I really wanted to find a place where no one knows my name and disappear forever. Kimmi’s veins were about to pop out of her temples and all I could do was nothing. I stood there hoping that everyone would look away but something told me they weren’t going to unless they saw some commotion first.

            As hot-tempered as she was, Kimmi approached Jaejoong and pulled him away from me, struggling but succeeding in the process. Her hand grabbed Jaejoong by the collar and her eyes turned red as she penetrated a glare at him. “Don’t you dare claim Minni as yours. She is not an item. She is human!” She growled. “How dare you do such disgusting things to her in front of everyone.”

            “What? Are you feeling guilty now?” Jaejoong chuckled, unafraid by her threat. “The person who once considered a jerk like me to be suitable with her best friend now regrets it when her words have finally come true.” Kimmi tensed up and Jaejoong took the opportunity to tug her hand off him.

            “She didn’t mean what she said.” Yoochun interrupted. “She was just saying that in terms of appearance, you guys looked good together.”

            “Well she should have looked more closely before saying anything and giving me ideas.” Jaejoong sneered.

            “No. You should be watching what you say.” Changmin hissed at Jaejoong.

            “I only speak the truth.”

            “Is it really true?” Junsu tugged my sleeve. “Are you really dating Jaejoong?”

            Changmin, Yoochun and Kimmi turned my way. I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes. “Yes, we’re dating each other.” I confirmed.

            Jaejoong snickered in victory and wrapped an arm around my waist. “Are you already falling for me?” He whispered.

            “No.” I answered firmly. “There’s no way that I will fall for someone who hurts my friends like that. Please release me before I do it myself in front of everyone.”

            Jaejoong was astounded for a millisecond but he decided to follow my orders for once. I turned away from him and clenched my bag strap tightly, walking towards the school entrance. I stopped abruptly when I saw Yunho a few steps away looking at me grimly. I couldn’t help but feel some sense of guilt.

            Yunho eventually gave me a warm smile. “I’m glad to see that you’re feeling better.”

            I nodded. “Yes. Thank you.”

            “He must have taken really good care of you.” Yunho tilted his head towards Jaejoong.

            I nodded again, a little more slowly this time, but I didn’t reply.

            Yunho giggled, reaching out a clasped hand towards my nose. He stopped an inch away, then returned it to his side. “I shouldn’t do that anymore, right? Don’t want to make Jaejoong jealous now, do we?”

            I laughed at the thought; as if Jaejoong would get jealous. At the same time, I couldn’t help but feel quite empty. It didn’t feel right that Yunho wasn’t being his usual self around me.

            His smile didn’t reach his eyes this time. “I’d best be on my way. I have to hand in some documents before school starts. I’ll see you in class.” He took off before I could utter another word.

                        I didn’t speak to anyone during the day. Usually, Mondays were test days. We had a weekly test every Monday on every subject to see our progress. It was quite short and most people took it lightly but I always put in everything I had; even though I finished quite early, I would always check through the paper again and again. So when lunchtime came, I was exhausted and I was really looking forward to joining my friends at our usual lunch table.

            Yunho looked brighter than this morning. He welcomed me to the table and offered a seat beside Kimmi, across him. I sat down.

            “We need to talk.” Kimmi began. “Why are you with Jaejoong? I thought you would know what’s good for you.”

            I looked to her with pleading eyes, hoping she would trust me. “I have my reasons that I can’t tell you at the moment, but it’s not what you think." Jaejoong saved my life once and I planned on returning him a favour; that was all.

            “After all he’s done to you?!”

            “After all he’s done to everyone.” Including himself.

            “You don’t make any sense.” Kimmi sounded agitated. “And that frustrates me.” She rose from the table but I grabbed her hand and held her back.

            “I’m sorry but don’t leave.” I pleaded. “I’ll leave if it makes you feel better.”

            When she slowly sat down again, I got up. “Minni.” I turned to Yunho who had just called my name. “I believe in you. I trust that you know what you’re doing is right.”

            I beamed at him. “Thank you, Yunho.” And then I walked away. I had a feeling that I should just keep a distance from everyone for a while. My friends and family weren’t completely satisfied with my decision to be Jaejoong’s lover. I completely understood that they were worried and that’s why I chose not to tell them precisely what my intentions were. It will only make things more worrisome if they found out that I was trying to change Jaejoong for the better.

            “I don’t get it.” I was stopped by a loud trembling voice just as I left the cafeteria. I turned to a bench nearby to face a miserable Sohee and some of her friends. “I try so hard to get his attention and you do nothing.” She whined turning my way. “You don’t look at him as if you’re in love with him and you guys were never friends to begin with but yet, he still chooses you.”

            I watched her silently. There was nothing I could say. She was someone who despised me and I didn’t want that hatred she had, to accumulate.

            “What do you have that I don’t?” She croaked. “How did you do it?”

            “Questioning isn’t going to help Sohee.” One of her friends spoke rashly. If I remembered correctly, her name should be Danseol. “You have to be stronger than this.” Sohee broke down at that moment and cried mournfully. Her friends comforted her while piercing me with deathly stares. “Look what you did.” Danseol yelled angrily at me. “Stop acting like such a saint. If you were really one, you wouldn’t be with Jaejoong in the first place. You’re hurting half of the school population, you know that?”

            “How can all of you be so into Jaejoong when all he has ever done is ignore you?” I asked.

            “Why should you be asking?” Danseol spat at me. “You should know yourself. You’re his girlfriend for ing sakes.”

            “I’m his girlfriend because he has done good things to me.” I answered honestly. “But has he ever done anything for any of you?”

            “Look at her boasting about how Jaejoong worships her.” Danseol strutted up to me fiercely. “I think we need to teach her a lesson for messing with our Jaejoong.”

            “I dare you to.” I whipped my head towards Jaejoong’s voice as he coolly walked up to me and stood between Danseol and me. Danseol immediately backed away and went to comfort Sohee, who was now trying to silence herself.

            I couldn’t help but pity her when I saw her swollen eyes and red nose. “Sohee. I didn’t mean to make you cry or hurt anyone, I swear.” I spoke strongly and confidently. “If it makes you feel any better, feel free to give me a cup of hot chocolate anytime. Don’t forget to add in your secret ingredient.” I gave her a warm smile.

            “Quit pretending.” Danseol sneered at me just before she was about to lead the group of girls away.

            “She is not pretending. She is pure.” Jaejoong announced putting a hard staccato into every word he said. Jaejoong’s tone then turned sweet. “That’s why she’s my little angel.” I looked at him as he smiled elegantly at me. Although the smile showed no teeth, his lips pulled up tight at the corners and his eyes glowed at me. This was probably his most sincere smile so far and I couldn’t help but acknowledge it and beam at how beautiful it was.  

            Unfortunately, it disappeared as quickly as it came. Jaejoong grasped my forearm tightly and started tugging me along with him. His grip was strong and I could feel my bruises bursting with pain under all that pressure. “Jaejoong, let go of me.” My voice wasn’t too demanding and I guess that’s why he wasn’t listening to me. We were on the large field where the students usually played soccer heading towards the trees and shrubs the biology students took care of.

            “Don’t even bother screaming for help. You think anyone would help you knowing that you’re with your boyfriend?” Jaejoong muttered.

            I didn’t talk back. I was more focused on trying to hide my pain. I refused to shriek out despite how much it hurt and clenched my fists tightly. We eventually reached our destination and Jaejoong released me when we were completely hidden within the trees. I chose to lean against a smooth tree trunk and started massaging my sore arm gently, easing the pain slightly.

            “You’re so stupid.” Jaejoong shook his head disapprovingly. “What if she really gives you another cup of her special hot chocolate soya sauce mixture? Are you going to swallow your words then?”

            “Well, it’s not poison.” I muttered. “There’s nothing wrong with drinking it if it makes her feel better, I’ll drink it. I did break her heart after all.”

            Jaejoong scoffed with disbelief. “She pushes you down the stairs, locks you in a dark chemistry storeroom, tries to slap you and puts soy in your hot chocolate and you still think you should try and mend her broken heart.” I already had an idea that Sohee was bullying me but I didn’t know that Jaejoong knew as well. Jaejoong advanced on me and remembering that I had a back to a tree, I knew I couldn’t move away. He held my forearms firmly, shaking me vigorously and again I felt the same soreness. “Snap out of it Minni! If I knew you’d willingly accept that drink like that, I wouldn’t have put that sh*t in my mouth in the first place. I would have given it all to you.”

            “I thank you for your concern.” I tried to speak normally but I could hear the weakness in my tone. I was trying to suppress the pain again and this time it was all over my body; the bruises on my back and both forearms were very sore now. “I hope that you would express it more. It makes you seem like a much better person.”

            Jaejoong stopped shaking me and stared at me with tensed eyes. He then exhaled and rested his forehead on my shoulder. “Who said I was worried? Do you think I would bring you here if I was worried?” His muffled voice turned icy cold again. He looked back at me with a playful smirk and a mischievous gleam in his eyes before smashing his lips against mine. My arms felt too numb to move but I tried to turn my face away, failing miserably because his hands had quickly released my forearms and instead held my head in place. This kiss lasted longer than the usual pecks he had given me. Jaejoong had tilted his head to get in close and nipped my lower lip before pulling away, looking completely satisfied.

            “I just needed some privacy, that’s all.” He chortled. I looked at him feeling completely distressed. The breath I had held in when he had pashed me, slowly exhaled as I felt my body ache all over. Physically, I felt hurt but emotionally, I felt tormented and harassed. I didn’t know what to do. What did you do when one seems like they care but suddenly kisses you like that? Do you kick them or smile at them? I could feel my teeth clench together as I thought about how I should react.

            Jaejoong patted my forearm slightly jolting a nerve again. “I know you liked it.” He said huskily then he his lips and disappeared out of the forest, leaving me all alone.

            Unknowingly, I found myself slinking to the ground and concentrating on my physical wounds for comfort. I removed my jumper, despite the cold and ed my sleeves rolling both of them up slowly. I examined both arms finding one to be redder than the others. The thick streaks were still visible and seemed fresh just like when I first got them. I rubbed them a little, trying to keep them insulated and warm. When I get home, I would have to use more of Hana’s ointment.

            I bit my lower lip randomly and suddenly remembered Jaejoong’s kiss again. “It’s okay, it’s alright.” I found that I was whispering to myself, still rubbing my arms in the process. “There’s no way I’m going to cry.” I looked up, staring beyond the canopy of trees and at the grey clouds that collaged the whole sky. It was a gloomy distraction. After that I heard some rustling nearby and saw Jaejoong walking back into the forest. He held two paper bags in one hand and a cardboard cup in the other while he approached me, looking intently at me.

             I became aware that I was still rubbing my arms and I hastily unfolded my sleeves and buttoned them up.

            Jaejoong took the position next to me and handed me a bag. “Eat up.” He said. “I don’t want to kill my girlfriend just yet.”

            I took the bag and began to eat the toasted roll in there.

            “Oh, and I grabbed some soya sauce.” Jaejoong took out a small bottle from his pocket. “Just in case you wanted to slip some in your hot drink.” I spluttered on my roll and he laughed a little.

            After that, we ate our food silently and didn’t speak a word to one another until we had both finished. “Lay your head on my shoulder.” He demanded, scrunching up his paper bag. I looked at him but he wasn’t looking at me. “Do you want to lay on my shoulder or let me do something else to you?”

            Remembering what had happened earlier, I placed my head on his shoulder. Surprisingly, it felt really comfortable. His shoulder wasn’t too high nor too low and my head seemed to fit into place with it. Jaejoong grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers. I looked at our hands, feeling a little tired at that moment. “You know you’re really stupid. You know that, right?” He murmured. I know what he said was an insult but the way he had said it was so soothing. I couldn’t help but feel secure at that time and place with him.

                        After psychology class ended, I packed my books and left for my final class. Changmin caught up with me. “Can I walk you to your next class?” He asked. We hadn’t spoke during class time at all due to the test we had.

            “Sure.” I replied and Changmin smiled.

            “Yeah, I’ll let my girlfriend walk with you since you’re her friend.” Jaejoong suddenly appeared, draping his arm on my shoulder again. “I should be jealous, right? My girlfriend is walking and talking with another guy after all.” Jaejoong stared at Changmin. “But when I think about it, there’s no way that you have a thing for older women, do you?”

            Changmin flustered a little and his glare towards Jaejoong changed from scary to lethal. Jaejoong only curled his lips into a smile. “I’ll see you in biology.” He said to me and left the two of us alone. At that moment, I became aware of the fact that Jaejoong wasn’t ditching any classes today; he had attended all of them and completed all the tests today as well.

            “Is there a specific reason why you’re dating him?” Changmin asked, interrupting my thoughts. I looked up at him. Again, he was being straightforward and concise with me. He looked away nervously. “Well, I know that there’s no way that you could have fell for him.”

            “Let’s just say that I owe him.” I stated.

            “I knew it!” Changmin exclaimed. “He forced you into it.”

            “No, I agreed to it.” I gave an honest response.

            Changmin stuttered in his steps but then regained his pace with mine again. “But why?” He asked.

            “Because I owe him.” I repeated myself. It was the only reasonable thing that I could say at that moment that was still the truth.

            “You remember when I asked you whether you liked Jaejoong or not?” Changmin sighed and I nodded. “I am now assured that you do not like him at all.” I took in every word he said and felt that his words weren’t entirely true. “You have fallen completely in love with him.” He concluded. “You are no different from those fan girls who surround him.” And with that, he walked off immediately. I stopped in my tracks feeling the anger in his voice. Did Changmin suddenly despise me because of this choice I have made? I couldn’t lie and say that my heart wasn’t crushed a little to hear the fury in his voice. He didn’t even give me a chance to say anything. He probably didn’t even want to listen to me any longer.

            Feeling dreadful, I dragged myself into my last class that was only a few steps from where Changmin had left me. I took my usual seat next to the window beside Yunho and in front of Kimmi. Yunho gave me a quick smile before mouthing mutely the words ‘good luck’. Kimmi turned away nervously when I looked at her. She refused to make eye contact with me and that pierced my heart. Yoochun didn’t even look at me when I greeted him; his eyes were continuously staring at Kimmi’s uneasy expressions. For once, I felt completely abandoned by my best friend. It tore my soul to know that I won’t be able to receive Kimmi’s smiles anytime soon.

            A person from the back of the room kept his eyes on me and I turned to watch him. As promised, Jaejoong had attended his biology class and beamed at me cunningly, putting two fingers to his lips and then pointing the same two fingers at me, sending me an airmail-kiss. I looked at him blankly and then turned towards the front, ready to sit my final test for the day. I had to give it my all if I wanted to attend my dream college and become a fully qualified doctor.

            By the time the test finished, I was exhausted. It was quite simple; it actually was simpler than the usual tests we got. I was satisfied with my effort and turned to see Kimmi and her response. She was nowhere in sight and so wasn’t Yoochun.

            “How was the test?” Yunho asked from beside me.

            “It was okay.” I responded, still feeling a little upset that Kimmi had left without me. “It was quite easy.”

            “Yeah it was.” Yunho agreed. “I’ll see you tomorrow then. I have to discuss some issues with the teachers regarding our biology camp next week.”

            “Alright. Bye then.” I had almost forgot about that and made a mental note to start preparing my bags when I get home. Yunho gave a bittersweet smile and dashed off.

            I walked alone to my locker, hugging my books as comfort. Danseol was walking in the other direction and rammed my shoulder as we passed each other.

            “Oops. I didn’t mean to push you.” I could hear her sarcasm. “Just like you didn’t mean to be Jaejoong’s girlfriend.” She sniveled at me for a while then darted off. It looked like she just remembered something important she had to do but I couldn’t help but see a sense of fear in her eyes just before she ran off. I shrugged it off and approached my locker twisting my padlock to get it open.

            “8, 19, 22.” Jaejoong whispered over my shoulder, startling me. I turned to him but he was too busy trying to remember my lock combination.

            “A boyfriend must know their girlfriend’s locker code.” He stated as a matter-of-factly and I ignored it. I looked back to my locker and pulled it open, seeing a note drop to the floor. I swiftly picked it up and read it. Junsu’s scrawls were evident on the paper and it read:

                        Going to play soccer with friends today after school. Hana told me that she is going to the local library with Jaemi to study. Please walk home safely. Sorry and lots of love, Junsu.

            Jaejoong took the note from my hand. “Getting love letters now that you’ve got me. That’s heartbreaking.” He snickered but I felt my insides crumble at the mere fact that Junsu didn’t come to tell me himself but sent a note instead. It seemed like everyone who was dear to me and I, dear to them, were all avoiding me. Jaejoong’s smirk died when he read the note and I packed my school bag half-heartedly. He scrunched the note in his hand and beamed at me. “A boyfriend must walk his girlfriend home.” He said and lifted an eyebrow. I nodded dully and trudged forward as he tailed along.

                        “You seem so out of it.” Jaejoong asked. “Should I give you another kiss?”

            My eyes widened when he mentioned that. It was true that I wasn’t responding to anything Jaejoong had said in the last fifteen minutes but that didn’t mean that I wasn’t listening. I didn’t like the idea but I felt like all my energy had been drained out of me. “Do whatever you want.” I muttered effortlessly.

            Jaejoong took this as an opportunity and cupped both hands on my shoulder turning me to face him. I felt myself begin to panic when he neared me but I stayed in position. This was probably not going to be his last meaningless kiss so I might as well get used to it. I closed my eyes to drown out the sight of it but I could still feel his breaths on my nose. The breaths suddenly disappeared and I felt relieved thinking that Jaejoong had pulled back. I opened my eyes only to find his chin right in front of my eyes and then I felt his soft lips plant itself on my forehead instead.

            He pulled back and seemed to be critically thinking about something. “No, I think your lips were better.” He commented leaning in again very quickly.

            I don’t know why but I hastily smashed my hands over his lips before it could reach its target. “Don’t you have anything better to do than to kiss me all the time?” I stammered

            Jaejoong stood up straight and I put my hands down. “I do have something planned but we need your bedroom.” He eyes were burning with fire and I could feel myself tensing up.

            “Thank you for walking me home. Bye.” I squeaked and walked up to my door and searched my bag for my key.

            I could feel Jaejoong smiling malevolently behind me as he walked up to me and held my key in front of me. “You really should pay attention when I’m around.” He advised. I lunged for the key but he put it high and out of my reach. While I was struggling to get it from a certain height, Jaejoong quickly shifted and put the key in the hole using his body to shield it from my reach. Jaejoong succeeded in unlocking the door and opened it, letting himself in. “Now where’s your room?” He wondered. I refused to tell him. “If we have to do it then it has to be in your room.” My lips didn’t move. Jaejoong was clearly enjoying putting me on edge. He slammed the front door shut, dragged me along with him and opened the first door nearby and peered in. I gulped because now he was looking into my room. How did he happen to get my room on his first guess? “This looks like it.”

            “This is Hana’s room.” I lied.

            Jaejoong shook his head. “Hana’s a really untidy person and judging by her, she would want a room upstairs. She’s also really spoilt by her mother so of course, she would generally get what she wants.” Jaejoong explained, leading me to the bed. “Your mother doesn’t seem to favour you so much so this room must be yours.” He removed my bag and threw it aside. “Now take off your jumper and your shirt.” He commanded removing his bag and blazer and dropping it on the ground near my bag. I felt my heart hammering my chest, trying to break free. Was he really serious about this?

            “Jaejoong.” I spoke in fear. “Please don’t do this.”

            “Come on. It will be fun.” He insisted giving me a dazzling smile. I sat on my bed completely paralysed. “I’ll help you.” He offered.

            “No, don’t!” I protested and fought hard to keep my clothes on. He tickled me and succeeded in removing my sweater and school shirt leaving me in my singlet and school skirt only. Already I felt really exposed and wrapped my arms around me.

            “Wow. My girlfriend is very pretty.” Jaejoong crooned and I twitched at his voice. He then advanced on me and I shrieked at what was going to happen next. I struggled to pull him away from me and I tried to punch him as hard as I could but he didn’t retreat. After a minute or so, he sat back in his usual position, having done nothing but embrace me in a very peculiar way. He began to laugh hysterically and I felt confusion and relief wash over me at the same time. Slowly, he lifted his hand and revealed Hana’s ointment that had been sitting on the bedside table behind me. He was only trying to get the jar. I looked to my bruised arms and felt my cheeks burn like fire. I must be very stupid.