Byul

At 14 weeks along, I couldn't practice in the studios that often. I didn't have to hide anymore, even my students knew. I saw the fake happiness in their eyes, it told me that they all were the same in their hearts. Nara's eyes told me something else. Jealousy. I didn't know why of course but I acted as if nothing happened, as if I didn't see the fake happiness or jealousy. My last lesson with them was a practice for the upcoming show. And every knew of my pregnancy now, althoug my explanation was terrible. It was a moment that I had been trying to avoid, and my mother had invited me to bring my new 'boyfriend' for lunch at her house. But I didn't have a new boyfriend. Looking at all the men in my life, there was only Kyuhyun.

"So I want you to act as my boyfriend for a day."

"Umm, OK..."

"Just for the day. To convince my mother."

So he actually went with me. My mother was convinced, strangely, she obviously doesn't read celebrity news.

"Aigooo! Such a handsome boy!" Exclaimed mum, touching Kyuhyun's shoulder. She lead us into the dining room, and she naturally believed the baby was his.

"But you decided to have children so early!" She said, as we ate our dinner.

She stared at my protuding stomach, "How many months along are you again, sweetie?"

"Err, about-"

"4 months." Kyuhyun said, carrying on my sentence, like couples do. Mum beamed. Kyuhyun winked at me with his big dark eyes.

As we were leaving, Kyuhyun put his arm around me, "I'll drive back." I said as soon as we went out the door.

"If you want to play a couple then you have to play the whole way through, don't you?" He pulled open the passenger seat door for me.

"Oh . I just remembered, the guys are bringing over some juniors to the dorms. There will be loads of drink and they'll be drunk all over the place. So do you mind if I stayed at yours for a bit?"

"Oh, of course."

"Thanks." He said simply, "Wow, that stomach of yours is really growing." 

"I know, week by week."

The rain was pitter-pattering on the window; it was silent enough to ignore. He was humming under his breath, a small melody.

When we arrived at my flat, he still guided me, with his arm around my shoulder. Swiftly, he and I walked through the corridor, into the door and onto my sofa. I leant on his chest, gently. He my hair, and softly kissed my lips.

"I'm sorry." He said, giving a soft smile.

"Don't be." He held me tighter, and I wished we could stay in in that moment forever.

"Nara's just found out pregnant." He suddenly said, it sounded forced.

"What?"

"She just found out a couple of days ago." I suddenly understood. Why I saw jealousy in her. I understood why he was telling me, to say he can't be with me for that long. Why did I feel like crying? Because I had been with him for over a month, and it was like having Hanmin disappear all over again.

"I understand. Leave." I said, pulling away. 

"I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean that-"

"Now. Go." I shut my eyes, trying to push out the rest of the world. He grabbed his coat and left. I guess he wanted Nara, to be with her, to take care of her. I didn't have anything, and I spent my 4th fifth month of pregnancy shutting myself away.

I looked in my mirror one day. My eyes had dark circles, the veins on my hands stood out, and my skin deathly pale.

I needed someone.