harmful temptation by charlislekim
VᴇʀꜱᴀEᴍᴇʀɢᴇ ʀᴇᴠɪᴇᴡ ꜱʜᴏᴘ。 — busy!
harmful temptation by charlislekim
title [5/5]
I like the title and it relates to the story immediately. When looking at the description, when Jimin talks about his two rules, it shows that Seulgi is hesitant. I think the temptation to want something more can be harmful, hence the title. I think it's a fairly eye-catching title as well.
description/foreword [9/10]
The description is pretty straightforward and shows that neither of them want love or something serious, which they both have their reasons for. The mention of lust, of course, means that they want a more 'no strings attached' type of thing. The description is short and fine as is.
For the foreword, there's nothing wrong with it either. It's a bit of insight to how their relationship, if you can even call it that, will go and how the 'deal' starts, so really, you presented your story well and it's fairly appealing. So no complaints here. Plus, while reading the story, I noticed that the foreword/descrip. is in the story itself, so it's like a little preview/insight to the story which is clever.
plot [45/50]
When I first started reading, I was a little unsure what the plot was going to be and where a story like this could be headed. The description/foreword really did make it sound like it was going to be and alone, which -- turns out -- to be a little misleading since there are some "feelings" (using that word loosely) involved in terms of what is going on between characters. In other words, there's a lot more than meets the eye.
There were times where I questioned what the purpose of things were, such as Belle and Josh, but after a few chapters, I felt like I could see what the plot was. Learning about Jimin a little more also helped, but I still question what the point is of Seulgi and Jimin being 'buddies' is. From the start, it seemed like there was more than just a 'no strings attached' kind of thing. It seems to have a little more to it then just buddies, and I mean, they don't seemingly that often (from where I've read up to). I can kind of see where this aspect fits in though. There are a lot of stories (not exactly like this) that have this kind of theme where the boy is cold, doesn't want romance, and such but is hiding a lot of their past and is closed off. I guess this seemed like a somewhat unique(?) take on it.
Moving on, looking past the aspect of it, I think the story is pretty decent in terms of the plot. Jimin's character and the mysterious aura around him can bring a lot to the story and, so far, it has. I think Seulgi's curiosity towards him can bring things too. Irene and Taehyung had a lot of mystery around them too. I like how this story isn't just about or them being supposedly buddies, but there's a lot to it. With friendships, relationships, stuff like that. I think you have a good story overall. While it wasn't fully my cup of tea, I will admit I enjoyed what I read.
writing style/flow [14/20]
For the most part, the writing style is fine, I don't see anything wrong with it and it sounds pretty good. But, there are times where it sounds awkward, mainly due to a spelling error or usage error. Like when Seulgi says "Take off your cloth", in this context it wouldn't be 'cloth', it'd be 'clothes'. So, "Take off your clothes."
Another thing, I only saw this happen once but it was strange. In chapter 3, you said:
"Don't." I instructed simply.
That would have been fine if the whole story wasn't in the third point of view. So you switched from third to first, out of the blue, and that's a bit of a no-no. You wouldn't switch from third to first or first to third in any circumstance. You stick to one and, in this case, it would be third. Maybe you just missed it/didn't realize it but that's something I noticed.
So, in other words, it'd be: "Don't." Seulgi instructed simply.
Something else I noticed, and I'm not sure if it's actually like this or if it's because I'm using the old aff to read this, but it seems like you say the word 'signed' instead of 'sighed'. So, if that's the case, signing is much different than sighing so I would take a look at that.
Other than that, there's not much complaint in terms of writing style and grammar, everything else was fine.
Looking at the flow, I thought it was decent. I wasn't confused reading the story so that's a plus, though--of course, I didn't read the whole thing. I read as much as I could though. Overall, I think the flow you set for the story works out.
characterization [8/10]
Out of all of the characters, I think I like Jimin the most. The way you made him so closed off, but when he was drunk he was vulnerable, can show how much he is suffering while trying to hide it and pretend he doesn't care. I do think he shows some affection towards Seulgi in the chapters I read, and Seulgi, of course, does take notice hence her rule of nothing to give false hope. I think Jimin was just afraid to be in another relationship with commitment and he hid behind a persona. I think Jimin's a really good character.
Seulgi, she's fairly decent. But I don't know if I agree with the description where it says "she doesn't have time for love" because the story lowkey shows the opposite. The way she acts at times doesn't really resemble someone who 'doesn't have time for love', I think it's more of 'doesn't want to love' because she seems to HAVE time for it, she just doesn't WANT it. Overall, she's an okay character, I'd say. A little nosey, but it's all good.
I truthfully didn't get the purpose of Belle and Josh, though, and why their names are so outlandish. Are they foreginers or Korean? The names don't sound Korean, well--they aren't, so I just found it odd to give them those names in specific (but they don't show up past the first or second chapter anyways, I was mainly just curious about name choice.)
I'm not gonna say much about Irene and Taehyung, as I mentioned above, I didn't read every chapter and while I did see some of them, I don't want to delve into them too much as they technically are a side pairing. But, I can tell there's a story for them too. They seem to have history, as Irene told Seulgi, so it's nice to see different characters within a story.
personal enjoyment [3/5]
I'm not a personal fan of shipping BTSxRV, in fact that's probably one of the things I have a distaste for, so on that aspect, I wasn't completely into it. But, the story overall isn't bad. I feel like the story is pretty good as is and you executed it decently. I didn't pay much attention to the aspects of it but the story around the characters, like Jimin, was interesting. Although it wasn't my cup of tea, like I said before, I enjoyed the story itself honestly. I honestly had to remind myself I was doing a review, haha.
total of [84/100]
others: sorry I was late with this, I will 100% admit I was lazy and pushed it off three days in a row. My bad--you had a good story though so sorry oof. Don't forget to credit the review shop! If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask!
I like the title and it relates to the story immediately. When looking at the description, when Jimin talks about his two rules, it shows that Seulgi is hesitant. I think the temptation to want something more can be harmful, hence the title. I think it's a fairly eye-catching title as well.
description/foreword [9/10]
The description is pretty straightforward and shows that neither of them want love or something serious, which they both have their reasons for. The mention of lust, of course, means that they want a more 'no strings attached' type of thing. The description is short and fine as is.
For the foreword, there's nothing wrong with it either. It's a bit of insight to how their relationship, if you can even call it that, will go and how the 'deal' starts, so really, you presented your story well and it's fairly appealing. So no complaints here. Plus, while reading the story, I noticed that the foreword/descrip. is in the story itself, so it's like a little preview/insight to the story which is clever.
plot [45/50]
When I first started reading, I was a little unsure what the plot was going to be and where a story like this could be headed. The description/foreword really did make it sound like it was going to be and alone, which -- turns out -- to be a little misleading since there are some "feelings" (using that word loosely) involved in terms of what is going on between characters. In other words, there's a lot more than meets the eye.
There were times where I questioned what the purpose of things were, such as Belle and Josh, but after a few chapters, I felt like I could see what the plot was. Learning about Jimin a little more also helped, but I still question what the point is of Seulgi and Jimin being 'buddies' is. From the start, it seemed like there was more than just a 'no strings attached' kind of thing. It seems to have a little more to it then just buddies, and I mean, they don't seemingly that often (from where I've read up to). I can kind of see where this aspect fits in though. There are a lot of stories (not exactly like this) that have this kind of theme where the boy is cold, doesn't want romance, and such but is hiding a lot of their past and is closed off. I guess this seemed like a somewhat unique(?) take on it.
Moving on, looking past the aspect of it, I think the story is pretty decent in terms of the plot. Jimin's character and the mysterious aura around him can bring a lot to the story and, so far, it has. I think Seulgi's curiosity towards him can bring things too. Irene and Taehyung had a lot of mystery around them too. I like how this story isn't just about or them being supposedly buddies, but there's a lot to it. With friendships, relationships, stuff like that. I think you have a good story overall. While it wasn't fully my cup of tea, I will admit I enjoyed what I read.
writing style/flow [14/20]
For the most part, the writing style is fine, I don't see anything wrong with it and it sounds pretty good. But, there are times where it sounds awkward, mainly due to a spelling error or usage error. Like when Seulgi says "Take off your cloth", in this context it wouldn't be 'cloth', it'd be 'clothes'. So, "Take off your clothes."
Another thing, I only saw this happen once but it was strange. In chapter 3, you said:
"Don't." I instructed simply.
That would have been fine if the whole story wasn't in the third point of view. So you switched from third to first, out of the blue, and that's a bit of a no-no. You wouldn't switch from third to first or first to third in any circumstance. You stick to one and, in this case, it would be third. Maybe you just missed it/didn't realize it but that's something I noticed.
So, in other words, it'd be: "Don't." Seulgi instructed simply.
Something else I noticed, and I'm not sure if it's actually like this or if it's because I'm using the old aff to read this, but it seems like you say the word 'signed' instead of 'sighed'. So, if that's the case, signing is much different than sighing so I would take a look at that.
Other than that, there's not much complaint in terms of writing style and grammar, everything else was fine.
Looking at the flow, I thought it was decent. I wasn't confused reading the story so that's a plus, though--of course, I didn't read the whole thing. I read as much as I could though. Overall, I think the flow you set for the story works out.
characterization [8/10]
Out of all of the characters, I think I like Jimin the most. The way you made him so closed off, but when he was drunk he was vulnerable, can show how much he is suffering while trying to hide it and pretend he doesn't care. I do think he shows some affection towards Seulgi in the chapters I read, and Seulgi, of course, does take notice hence her rule of nothing to give false hope. I think Jimin was just afraid to be in another relationship with commitment and he hid behind a persona. I think Jimin's a really good character.
Seulgi, she's fairly decent. But I don't know if I agree with the description where it says "she doesn't have time for love" because the story lowkey shows the opposite. The way she acts at times doesn't really resemble someone who 'doesn't have time for love', I think it's more of 'doesn't want to love' because she seems to HAVE time for it, she just doesn't WANT it. Overall, she's an okay character, I'd say. A little nosey, but it's all good.
I truthfully didn't get the purpose of Belle and Josh, though, and why their names are so outlandish. Are they foreginers or Korean? The names don't sound Korean, well--they aren't, so I just found it odd to give them those names in specific (but they don't show up past the first or second chapter anyways, I was mainly just curious about name choice.)
I'm not gonna say much about Irene and Taehyung, as I mentioned above, I didn't read every chapter and while I did see some of them, I don't want to delve into them too much as they technically are a side pairing. But, I can tell there's a story for them too. They seem to have history, as Irene told Seulgi, so it's nice to see different characters within a story.
personal enjoyment [3/5]
I'm not a personal fan of shipping BTSxRV, in fact that's probably one of the things I have a distaste for, so on that aspect, I wasn't completely into it. But, the story overall isn't bad. I feel like the story is pretty good as is and you executed it decently. I didn't pay much attention to the aspects of it but the story around the characters, like Jimin, was interesting. Although it wasn't my cup of tea, like I said before, I enjoyed the story itself honestly. I honestly had to remind myself I was doing a review, haha.
total of [84/100]
others: sorry I was late with this, I will 100% admit I was lazy and pushed it off three days in a row. My bad--you had a good story though so sorry oof. Don't forget to credit the review shop! If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask!
With school starting back up again soon, I probably won't be doing many reviews, if at all. We'll see about it though. Thank you for everyone who has requested so far and over the years, I've really learned a lot from reviewing stories and shiz. ♥
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