WolfGirl88

Story link

Review by LOWEE

Title [10/10]

The title simply attracts me because I personally love reading stories with mysterious titles and this totally win my heart. Keep doing what you do!!

Appearance [10/10]

I’m not the type of graphics expert but based on your description and the title itself, the story is a fluff. I have to admit that your poster is really cute <3 and it seems to fit your story perfectly. The hot air balloon is really cute <3

Description and foreword [9/10]

I don’t have a problem with your description and foreword except some grammatical errors which I have fixed. Just keep on doing the right thing for this part.

Characters [10/10]

You made a great description and characterization for your characters. It is nice that you did not leave your desired attitude for them. Most authors kind of forget what they describe their characters will be and makes readers confused about it. I loved that you used taehyung and baekhyun as the twins <3 they really resemble each other ^^

Just one thing I want you to fix is the twin’s surname. If they are twins, you should at least make their surname the same. You could change on of their surname to make it look like they are really twins.

Plot [39/40]

The plot was a little usual with the one-sided love part so I removed a point there. But the thing where the twins are both in love with the same girl, now that’s a different story. It’s pretty complicated and it’s great! Complications make the story more entertaining and fun to read.

Grammar and spelling [7/10]

Overall, you did a wonderful job ^^. Your subject-verb agreement is good and there are just little errors. Here are the errors I find quite obvious. Keep doing great!

Born as an identitical twins, they live with an exactly different personalities. I tried rephrasing it to ‘Born with identical face, but with very different personalities’

Worst of all, they like and love the same person. The person they had been living with as their friend. The latter sentence is connected to the former so you should put it in one sentence. ‘Worst of all, they love the same person-- their friend, whom they have been living with’

Hyorin who always state. Hyorin is singular so your verb which is state must agree to your subject. ‘Hyorin who always states’

Really lonely and always alone. I want to point out that being lonely means you don’t have someone hanging out with you and to be exact, alone so this sentence is redundant please fix this.

Someone had always be there for her. should be ‘Someone had been always there for her.’

Hyo Rin had been growing up with the twins and she know them too much. Should be ‘Hyo Rin and the twins grew up together and she knows them a lot.

Because among all of the fishes, she was the hardest one to get into his heart. I really can’t understand what this sentence is telling. I keep on assuming whether you want to tell that it is hard to get to Hyo Rin’s heart or what. Please fixed this..

Who will get heartbroken at the end?. Should be ‘Who will get broken hearted in the end?’

was so annoyed right now. WAS and RIGHT NOW seriously doesn’t fit right. This makes the sentence funny because you used a past tense verb and add right now which means it’s in the present time.

She was known as the scariest female... in what?? In school? In the whole world?? You should be specific in explaining things like this because it helps reader understand how scary the characters are.