I am a very, very bad person indeed.

I little while ago, I opened my eyes to find myself lying on hospital bed with YiJeong sleeping soundly next to me, his body arch uncomfortably on the chair, face buried on my thick blanket and his right hand intertwined securely into mine.

I think I haven’t breathe in a single ounce of air from just now, as I was busy worrying about not to wake him up. Part of it is because I was sorry, and part of it just because I want to avoid any awkward situation that will most possibly arose if he wakes up.

Only me and him and a shuddering silence, just imagining it sends uncomfortable shivers down my spine.

So basically here I am, staring blankly at the white hospital ceiling, reflecting on how nothing has gone right in my life recently, and it was actually and sadly caused by my own stupidity. Which indirectly present me with one more question, what is YiJeong still doing here?

If I were him, I would’ve thrown away the girl who fooled around behind my back, but So YiJeong, I don’t know if he is just plain dumb, but he is still here, hunched next to me when he can sleep comfortably on his queen sized bed at home.

Just the thought of that makes me feel like a wicked, ratty troublemaker, and once again a tan of guilt surrounds my already burdened guts.

“Uh….” My eyes dart from the ceiling to YiJeong who is now grunting, about to wake up from his sleep. I am petrified, unable to do anything but to look at him and his process of uneasily waking up (seems like he is having backbone ache), and to feel his hand tighten its hold on mine.

“GaEul? You are awake?” his eyes widen, full of concern.

I should be the one who ask you that.

“I’ll call the doctor now” His concern turns into panic-attack, as I can see it beaming loudly on his face.

I wanted to say the traditional ‘I’m fine, thank you’ but I just realized I am horrifyingly not okay. My mouth feels pierced by a thousand of needles the moment I tried say something, and a potent burning pain suddenly labors itself in my head when I tried to lift it.

But I didn’t have the chance to tell him that because in just a second of time interval, YiJeong had vanished out of the ward, and comes back with a bunch of harassed looking doctor and nurses.

They ask me things, like ‘Do you remember what happened?’ (Of course I remember, it is still vivid, the feel of the disgusting lips anchored onto mine, and it makes me want to vomit every time the memory resurfaces) , and ‘Any other parts of your body hurts?’ (Are you kidding me? My whole body aches like crazy). They then run few procedures which I don’t understand at all, before giving me words of advice and head out of my ward, leaving me once again, alone with YiJeong.

            “How do you feel?” He settles himself on the chair, still having the panicked expression on his face.

            “Are you hungry? I’ll bring you something to eat. What do you want?” He asks again, since I didn’t answer his first question.

Well, I don’t feel good. And I am quite hungry, but I don’t feel like eating. I want to tell him that, but words just won’t come out of my dry throat.

            “Want to drink?” He ask one more time, maybe hoping that I will at least answer him with a ‘yes’ or ‘no’, as prove that I am not mute or something after the attack.

“Um” I nod, finally able to express my demand. Maybe my throat will fell better if I run some cold water into it.

YiJeong immediately reach for the water jug located on the moveable meal tray which is currently weighed down with fruits, flower, and chocolate, and got me wondering if someone else came to visit me.

            “Here you go. Drink slowly” YiJeong hands me the glass of water, before he sits on the chair, and look at me tentatively, as if I will choke on the water and die if he didn’t fix his eyes on me.

            “YiJeong ah” I finally blurt out in his direction, ending my guilt-ridden silence.

            “I’m sorry”

There. I’ve said it. Finally I said the right thing, which should be said clearly exactly a week ago. Maybe if I did, these horrible things won’t happen at the first place.

“What are you being sorry about?” His eyes perplexed, but still having his stern tone.

            “That night” – I try to explain.

            “Chu Ga Eul” He interjects. “You idiot” He adds.

            “Why did you choose such a weird place to meet up? We can just meet at home”

If you didn’t disappear from home, I don’t even have to video message you either.

            “Another one, if I didn’t come after 15 minutes, you should just go. What were you doing there waiting for 3 hours and a half? Are you stupid?”

Well, I don’t even realize that I waited that lon