It’s been 5 years.

5 years since she left. I thought I would be okay with it but it turns out I’m not. I loved her and I miss her so much that it hurts me every day.

Ja hye tried to help me forget her but I just couldn’t. She’s the only I loved her like this and I know I’ll never look at anyone like I did to her. Our night together was the most special night I ever had in my whole life and I just want to repeat it all over again.

I tried loving someone better, someone who would look past my exterior and see the real me, see the man I really am but no one ever did, they only saw the “cool guy”.

The thing is, I tried looking for her, looked everywhere, searched everywhere but nothing. I didn’t find her.  I gave up one time but it gave me hell just thinking about her. I was worried, I was going crazy, I needed to find her no matter what.

“You found anything?” Su Yeon, her aunt asks as she sits across me.

I became close to her aunt a day after I found out that she left this place. We teamed up looking for her, we talked about the places she could be and how the hell did she get some cash to even leave.

Su Yeon told me everything about her; she told me that she’s only living alone now because her foster parents died when she was only 15. She also told me how everyone in the neighbourhood, except for her and Nara would ignore her.  My heart fell when I heard her say about how Jessica closed everything around her because of how her parents died because of a stupid drunken driver.

“Has your investigators found any leads yet?” She asks again drinking the tea I ordered for her.

I shook my head. “I think I’ll have to go with them this time,”

“It’s been 5 years, Kris.” She starts. “And you’re only coming this one time? I thought you really loved her?”

“I do, that’s why I am here, Imo.” I snapped, getting angry. “I couldn’t go because I have school and you know that.”

“You finished school a year ago. You could’ve started coming with them after graduation or something.”

“Don’t get angry at me for not being able to come with my investigators, Imo. If it weren’t for them and me, you wouldn’t have any news about her.”

She glared at me. “Well, do we have any leads now?!”

“Calm down.” I ordered. “I’ll be leaving tomorrow.”

“Let me come with you,”

“No, what if she decided to come home? You need to be here if ever that happens.”

She glared at me once more and drunk her whole tea. After a few minutes of silence, we started talking about her again and we ended up arguing again because we couldn’t agree on something.

“Well, I need to go now. I have work.” She stood up, bowed slightly and walked away, not giving me a chance to say goodbye.

I stayed at the coffee shop for a little while before heading home. I knew I needed to pack for the trip tomorrow and I also have to inform them that I’ll be joining right now. I called the head and my most trusted friend, Ji Woo.

“Hey,” He greeted. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m coming with you guys tomorrow.”

“Sure,” He stopped for a few seconds before continuing. “Can I ask a favour from you?”

“What?”

“I know I still have to find this missing girl but can I at least visit my wife and daughter? I promised them I’ll be back after a month.”

“Sure, we’ll join you. Where is it?”

“Goyang.”

“Alright, we’ll go tomorrow.”

“Thanks,”

“No problem.”

Then the call was then. I tossed my phone on my bed and went to take a shower.  After doing so, I packed all the things needed for the trip and changed to my boxers and took my sleep immediately, not wanting to do anything anymore.

The clock was ticking as the students anticipate the end of the class, especially Kris, who was anticipating meeting Jessica because when he went to her house this morning, the doors were locked.

When the bells finally rang, he bolted out of the room and went to wait for at her locker but there was no sign of Jessica so he decided to go to the library and ask her friend, Nara.

“Hey,” He greeted. “Have you seen Jessica?”

“Hi!” She flirty greeted back. “I haven’t seen her today, maybe she’s sick?”

“Oh, thanks.” He then walked out, not trying to make any conversation anymore.

He stopped walking once he reached the house and saw the doors unlocked. He sighs happily and went in front of the door, knocked at the door and waited patiently for her to open it.

“Who are you?” A lady in her mid forties asked once she opens the door.

Kris’ eyes widened as he saw someone else other than Jessica. “Hello, is Jessica there?” He asked politely, thinking that she’s her mother.

“Who are you?” She asked again, glaring at him.

“I’m Kris, one of her friends.”

“Kris?” She repeated, trying to remember when she heard his name.

“Yes,” Kris nodded slowly. “Is she here? I really need to talk to her.”

“You’re Kris?!” She suddenly screamed, slapping his face.

His eyes widen as he took a step back, shocked. He stared at her confusingly, waiting for to say anything more.

“You’re the reason why she left! What do you want from her?!”

After a few minutes of taking in the information, he looked shocked. “She left?! Why? Why are you accusing me for something I didn’t do!?”

Su Yeon glared at him and tossed the letter Jessica left for her. She sat on the ground and waited for him to read the letter that broke her heart.

“Su Yeon unnie,

I know this might sound so crazy and stupid but I left.

I left not because of you, I left because I’m too fed up with lies that everyone is feeding me. I thought I could change my life, I thought I could have a new start with him, I thought… I thought he was different, I admit I was falling for him, especially when we were together for a week. But with what happened yesterday, I couldn’t handle it. I just had enough and I decided to leave.

I won’t tell you were I am because I know you’ll be looking for me. Please, if you are, don’t. I need this time for myself and I need to think of how I could change my life. I’m finally leaving the past behind me and I am ready to take care of my baby alone. I know you told me to say it to him but I just couldn’t. Without him knowing is what I know best and he could live his bachelor life, like he wanted.

All my love,

Jessica.”

He dropped the letter once he read the last sentence. He couldn’t believe that what they had that night could lead her pregnant. He knew it was his mistake but he also knew he loved it.

Even with worrying, he found himself smiling. He couldn’t believe he’s already a father. He was happy, he could marry Jessica even though it’s because of the baby she’s carrying but he doesn’t care, what matters to him now is to find her and tell her what he’s feeling.

But that didn’t stop him from hurting also, he was so happy finding about them having a child that he forgot Su Yeon crying on the ground. He helped her to stand up but she only tried pushing him away.

“Get out!”She screamed.

“Ajumoni!” Kris called out, “Please, let me help you!”

Su Yeon stopped and stood up. “Help me? You’re the reason why she left! Tell me one good reason why I should let you help me!”

“I love her, Ajumoni. I love her and I was about to talk to her about my feelings today but instead I found out she left.”

“You love her?” She asked.

“Yes and I will do anything in my power to bring her back.”

“You don’t even know her too much.”

“I know, but something pulled me to like her, there is something about her that told me to let me love her.”

She sighs, sat on the ground again and looked at him. “Then why did she left? What did you do?”

“I don’t know,” He shook his head and sat beside her. “If I knew what was wrong I would have apologized immediately but the truth is, I didn’t.”

“It’s okay, let’s just hope that she’s fine and safe.” She tapped his shoulder. “Please get her back.”

“I will, Ajumoni.”

“Call me Imo,”

He nodded his head and left to call his friend who’s good at finding someone missing.

“Good morning,” I heard Ja Hye greet, opening my door.

“Hey,”

“I heard you’re going with Ji Woo.”

“Yeah, I need to find her and my daughter.”

Ja Hye laughed at my words. “How can you be so sure that it’s a girl? What if it’s a boy?”

“You know my assumptions are always right.”

“Maybe you’re wrong too, don’t forget that.”

I sarcastically laughed and tossed my blanket a side and made my way to take a shower. Once I finished, I immediately changed to a shirt and jeans and went out of my house with Ja Hye and Yoseob following in tow.

I bid goodbye to the couple and got inside the car with Ji Woo and we both went to the train station where we’ll make our first stop. He went to get our tickets while I went to the waiting area.

“Your ticket,” Ji Woo said, smiling at me as he hands the ticket.

“Thanks,” I smiled back and looked at my ticket. “Hey, can I ask a question?”

“Sure,”

“How is it to be a dad?”

“Fun,”

“Fun?” I looked at him confusingly. “What do you mean by that?”

“I really love being a dad, I would go home tired and my daughter would be there waiting for me and we would play with her mother making dinner, those two girls are my energy pill.”

I smiled, thinking if I would be the same with Jessica and our daughter. “Is your daughter still a child?”

Ji Woo laughed. “No, she’s one year older than you and she has a daughter now. She got pregnant at 17 and left to live at Seoul.”

“Then why did you say you’ll go home to meet your wife and daughter?”

“Well, you see the daughter I’m talking about is the one who was looking for a job and at that time, we were looking for more workers. She was new in town and she had a baby so we took her in. We treated her like our second daughter and I love her and my granddaughter.”

“You mean, you took in a 17 year old girl who happens to be pregnant and were looking for a job?”

“Yes,”

“That’s kind of unusual.”

“I know but the kid is really helpful and kind, she’s also very pretty.”

“Does she have a boyfriend?”

“Oh, yes, yes she does.”

“Is he the father of your granddaughter?”

He shook his head but smiled. “No, but he treats her like she is and that’s enough for me and my wife to approve of him.”

“Does your daughter love him?”

“Oh, yes. When you look at those two, you’ll see the love in both their eyes.” He then rubs his arm. “When I look at them, it feels like I’m looking at the younger version of me and my wife.”

“They seem to be getting stronger,” I then smiled.

Hearing Ji Woo talk about his daughter and how she found true love inspired me, if I found Jessica and our daughter, I would never let her go. She’ll be mine and we could live like a happy family, just like Ji Woo.

“Let’s go?” Ji Woo suddenly said, standing up.

I nodded my head, smiling as I stand up and walk beside him.

*What inspired me to write this Chapter is the song "You'll never know" by Lawson. It's not korean but at least it's similar to what Kris is feeling in this chapter. :) Hope you guys like it!