I just got home, but before I go to sleep, I went to Soojung’s house. Of course I’m very welcomed to enter their house even without knocking. As long as there’s people inside. The lights on, so it means their inside. When I entered the house, my heart shattered into pieces. I saw Soojung kissing a guy in his lips.

I was dumbfounded on my place when she turned and saw me. I saw how her face turned red. “Taemin! What are you doing here?” she asked me while looking to me and to the guy she’s kissing earlier. “Well.. uhmm.. I just wanted to say.. I did a great job earlier in the school.” I said controlling myself not to cry and freak out. “Uhh.. that’s great! I’m proud of you. Well, uhh, Taemin, I want you to meet Jongin, my boyfriend. Jongin, he’s Taemin, my best friend. The one I’m always telling you.” Soojung said smiling to Jongin then to me. “It’s nice to meet you Taemin. Finally, after three years, I get to know you.” Jongin said lending his hand to mine. “Yeah, me too. Nice to meet you Jongin. Please take care of Soojung.” I said still controlling my emotion. “Well, I have to go. I need to rest now. I need to get up tomorrow early. See you! And nice to meet you again.” After saying that, I scurried out of the house. When I entered my room, tears burst out of my eyes.

My heart is like going to explode from anger, sadness, loneliness, betrayal, and all the negative emotions. I can’t control my cry. The girl I loved since childhood, and the reason why I went back to Korea and rejected every offer I’ve got in America, cannot be mine forever. And that’s why I can’t stop crying. I felt my knees trembling. Before I got to my bed, I fell to the floor. I feel so weak from top to bottom. I don’t know what I’m going to feel.

After an hour of staring blankly out of nowhere, I finally made up my mind. I will not leave Korea, and I will still be Soojung’s best friend. But things between our relationships will change, from now on; Soojung will not see me as caring as before. Because she hide the fact about her boyfriend which gave me the feeling of betrayal. I am not going to cry again. She’ll stay as my best friend. But, I will forget about my feelings for her. So God, please help me.

I was about to sleep when I heard a knock from my door. “Who is it?” I asked feeling lazy to get up. “Taemin? It’s your mom. Can I enter your room?” my mom asked. When I heard her voice, I felt a pang in my heart which gives me the feeling that I was about to cry. Aside from Soojung, my mom is one of the greatest person that I can rely on. She never left my side during hardships. So when I was in America, I couldn’t help but to cry when I realized that my mom is not with us.

“Sure mom.” I answered. When she opened the door, I saw her smiling that makes me jump from my bed and run to her. I hugged her like those days when I was a kid. I just realized that I’m not that sweet to mom since I came back from America.

She’s not expecting my sudden hug. “What’s wrong honey?” she asked hugging me back. “Nothing. I just missed your hug.” I explained. I heard her giggle like a teenager. “Oh! My big boy is still a child at heart.” She said looking at my face. “You’ve grown up a lot which I didn’t expect. You’re very handsome, at the same time very smart. But you know what, I really missed you a lot baby boy.” She said caressing my face.

Tears welled from my eyes as expected. But I controlled it so mom shouldn’t have to worry. “Soojung called me earlier. She said that you’re frustrated. Why?” she said looking at me with concerned eyes. I gave an insincere laugh, “On what reason do I have to be frustrated? What did Cindy told you? It’s not tr-” then I cried.

As expected, mom caressed my head while I silently cried on her lap just like the old times, everytime my clumsiness takes place. She just sat in my bed, and let me cry and cry until my eyes swell from my tears. “Now tell me, what’s bothering you?” she asked me intently.

“Mom, have you ever fallen in love then one day, you found out that the person you love loves someone else?” I asked. “Well, yes. Let me tell you, when I was in college, I fell in love with your dad. But then, I found out that he has a girlfriend. My world turned upside down that day when he introduced me to his girlfriend. All I thought that day is to forget my feelings for your dad. But then, in just a matter of time, your dad fell in love with me, not because of my charm, but because I am me. I did not obey my promise to myself that I’ll forget about my feelings for him. But instead, I proved to him the loss he’ll get if he doesn’t choose me. And that’s it. After 5 years, we got married, and you came out of the world.” She narrates.

“So that means, whatever happens, you just have to continue loving a person even if it breaks your heart?” I asked. “No. It means you just have to follow your heart. It means, you have to listen to what your heart is saying. You’ll understand everything I’m telling you when you listen to the beat of your heart. And one thing, you’ll just feel the Zing when you realized that you followed your heart. And guess what, that Zing thing is the most wonderful feeling you’ll ever feel when you felt it.” She explained smiling. “You better rest now Taemin. You don’t want your beautiful face to be haggard tomorrow right? Cheer up now, and sleep tight.” She said while caressing my head. She really is the most wonderful mom. I’m not a mama’s boy, but I can tell you that your mom’s embraces are the loveliest treasure you’ll have.

I’m all alone again in the room. I was thinking of mom’s words before she left my room. I just need to listen to my heart? How can I listen to this stupid thing if all I think of is Jongin holding Soojung’s hands, Jongin is kissing her lips, and hugging her. Aaarrggghhh!!! This is torture!

What do I do? I don’t know. Until I fall asleep. But even in my dreams, I am thinking of my unconditional feelings for Soojung. Her face keeps on flashing in my dreams, her sweet voice, and her smiles. She used her cutest pout when suddenly I woke up.

Now I realized what my heart is saying. It said, “Don’t stop. You love her then you should be there for her.” Yes, that’s what I’m going to do. I’ll forever love her, even without an exchange, I will be there for her. Because she’s my best friend.