‘All I want is to make your life easier’.

I woke up with rays of light resting over my eyes. Chanyeol had left a note which read that he had gone out to buy some groceries for brunch. I closed my eyes again. ‘All I want is to make your life easier’. His voice kept playing in my head like a scratched record.

He had made my life easier in so many ways, but why do I dream of him? I grabbed my phone, which I hadn’t touched since the day before we left to Macau: since I had been living with Chanyeol, I hadn’t had the need to use it, since we have been pretty much spending time sticking to each other’s back.

One unread message. My heart bumped.

Open.

Kim Joonmyeon. ‘I still want to make your life easier. Are you smiling now? – Kim Joonmyeon’.

I left my phone on one side of the bed and smiled to myself, thinking about the coincidence of me having dreamt about him and having woken up with that same sentence in my head. I grabbed the phone again, ‘I am now’, I sent. And immediately after sending I began thinking: did that hint that I was talking about him? Or could he have possibly understood that I was telling him that now I’m happy, and that I wasn’t happy before? Or maybe, could he have understood that I was just saying he had made me smile just now?

Ah, come on, Park Byul! Why are you thinking about it so much?

‘Hello, this is Kim Joonmyeon. I can’t answer at the moment, please leave a message after the beep’. I stuttered his name pathetically, now it was too late to hang up, the message had probably been already recorded. ‘Joon-Joonmyeon, how have you been?’, I took more air, certain about me sounding like a total asthmatic goof, ‘I’m… I’m sorry for calling and sounding like a… sociopath. Thank you for your message’. I hung up, and sighed. Why did I just act like a teenager?

‘I brought mandu!’, yelled Chanyeol. If I didn’t want to write that book, this should be a good moment to change my mind. What kind of coincidence is this? I went to the kitchen, but there was no mandu.

- Where’s the food? – I asked him, lifting my hands to lower his head to kiss him hello.

- What food? – Asked he, grinning playfully

I gasped. ‘You said you had brought mandu’, I told him while ruffling his head. Was this one of his jokes? He shrugged, without changing his smile. ‘Did I?’, he asked softly. I smiled and tilted my head. I now was sure that he had something in mind. ‘Chanyeol, what are you plotting?’, I asked him, losing myself with the smell of his perfume.

- Nothing – He said quickly.

- Nothing? – I repeated, lifting one eyebrow.

Chanyeol sighed and patted my head. ‘You have gone smarter, ferret smell’, he said seriously.

‘How so?’, I asked him chuckling. Chanyeol gasped and went to the other side of the counter and squatted to grab a basket. ‘We are going to eat outside’, he said, smiling brightly, one eye half closed: the smile I had fell in love with. I opened my mouth and took air as to speak, but before that I looked trough the window: it was pouring! I lifted my eyebrows, signaling outside. He just chuckled, shaking his head. ‘Let’s go’, he said simply, grabbing the basket and my hand on his, taking me to the hall to change out shoes.

Inside the elevator, he pressed the button to the highest floor. I turned my head to look at him: ‘Outside’, I repeated, and he nodded, ‘I said outside, but I didn’t say where’, he said confidently, fixing his eyes on the led screen, which kept showing numbers as we were going up.  ‘Where are you taking me?’, I asked him.  He chuckled some more. ‘Up’.

Up.

He had set a tent and a tiny bonfire to keep s warm. He had even placed a roof to keep the bonfire from putting off with the drizzle. He had put a tent on a 30 floor building. I can’t explain the view.

- What's this? – I asked while he made his way towards the tent.

- I figured breakfast in bed was more of a boring thing to do if done every day. – He said happily, opening the tent for us to get inside

- Ok...? – I said, still a little bit puzzled with all that preparation. Chanyeol kept talking while I sat down in front of him, covering my legs with a blanket: ’But I really like having breakfast in bed with you because you are all fluffy and squishy and adorable so I can have two of my favorite things first time in the morning.’, he said quickly. I smiled, still lost.

- I don't see how this came into the picture. – I told him softly.

- Well I just wanted to give it a twist. Are you going to forget about the time we had breakfast in bed in the roof? I don't think so –He said cockily

- Of course not, Chanyeol. I would never forget this. – I told him smiling, as I grabbed a cookie and put it in his mouth.

- Of course you wouldn't – He muttered, mouth full with the pastry - I love you, Byul. I want to give you a loving, different day every day. I don't want us to fall in the routine.

- We won't, Chanyeol.

My boyfriend looked at me right in the eye, and then I could see that his own eyes drifted from happiness to sadness. I was worried, for I hadn’t seen that face of his in a while, and last time it wasn’t a good thing. I held his hand, and with my other free hand, I caressed his cheek. He closed his eyes as he felt my touch, and sighed.

- Byul, I'm scared.

- What? – I asked, still smiling at him.

- You'll leave me like I left Hana.

- What are you talking about? – I asked again, beginning to worry even more

- I'm scared. That's all.

I looked at his expression; the sad look on his eyes was not sadness but honest fear. I ruffled his hair and kissed him. ‘Don't be. I... Ah, Chanyeol. Why do we even bother? - Lets go have that breakfast you prepared’, I told him while he nodded quickly, reaching for the water for my coffee.

‘I have to play today’, Chanyeol told me while taking the last basket downstairs, after our long breakfast. I looked at him and nodded. ‘I can wait for you at the end’, I told him while grabbing one of the blankets we had been using to cover ourselves. He whined a little, and then agreed. ‘I understand’, he said, sitting in the couch. ‘Baekhyun tends to sing to loud and it’s annoying for me too’, he laughed. I shook my head, thinking that he was probably jealous of the amazing voice his friend had. ‘I’ll just go to the clinic and then go meet you there. We can go to the movies afterwards. Chanyeol nodded enthusiastically and went to pull me to sit with him. It was going to be a good day, for I had had the perfect start.

We did the dishes, took a shower and left together: after all, the bar where he plays is not very far away from the clinic. ‘I’ll see you later, Byul’, Chanyeol told me happily. I pulled his face for a kiss.

I entered the clinic and checked on some animals, caught up with some of the girls and spoke for a while with the vet. When I got nothing else to do there, I went to the coffee shop I’ve always gone to ever since I’ve been working for the clinic. Once ordered, I looked around to find a spot to sit, near the window on the first floor.

And then I saw him.

Carelessly flipping through a magazine, and sometimes looking through the window, Kim Joonmyeon was there, on the coffee shop we often used to meet after work. I seriously considered not going to talk to him, and cowardly run to the second floor, as I was sure that there were plenty of tables for me to sit and try to forget about it, but my body seemed to refuse to listen to my brain. ‘I didn't think you'd be here’, I told him softly, and he immediately turned to see me, beginning to smile calmly.

- I know – He said, nodding slowly - I guess I came because I felt a little nostalgic. We always met here after we both finished working, remember?

- Of course – I told him, still standing with my cup of coffee and a plate with cake in my hands. He seemed to notice I was feeling awkward so he hurried to offer me to sit down in front of him. I did so.

- Why are you here? – He asked me, tilting his head. I smiled.

- I don't know – I answered shrugging - I guess it's close to the clinic.

Joonmyeon chuckled at his own question, lifting his shoulders, admitting it had been dumb to ask such a thing. I laughed with him, for he had already known the answer, and we both knew that his question was just an attempt to start a conversation. ‘How have you been, Park Byul?’, he asked after a while, fixing his eyes on mine.

- I've been fine – I told him while grabbing a fork to begin eating my cheesecake - You?

He nodded slowly, and took some air. ‘I miss you’, he said as he breathed out.

- Joonmyeon... – I began, one more time.

- Don't worry – He hurried to continue, waving his hands for me to stop talking - I'm not chasing you. I just think you need to know that my feelings for you haven't gone anywhere – He said calmly, as usual

- I don't know what to do with that information.

- Don't do anything - He chuckled, the same way he used to every time I would say something that didn't make sense for him. I smiled too - Are you alright?

- I am – I nodded happily.

- Good - He smiled again and gasped, shaking his now empty cup - My drink is over. I shall get going. I’ll pay for yours. – He said, taking a bill.

- Don't - I said putting the bill he had placed over the table away

- I want to – He smiled, placing his hand over mine - Take care - He said softly.

As he began leaving, I felt I couldn’t let him go yet. There was something I felt the need to do, and one more time, my body refused to listen to my brain. ‘Joonmyeon?’, I called his name shyly: it wasn’t the same as before, for our situation has changed. ‘Byul?’, he said, turning to smile at me. I stood up and looked at him, hesitant upon whether or not should I keep on speaking, ‘Can I hug you?, I asked him softly. He tilted his head, curving his lips in a half smile.

- Isn't that inappropriate? Don't you feel worried? – He asked me, his voice remaining calm.

- I want to- I said quickly.

Joonmyeon smiled, partially closing his eyes. He opened his arms and whispered: ‘Come.’

I approached Joonmyeon and put my arms around him. He did the same as soon as he felt my grip. He hugged me tight, as if he had been waiting to do it for a long time. I took a deep breath, and we exhaled at the same time. I let go after a while, and lifted my head to look at him. 'I'm sorry', I told him. He chuckled again, mouthing 'Don't worry, I wanted a hug too'. We said our goodbyes and he left.

I felt safe on his arms. I… I felt that there was nothing that could ever harm me. I felt the same way I used to feel every time he would hug me. I felt calm, as if his perfume was the best aromatherapy in the world.

What happened?

I shook my head, finished my drink and my cheesecake, and headed to the bar where Chanyeol was playing. He smiled when he saw me and waved his arm. I went to him and we left. 'Where did you go while I was singing?', asked Chanyeol casually while cuddling in the couch. I lifted my head to look at him and shrugged. 'I was at that coffee shop that is near the clinic. I went there first to check on some of the animals that were on observations before we left to Macau, you know that', I answered calmly. He sighed.

- Were you alone? – He asked softly

- I was, yes.

- Then?

Chanyeol either new something or felt something. Neither was a good thing. I took some space and looked right at him.

- Then I met Joonmyeon in there. He was having a cup of coffee.- I told him honestly.

- Were you planning on meeting him in there? – He asked, a little bit angry.

- No – I answered - Chanyeol really, you don't need to begin acting like this. I'm not cheating on you.

- You hugged him. I saw it – He said, now clearly pissed off.

- Weren't you at the bar? – I inquired immediately

- I finished on time, so I went to that coffee shop because I know you sometimes go there, and I saw you calling his name and all that happened next – He said slowly - I went back to the bar later.

- Why didn't you tell me?

- I think there's not much for me to say, Byul. Do you feel safer with him? Does he still want you?

I gasped and grabbed his face, softly forcing him to look at me.

- I feel we’ve been through this a couple of times before – I told him, feeling gradually sad - Why can't we be together? Why can’t we just forget about what happened, why can’t we just be happy?

- Byul... – He began, grabbing my hand, but I took it back.

- Chanyeol this is too much. He left me so I could make up my mind and choose who I wanted to be with, and I chose you. If that's not enough for you then I don't know what to do –I told him – I did hug him, because he was indeed important for me. But the one I love is you; the one I want to spend my days with is you, Park Chanyeol.

- It’s about you, Byul. Did you ever love me? – He asked, standing up to squat in front of me.

- Seriously? Yes.

- Did you ever love him?

- Yes, Chanyeol – I said, and I sighed - At least that's what I thought. But then you came back to me and I just couldn't deny that I really loved you, and that hasn’t changed…

- You still love me – He repeated.

- Yes. I do – I said, putting my hands on top of his.

- No matter what, regardless of the time we spent away from each other?

- Is this a test? – I asked him with a silly smile on my face. He shrugged.

- I just want to be sure about this. I love you more than I can stand. Thus I can't stand losing you one more time. That would be a third time and I'm not willing to give it in so easily.

I looked at him, the one I had so many times cried for.

I looked at him, the one who used to call me ‘ferret smell’, and now calls me his love, the love of his life.

He’s the one I want to be with, for all I’d been expecting is nothing more than that.

But what happened to me back there at the coffee shop? 

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AUTHOR'S NOTE: 

Gosh it feels so weird to write this, mainly because I do not interact much through the chapters, I really don't want to interrupt you while you are reading... anyway! 

I'm so sorry I left for so long (At least I felt I hadn't updated in a long time!), the truth is I've been busy with some personal things... I'll be leaving the city I currently live in to go back home so my head has been anywhere but where it should be these days. Anyways I'm back, and I hope I'm back for good. I really thank you guys for your comments, for subscribing, and even for upvoting this! You make me feel I'm actually doing a decent job here hahahaha I love you all! :) 

- C.