The Wolf That Fell In Love With Little Red Riding Hood
Oh My Gukkie Review Gallery
Story Link - The Wolf That Fell In Love With Little Red Riding Hood
Ti t l e 3 / 5
De s c r i p t i on & Fo r e w o r d 1 0 / 20
Ap p e a r a n c e 9 / 10
Pl o t 1 2 / 2 0
F l ow 5 / 10
Wr i t ing S t y le 10 / 15
S p e l l in g , G r a m m a r , P u n c t u a t i o n 1 3 / 20
O v e r a l l 6 2 / 1 0 0
It is not the kind of title that would have lured me to read it, it’s too long. Additionally, your title can be categorizes as okay but not exceptional or amazing. There could have been a better title for this because as the story progress on you focused on fighting and the other aspects of the story. I could say the title is relevant to the content of the story, but not relevant enough to be title. And the title itself is somehow grammatically wrong. “The Wolf who fell in love with the Little Red Riding Hood” should be better.
Description&Foreword: 10/20
The description is short but then there are still grammatical mistakes. And the way you put them together is awkward. It is somehow uncomfortable to read. Primarily because when I read it you keep using “;” so you should combine those short sentences as a coherent compound sentence.
Silently they passed each other day by day they fall in love; without any contact at all.
It would be better if you wrote. . . They were silently passing each other day by day having no contact at all, but still both fell in love.
Another mistake:
They promised their families to have nothing to do with each other.
They promised to their families to have nothing to do with each other
You should really avoid “;” when a comma is the one needed. And using a semicolon has a set of rules. One of those is that you should only use it when you are putting two independent clauses together which should be closely related to each other.
I like the main poster and the background. I also like the chapter posters. They are fitting to the story.
Plot: 12/20
As I said, you could have picked a better title, since your plot goes a little bit outside your title. It is still not finish, but for now this is the score I’ll give you. The plot has a lot of promise. Ah Reum having a past and I could also sense that there is a past that L is hiding on his part. This kind of plot is a double-edged weapon for a writer. It could go to being amazing or it could also go to being predictable. I won’t say the plot is very original, it is somehow common. But still, I applaud you for adding titbits to the story so that it will come out somehow different if not completely unique.
In your first chapters the flow is a little bit messed up. It is still tolerable as I can still understand it. But as the story goes on and with the flashbacks inserted here and there, the way it was presented and written really confused me.
You should really work on the way you write, since it would be a big factor for readers to continue to read your story. As I said, the plot has a lot of promise, but then it would be useless if you don’t try to explore it properly. As of now, your writing has the tendency to confuse the readers at some point. You sometimes misused words which will certainly confused the readers too. Still I believe this kind of trait in writing can still be corrected.
Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation: 13/20
There were tiny mistakes here and there for the technicalities, so I suggest you should do a careful proof reading before updating. And whenever you re-read it ask yourself these questions: Does it make sense? Is there another way to phrase it better? Is it coherent enough? Is it understandable?
As I said earlier, you should refrain from making short sentences one after another. I suggest you just combine it as a compound sentence.
As for punctuations, there are missing quotations, commas and periods. There is also the misused of “;” Additionally, it is better to just italicize the thoughts of your characters instead of using quotation marks to express them as it would confuse your readers.
Review by Ayaaachan
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