Story Link - The Power Of My Secret : BTS

A n a l y s i s

Ti  t  l  e       4   /   5

De s c r  i  p  t  i  on & Fo  r  e w o  r  d     19 5/  20
Ap p e a   r   a n c  e        1 0   /  10
Pl o  t     17  /   20
F l  ow        7  /   10
Wr  i  t  ing    S  t y le     10    /     15
S p  e  l  l  in g   ,    G  r   a  m   m  a  r   ,  P u  n   c  t  u  a   t   i   o  n       14    /    20
O  v  e  r  a l  l     7  7  /     1 0  0

 

 

Title: 4/5
I like how it’s incorporated into the story because the OC has powers and she keeps it a secret. I sorta think the BTS part wasn’t needed since you have a tag saying BTS but that’s sort of my personal opinion so I’m not really going to mark anything off. The reason why I took 1 mark off is because of the attraction factor of the name. If I were to go through the BTS stories and saw “The Power of My Secret: BTS”, I would look at it, pause, but I would most likely skip it. In my opinion, it’s a strong title but it’s not strong enough.
 

Description&Foreword: 15/20

Okay, for one thing, you used too many ellipses. It’s fine when you want to make it more suspenseful, more mysterious but seriously, don’t overdo it. The only part that really needs the ...’s is the beginning part where it speaks from Soomin’s POV, the first two sentences.

You have sentences that are unnecessary, i.e. “Especially if the girl has powers...” “Her powers are a burden in her life.” You’ve already stated that her family has powers (that would include herself) and it’s already implied that her powers are a burden (“My secret is too much of a burden to my life...”)

---
My secret is too much of a burden to my life... -> My secret was too much of a burden...
(“to my life” is unnecessary and since the previous sentence was in past tense, stick to past tense here as well.)

Lee Soomin, a 15 year old girl. She lives with her father and brother. Her family has become too much of a burden in her life. But what happens... if her family has powers?.. Her father is the best policeman in Seoul and he expects his kids to be well-protected and not have any friends.
~~~~~~~
Lee Soomin, a 15 year old girl, lives with her father and brother. Her father is the best policeman in Seoul and he expects his kids to be well-protected and to not have any friends. Her father makes her life much harder than it should be. But what happens when her family has powers?

(Okay, I’m only doing the first portion of the description for you. Rearrange some of the sentences to make the paragraph flow better.

“Her family has become too much of a burden in her life.” - The “...too much of a burden...” makes the description sound repetitive as “too much of a burden” has been said already. Also, make this sentence present tense, seeing as how you make the entire description present tense, excluding the first two insight sentences.

 

Appearance: 10/10
I actually LOVE the poster and the background. It gives the story a nice feel and it completely fits the (supposed) mood.
 

Plot: 17/20

I find the plot pretty interesting. I’m a huge fan of mystery and fantasy so the powers made it enjoyable for me to read, alonging with the way the OC is being attacked and targeted. I don’t know if this would be original though because I’ve read a few stories where the OC has powers and sorta tries to find a killer or a criminal. I’ve also read a few stories where the mothers dead but turns out she’s not really dead. The thing is, with your story, it seems like it’s dragging on. “So I’m heading this way with this story, OH! Why don’t I add this in as well?!” That’s basically what I’m getting. The plot twists are too abrupt. If you want to make it smoother, add a few hints of her not being a princess or something (I don’t know how you’d do that but yeah.)

Flow: 7/10

I found that the sentences could use a bit of reordering. It didn’t flow just quite right for me. I felt like I was jumping sort of here and there. The sentence reordering is a small thing considering that it didn’t affect the story too much. But I dunno, I felt like the plot, the storyline was kinda rushed. Maybe that was just me.

Writing Style: 10/15

You’re writing style is simple. It’s more concise but I wouldn’t say it was impressive. You use simple to semi-complex words but your writing isn’t very articulate. An example of an articulate writer would be Akacchiin or DreamyFlower.

Now you don’t have to be articulate or detailed to be a good, more advanced writer but your sense or writing is a bit bland. It’s like there really isn’t much emotion behind your work. I know this most likely isn’t the case but... I don’t know how to describe it that well. But I feel like my point has been made.
 

Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation: 14/20

When you do dialogue, you don’t add a ‘.’ if the spoken part is being continued. (That seemed confusing) Here’s an example:

“I really want to eat,” Tom said.

“So do I,” Charlie concurred.

Above, you see where I use a comma instead of a period? This is because though the quote would end with a period, it’s being continued outside of the quotation marks with the following sentence as it connects directly.

“So do I.” Charlie’s stomach growled.

Now in this case, the “So do I.” doesn’t connect to the next sentence. They’re completely separate thoughts. (Sorry, I’m not the best at explaining this specific idea so you can just research how to write dialogue in literature or something along those lines.)