Black,White and Pink

Title: 7/10

I don't understand why you use this as the title. You didn't explain it well - it was supposed to be done either in the description, foreword or the first chapter. But you just did everything in the last chapter. It wasn't that appealing either and you should've used the title which would catch a reader's attention, at the same time, being the header of the whole story. Also, after your comma, there is supposed to be a space first before writing the 'White'.

Description/Foreword: 10/20

For the description, it was quite well done. You chose the perfect sentences to describe the whle story :) However, your foreword, you weren't supposed to tell your readers the characters' personality. Characters' personality are supposed to be developed throughout the story. If you wrote it in the foreword, it proves everyone enough that you can't describe an object in details while writing the  story. 

Plot: 6/10

The plot is really cliché, I've seen a lot of this kind of plot in AFF. However, you gave some touches to it which made it a little different. I like it :)

Language*: 17/30

I'm sorry! But I think this is the highest I can give you :( You have a grammar mistakes occuring here and there and your capitalization are often wrong. I would say, most of the capitalizations are wrong. You aren't suppsoed to capitalize 'h' in 'he' (you wrote 'He') because if you do that, it refers to a certain someoone who is on the top (eg. God). Also, you capitalized the 'j' in 'jeans' (you wrote 'Jeans'). This is totally wrong because capitalization is really important. Please pay attention to more details like this :)

Another point is, you wrote the whole direct speeches wrongly - they are all supposed to be under inverted commas (" and "). What you did was, Onew: blablablabla. This isn't supposed to happen since direct speeches aren't done like this. In those direct speeches you also didn't capitalize the first letter in the sentence. 

Originality: 6/10

I can't give you more  since it's really cliché. I'm really sorry :(

Flow: 9/10

The flow is really well! You didn't rush it too much and I feel comfortable reading it. 

Characters development:  5/10

Nahh, I can't give too much :| You described your characters in your foreword, this is telling me that you can't develop a personal nicely. Sorry! :(

FINAL: 60/100

Reviewer's comment:

I'm really sorry, I think it's best for you to get someone to fix those mistakes. However, I suggest CandyXoxo to do the job ^^ Although she's busy and stuffs, I'll tell her to spare time to fix your fanfic. Thank you for requesting! I know you can do better than this>< Hwaiting!

-chanteks

*Language refers to punctutaion, paragraphing, grammar, etc.