? Wasn’t he more of a playboy? He had no leg to stand on in this. But Eunmi bit her tongue and shuffled awkwardly away.

As for Jongin, he could not take his eyes off of her.

He stared at her, unsure of what to make of this girl. He had no idea she was capable of doing such a thing. He always thought she was nothing but a spoiled girl who no capacity for caring about other people. After all, she must have been oblivious to miss Suho and Yoonmi’s relationship. Yet once it was brought to Eunmi’s attention….she handled it. She was graceful and matures about it. Jongin could not understand these two sides of Eunmi. It resulted in him staring at her in sheer amazement.

“I think you’re different,” he blurted out, the words flying out from his mouth before he could stop them. Eunmi looked over at him and raised an eyebrow.

“Different from what?” she asked.

Jongin committed himself without a thought. “From every girl I’ve ever dated.”

Eunmi laughed at his bluntness.

“Please don’t even start, Kim Jongin.”