I guess I wasn’t thinking straight when I decided to run away from both of them. Taking the chance offered by the doctor I work with at the clinic was a good thing to do, anyway. It has helped me to keep my mind out of them.

Even though all I want is to sit and solve the humongous amount of trouble revolving around my head.

No time, they said, no time. I barely have time every morning when I wake up to have a decent breakfast and then I have to run to the community center to teach little children about how o be responsible owners. It’s a fun thing to do though: I get to see so many cute children that I make sure I laugh every single day, more than twice at least.

I’ve been in Jeju for two weeks now.

And every single time I go to the beach for a walk after the workshops I think of him.

And I think of him too, when I look at couples taking pictures.

It’s funny how I ended up here, escaping one more time. I know I was having what I had been waiting for since a long time, but then I got cold feet. It’s just everything changed when I met Joonmyeon.

Things with Chanyeol were very strange from the first minute we found out things were not going to be the same any longer. He had been my friend for a long time and after that he sort of made me see that my feelings for him were more than just that simple friendship we were sharing for such a period of time. But then, having in mind what happened after that weekend, we went back to be together, having to go through a lot. He was with someone else and that broke my heart, well, I don’t think I need to go over the story again. What matters is the way he is when he’s with me, the way I feel when we’re together. Chanyeol is sweet, like a little child who is overly in love with you. He’s energetic and caring, and I can see how happy he feels around me, but he’s been acting weird lately, as if he was worried about something. Who am I kidding, he already told me he was concerned about whether or not I would leave him.

The thing about Chanyeol is, even though I don’t want to admit it, is that I don’t feel safe around him. It’s like we were surrounded by more bad things waiting to happen, as if I was living on a permanent state of awareness, to see if something else is left to happen to us. No matter what, I feel it’s not over yet.

But I love him.

It is love, I’m sure about that. Why would I hesitate, if, after all, I came back just to get him?

(Wasn’t that stupid, in the first place, leaving your own country for someone else? Too late now, I guess)

But Kim Joonmyeon, Kim Joonmyeon came into my life in such a kind, gentle manner, making me forget about what I was going through. He brought happiness to my life little by little, with his smile, his outlook on life. He began our friendship by just helping me to have a better life, and then waited patiently until I could feel I had fallen for him. But now that I think about it, I believe that I fell for him almost immediately. I felt safe with him the minute he entered my house to leave the boxes the day after we  met. That’s the way it is with him, I think: he’s absolutely concerned and caring,, and there’s no way in the world I can ever thing he never thought about me and my own happiness. I felt safe, I felt loved. Joonmyeon is the kind of man you want to have next to you.

I felt loved.

And I did think I was in love with him too.

But I think one can’t be in love with two people at the same time, can I?

It’s different. It’s a different kind of love.

Anyway I said I don’t have time for this. But today is my day off. Not that being here in Jeju for two weeks is a bad thing though, I get free food and free living expenses, plus a salary and thus some cash to burn here at this beautiful place.

But I’m starting to feel alone.

I didn’t even want to bring my phone, so I’m completely isolated from Seoul.

‘Here’s your coffee’, a barista told me while I sat down at the hotel cafeteria and was about to take the menu to order. I looked up to her and smiled; ‘I think you got the wrong table’, I told her, but she shook her head, lifting both eyebrows. ‘Mr. Kim sent you this, and asks you to wait for him for a while’. I looked at her again, confused, but then I began thinking that my boss, Mr Kim was here to see me teaching during the last days.

I began my drink and grabbed a magazine, until I heard ‘I guess you still like having an early morning smoothie’. I lifted my eyes from the magazine, and immediately smiled. ‘Joonmyeon’.