Review by LOWEE
Title [10/10]
The title somehow shows a possessive type of girl. It seems like she’s head over heels Mr. Wu. It obviously showed that it’s a romcom and I believe a lot of readers will like it. You have a great taste for titles so keep it up <3
Appearance [9/10]
Your poster is cute <3. The colours blend perfectly. Not bright but it catches the eyes of the reader. But the layout is somehow pretty plain. If you like, you could put a background cover and layout the foreword for entertaining readers who are visual minded
Description and foreword [7/10]
The description is a little confusing. Maybe because of the redundancy and some grammatical errors which you will find out later… but since the plot is directly said, this attracts a lot of readers.
The foreword is good. Grammatical errors can be fixed but not as how people can be fixed when putting something in a foreword. You know the purpose of the foreword so I’ll leave you there.
Characters [7/10]
I like how you portray Kris as mysterious but how about the OC? I don’t know what are her traits or more information about her. You did not put characterization directly nor indirectly. The OC makes me wonder what is her attitude towards others besides her family and her husband. I also liked how Kris can be mysterious to others but sweet when it comes to the OC.
Plot [38/40]
I honestly love Fluff stories! ^^ I mean that’s why a lot of fans write stories – to take all their feels. /slapped. Anyway, the plot is somehow common but I liked it when you let Kris and the OC meet before their arranged marriage. I also liked how you made them meet each other. The part where the OC did not disapproved of the marriage was somehow unique. Normally, this kind of plot uses charcters that both oppose the idea and do every nasty stuff to get rid of their partner but this one is the opposite which is really interesting. Keep it up in making cute twists in your plots. ^^
Grammar and spelling [4/10]
So you have a lot of grammatical errors in your story. I’ll not put them one by one because you have a lot. I hope that you’ll practice more in your grammar because a lot of it is very confusing. These are some of the sentences/phrases I did not consider.. I take it that English is not your first language so i’ll let some of it pass. Please always remember that subject-verb agreement is very important. Not all people will understand what you mean in that sentence if you do not follow the SVA. Punctuations are also important. When you place it incorrectly, it there’s a big chance that the sentence will mean different than what you think of. Possessive words are DIFFERENT from derived words so be careful with that ^^
Foreword: ‘That was everyone dreams’ should be ‘that is everyone’s dream.’ Everyone will think that the one who marrying with an idol was lucky.’ Should be ‘everyone will say that the person whose marrying an idol is lucky’. ‘Idol, a marriage with them will lead to a happy ending, that's what some people thinks.’ Should be ‘some people thinks that marrying an idol will lead to a happy ending’. ‘Chaekyung, a famous high school student who was indeed very cute. Very. Boys will kills to get her. Girls envy her. Every girls wanted to be like her.’ This is not even a sentence. It doesn’t make a sense. It gives me a question like “what about this paragraph?” try revising. ‘She a perfect girl.’ should be ‘she’s a perfect girl.’
Chapter one: ‘Jinri, my best friend yelled at me across the road, making all the students looked at both of us.’ Should be ‘Jinri, my best friend, yelled at me across the road making all the students looked at the both of us.’ ‘I was nothing.’ should be ‘I am nothing.’ ‘I bowed to the stranger and quickly picked up my phone without checking it and put it inside my bag then dashed out from the bus because I had reached my stop.’ You should remove the ‘because i had reached my stop’ because you will not get out of the bus if you’re not on your stop yet. LOL
Chapter two: ‘I tapped Jinri’s shoulder that was busy chatting with Minho ‘ wow jinri’s shoulder is talking to minho? That is weird. It should be ‘i tapped jinri,who was busy chatting with minho, by the shoulder’
Chapter five: ice-cream should be ice cream. You don’t put a hyphen to ice cream.
Chapter nine:’ I stepped into the apartment after the guy, who opened the door gesture me to enter,' should be ‘I stepped into the apartment after the guy, who opened the door, gestured for me to enter,’ ‘ Yes you are. ‘ should be ‘yes you do.’ ‘I looked up and saw Lay, smiling showing his dimple.’ Should be ‘I looked up and saw Lay smiling, showing his dimple.’ ‘The drives to the wedding dresses’ shop were deadly quite.’ Should be ‘The ride to the wedding dresses’ shop was silent.’ ‘ That’s no point hiding your body from me.’ Should be ‘ There’s no point hiding your body from me,’
Chapter eleven : ‘Yah Chae ah! Your hand is so cold. Relax, took a deep breath. ‘ should be ‘Yah Chae ah! Your hand is so cold. Relax, take a deep breath.’
Chapter twelve: ‘He’s freaking didn’t kiss me.´should be ‘He did not freaking kiss me!’ “ Do you mad at me? “ should be ‘are you mad at me?’
Chapter fifteen: ‘She was sobbing very had in my arms’ should be ‘ she’s crying in my arms. I can feel how much pain she’s feeling with all her crying.’ ‘She sobbed in my arms.’ Should be ‘she continued to sob in my arms’ ‘interlaced’ should be ‘intertwined’ ‘maybe she will still bawling her eyes out at school.’ Should be ‘maybe she will keep on bawling her eyes out at school’
Chapter sixteen: ‘ Hyung, you looks tired. ‘ should be ‘hyung looks tired’ ‘In order to make us looks perfect in front of our fans’ should be ‘in order to make us look perfect in front of our fans’.’ Why she kept popped in my mind lately?’ should be ‘why does she keep on popping in my mind lately?’ ‘She lifted he head up’ should be ‘she lifted her head’ ‘ She looks like was scared, ‘ should be ‘she looks like she is frightened’
There are still some grammatical errors in the latter part of the story but i’m going to let it pass since as i’ve read from the previous chapters, English is not your first language. ^^
Overall enjoyment [9/10]
I really enjoyed your story but i’m giving you a nine because your grammar really turns me off. I’m sorry if i’m being straightforward but i’m saying this so you can improve a lot. When you practice more often you’ll get better and become a great writer. Keep it up! ^^
Total [84/100]
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