Is it too much of clingy daughter to say the I prefer my mother’s mandu at all times? Because that’s what I do and Chanyeol used to make fun of me all the time because of it… but this time it was different. Even though I honestly insist on the fact that hers is better, this one tasted a little like freedom. Yes, I’m using a metaphor, but I just feel so proud of me, standing here, having breakfast alone, without thinking of him.

Crap. I was thinking about him. Take a deep breath, woman.

I went to open the door for Joonmyeon, and there he was, half dried hair, and a big smile. ‘Ready?’, he asked without losing his expression. I shook my head. ‘I’m still stuck with the mandu. I think you bought too much’, I told him, a little embarrassed. He chuckled and shook his head. ‘Why are you eating the whole bag? I brought it for you to have some more when you feel hungry later’, he laughed. That was embarrassing.

- Come on – He said – Did you make a list?

A list. When did I become such a careless person? A list! Come on, I used to do that every single time Chanyeol would have to go grocery shopping, so we would end up with what we actually wanted and not a bunch of crap.

- Did you? – He repeated, and I shook my head – Nevermind. I supposed you hadn’t. Where’s your head? – He laughed, ruffling my hair

- I’m sorry. I guess I’m still tired.

- I guess you are – He said nodding – Let’s go! We’ll play it by ear!

I smiled at him and went to put on my shoes to go out. He actually new quite good places to buy fruits and vegetables, and then we went to a supermarket, to get groceries and anything I could be needing. When we finished, he offered to treat me to lunch. ‘Forget it’, I told him, and he dropped the bags he had been holding for me. ‘I told you not to reject me!, he smiled. I ruffled his hair now and added ‘I’m treating you. I want to have bulgogi’. We ended up having a quite good bulgogi for a reasonable price.

- So – Joonmyeon began while grabbing some meat – What do you do?

I lowered my head and sighed. With all the moving and Chanyeol becoming her boyfriend, I had forgotten about the university.

- I should be studying - I said, and he lifted his eyebrows, tilting his head – I really don’t want to talk about it.

Joonmyeon grabbed his chopsticks and pointed me with them.

- You flunked! – He chuckled

- It doesn’t have anything to do with that. I was actually doing pretty well. I dropped the last semester so now that I came back, I should wait for the semester I should be in – He nodded slowly, opening his mouth.

-  I think I won’t ask why - he smiled gently

My phone started ringing. Needless to say, I knew who it was. ‘Is he calling again? Pick it up!’ smiled Joonmyeon. ‘This is not a date, so feel free to talk to him’. I nodded and smiled to him, a little bit trying to apologize for not being able to reject Chanyeol.

- Park Byul! – Where are you? – Asked he in a happy tone

- I’m outside, Chanyeol – I answered quietly.

- I came for a visit because Hana went shopping. We need to talk

Evidently pissed off, I asked ‘What in the world do we need to talk about now?’

- We need to talk about us.

- We don’t need to talk about us. Please leave me alone.

I hung up the phone, and instead of wanting to cry like the days before, I honestly wanted to smash his head against a wall. How come all he can ever talk about is her? Weren’t we friends? He knew that I loved him, he even told me to stay with him, made me realize how much I wanted to be his forever, and now I come and they are about to use industrial glue to live stuck to each other? How can’t I be mad?

Joonmyeon shrugged and said ‘I thought you guys were finally going to get together. Yesterday I really didn’t think you two were only friends before’. That was it. Now he has a say on my own personal soap opera? I met him yesterday, for crying out loud! ‘You know what? You have no idea what’s going on. I appreciate your help with the things at home and all this, but I just met you yesterday. Who do you think you are?’, I exploded. Joonmyeon lifted his eyebrows and scoffed.

- Why are you so mean all of the sudden? You know I was just trying to be nice.

- I’m fed up with this. Al I want is to have a little peace without this tyring to into my life . And then you come here and pretend we are best friends… you are nothing but a weird as creepy guy.

I stood up, while all Joonmyeon could do was to give me a puzzled look. ‘Thank you for that. You really know how to treat nice people’, he said without losing his calm. I grabbed my bags and muttered ‘Thank you for this’.

I went out and started walking without a place to go. As the time went by, I could begin to grasp how much of an I had behaved with Joonmyeon. But then I went back to being completely furious about Chanyeol. Why do I care about him so much?

Of course, because I got here not so long ago (not long ago at all), and all I came for was to get him back. But there he was with her. Why do I care so much? All he does is to talk about her, it looks like I came into a parallel world, where I never happened, or if I our weekend was erased from his mind like in that movie, what was the name?

The eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.

Aren’t you watching too much tv, Park Byul?

I spent two days at home. I didn’t see my neighbor though I did hear his voice on the phone while opening his door (who’s the sociopath now?) I counted the days I’ve been here. Eleven. In eleven days, I moved out to be away from him, met a new friend and screwed up the friendship the next day, lock myself in my place because, funny enough, I’m too coward to go and say I’m sorry. But I have to.

He was good to me, he didn’t ask much, he only tried to help me, and all I did was to turn into this kind of Godzilla and yell at him. He was just being nice, as usual. Why is he so nice to me? No, that’s not the point. I should go and apologize. But how?

I rehearsed sentences and phrases in my mind, while walking the tiny distance from my place to his. I knocked the door. ‘Hello’, I said, clearly uncomfortable. ‘Hello’, he said, turning his head to take a look inside his place.

- Joonmyeon – I began, feeling suddenly anxious – I think I owe you an apology

- It’s alright – He smiled warmly. I felt something in my heart. Weird – I’m kinda busy now – He said, looking inside again. He was with a girl. Of course!

- Are you… - I began, to clear it up, for me.

- With someone, yes. I accept your apology, please go home now. Thank you, Byul.

After saying this, he closed the door in front of my face. He was not the kind neighbor I met the first day I got here. But I will risk sounding over dramatic when I say that I made it happen.

I woke up in the middle of the night. Somebody (or something, I didn’t know at that point, I was so sleepy that I could easily picture a huge monster at the other side of the door, waiting to eat my insides. I might remember how much TV I’ve been watching next time), and I went to look through the peephole. There, I saw a rather shaky Chanyeol, and immediately opened the door. As soon as I did it, he began weeping.

- What are you doing here? – I asked him after a while, handing him a cup of coffee, and covering him with a blanket.

- I’m a little drunk – He smiled forcefully, and sighed. That was a major soju take in.

- I can smell that – I told him, sitting next to him on the couch.

- Can I spend the night here? – He asked, trying his hardest to give me his puppy eyes: Drunk edition.

- Go home, Chanyeol.

- I can’t. Can I spend the night here? – He repeated, hiccupping a little.

I looked at him and I couldn’t deny that to him. He was clearly wasted, and asking him to leave would endanger his life. Calling Hana was also a stupid thing to do: she’d go crazy and try to kill me for having her beloved prick home.

- Fine – I told him, sighing loudly – Why did you come here?

Chanyeol smiled and caressed my face.

- Because you still love me. – He said bluntly

- I don’t – I hurried to say

- You do – chuckled Chanyeol, and I began to think that staying next to him the way I was, was going to get me drunk in no time – That’s why you came back. I wrote that piece of paper for you and left it in your bag. That’s why you are here – He finished softly

- I didn’t find anything –I told him, shaking my head – I already told you the other day

- You’ve never been a good liar, Ferret smell. You found it.

- That’s not why I’m here, Chanyeol.

He smiled and patted my nose. ‘You’re still lying. I can read you like a book’, he said. ‘I’m not lying’, I said. Chanyeol came close to me, and closed the gap between us with a kiss. A kiss that took me to that weekend, to the times we could feel how much love there was between us. A kiss that, almost like the last time, finished in my bed.

‘Then, why did you return the kiss?’, asked Chanyeol while caressing my back. ‘I don’t want to talk about it’, I said, turning to look at him. ‘I do’, he said. ‘But I’m too drunk. Goodnight, Byul’, he said, pecking my lips.

I knew that what had happened was wrong, and next morning, there was a piece of paper to make me take it in even more. ‘I love you, Byul. Please forgive me’.

That’s it.

You were doing great.

Till there was him.