Friday, Seoul 22 November 1992 09.30 am

“It’s spring” Kris said after he stepped out of the plane.

Kevin who was in infant carried on Kris’ back tried to see the surrounding. Kris smiled and looked behind.

“Why do you frown?” Kris asked curiously even he knew it was stupid of him. Kevin was holding to his coat tightly. He seemed realize, Kevin was afraid he wasn’t familiar with the airport crowd.

“You’re brave when you were younger. Seems that infant’s guide really guide me then” Kris sighed.

“How about I buy you ice cream later” Kevin tilted his head slightly processed what his father was said nodded his head and clapped happily.

“Ice clim”

“Young man, it’s ice cream. You need to improve your ability to say the think you like the most” Kris amused, Kevin pouted slightly. When his father repeated a word it indicated that he had pronounced it wrong.

“Now how about walk by yourself?” Kevin put brave expression in his face and nodded. Kris put him down and he adjusted Kevin’s slightly wrinkle clothes. They walked slowly side by side, Kevin hold his father’s right hand tightly. They were with the other passengers waited patiently for their luggage. Some of the passengers smiled to them, but Kevin seemed wary and Kris tried to suppress his laugh.

“Baba” Kevin shouted happily and pointed to the some ornaments on the wall.

“We will look closely after we get our luggage. Kay?”

“Ye” Kris didn’t correct him. Kevin still had difficult work to say S properly. Kevin averted gaze to the conveyor. One by one the passenger took their belonged.

“That’s conveyor. Vertical one, they moved the object that was place on their belt” Kevin looked up to his father. Kris seemed understand, he brought Kevin up and walked to the edge of the conveyor.

“In this case of conveyor’s function. The employee put bags and luggage on the belt and deliver them so the owner will get it” Kris randomly took small bag and put it down again. Kevin nodded his head. He watched the conveyor’s move and seemed really fascinated.

Sorry, father. You will kill me if know how stupid your son explains this kind to your grandson.

Kris smiled in amusement. He and his father needed think twice of words when Kevin on      Mr. I – WANT- TO – KNOW – ALL mode.

“Baba” Kevin shook Kris shoulder; he pointed to their luggage.

“We got your T-Knight” Kris announced. He took Kevin’s and his luggage. He called the luggage T-Knight because it’s his father’s idea to have small luggage printed Teutonic Knights with their black cross crest and rode the horses with the Prussia’s flag background on top of it. Of all the knight, warrior, superhero why it must be Teutonic Knights and Prussia?

Oh, not to mention. His father had really eccentric taste for bedtime story. He made his own story with his own purpose. He stated that from early live person needed to learnabout wisdom, hard work, faith, leadership and so on. Kris would let him do what he wanted, he had no objection against it as long as it did good for Kevin.

Kris put their luggage and bag on the trolley. He held Kevin’s hand with his left hand and pushed the trolley with his right one. They made their way out to the exit.

“Kris” Lay shouted and waved to him. Kris smiled when he saw Lay. Kris sensed Kevin’s hold became tighter and looked down to him. He picked him up, when Lay was closer Kevin hid his face in his father chest.

“Is he afraid of me?” Lay asked dumbfound.

“It is infant reaction, Lay. He never saw you before, he feels afraid with new surrounding as well. Don’t worry in no time he will open up to you” Kris said with smirk.

“Open up???” Lay raised his eyebrow.

“Whatever, let go to my apartment. I have prepared anything you ask me for”

“Thank you” Kris said in gratitude.

Lay brought their luggage and placed it in the trunk. He took a look for a second on Kevin’s small luggage. Not like other baby or child that have stuff related to cartoon or superhero they liked, Kevin’s taste was just different or it was Kris who came up with something like that. Lay shrugged and processed himself to the driver’s seat. Kris was in other side with Kevin and building magazine in front of them. Kevin’s eyes lit up every time he looked to the pictures of the building.

“That’s really massive building and old” Lay commented while drove.

“Victorian style” Kris said without averted his gaze from the magazine in front of him, his finger pointed to the picture.

Kevin repeated the word that Kris said like church, opera house, hall and also the part of the building like gate, window, garden, and statue.

“I know some friends who has children, but believe me you teach him something odd for his age”

Kris didn’t feel offend by Lay’s words.

“He is The Wu’s” Lay said without wait of Kris respond and rolled his eyes immediately. Kris merely smiled and he ruffled Kevin’s black lock affectionately.

“How is live? I heard from Chanyeol you live in apartment at busy neighborhood”

“Yes, we live in Financial District. Our apartment is kind of 2 floors type. It’s the same neighborhood as my work place, but I guess father wants us to move. Kevin needs new environment, the good one for a child to grow, not the neighborhood that is really crowded and for business only, 24-days activity. That’s what he said”

“You own a penthouse”

“It’s in the top building, you can say that, but I guess it’s not that kind of penthouse in your mind”

Comfortable silence surrounded the rest of the journey. Just Kevin’s excitement every time he flipped the page companied them.

Lay averted his gaze to Kris for a while and saw how his eyes fixed on The Silla Hotel.

“Our wedding was held there”

Kris said out of the blue. Lay was speechless, he didn’t know where this conversation would be going to.

“For the good or the worst” Kris’ voice shook slightly.

“Kris”

“Baba” Kevin and Lay said at same time. Kris blinked and saw Kevin looked up to him like he felt his distress.

“I’m fine, baby” Kris ruffled Kevin’s hair and offered tiny smile to Lay. Lay didn’t want to smile, but he forced one back to Kris.

“Ice clim” Kevin said enthusiastically when his eyes found ice cream parlor while they waited for the traffic light. Lay shook his head and nodded.

“Okay, boy. I’ll bring you to the best place that offered the best ice cream” Lay said in English. Kevin nodded his head and offered his toothy smile.

They stopped at café not far from Lay’s apartment. It’s really cozy place with books collection cover almost one side of the wall. Kris ordered plain coffee and orange juice beside muffin and waffle. Lay ordered strawberry cake and cappuccino. Lay raised an eyebrow when Kris ordered hot water and asked for chocolate ice cream, but for later. He just realized when Kris took a sachet of oatmeal and set of baby’s utensil. The other customers especially woman smiled toward them. Lay offered polite smile, but Kris was too occupied with Kevin.

Kevin ate his oatmeal happily and rather messily. Lay and Kris chatted about today live. Lay observed Kevin when Kris caught him, he shrugged and shipped his cappuccino.

Kris gave Kevin the muffin that he munched slowly, just small part of the muffin. For his age Kevin was well behave and seemed obedient. Kris helped him used the napkin and cleaned crump over his mouth. Kevin muttered thank you to his father.

“Still want ice cream?” Kris asked.

“Baba, ice clim please”

Lay noted Kevin had incredible tummy for food.

“You eat a lot of food” Lay commented.

Kevin looked up from his bowl of ice cream.

“Like food” He said happily. Kris smiled in amusement and Lay chuckled.

“He is hungry after long flight so he can take more than usual” Kris said after gave a spoon of ice cream to Kevin. Kevin shook his head signed he was full after another spoon. Kris was the one who finished all of the food they had ordered.

When they paid the bill, CL, cashier girl who was also Lay’s friend chirped.

“Is that your son, Sir? He is so cute. You take good care of him, your wife must be happy to have you help her” She winked. Lay glared slightly to CL before he waited for Kris reaction.

“Thank you, another father will do the same” Kris said politely and paid for his bill.

CL wanted to ask Lay, but Lay shook his head and mouthed later while he followed Kris outside.

They arrived to Lay’s apartment in silence. Lay brought their luggage to guest room while Kris sat on the couch. When Lay back to the living room, he couldn’t hide his surprise to see Kris smiles. It was different smile with he used to everyone else not even to his parents. Lay was aware that Kris cared of Kevin, but he never observed this close before. Kris was new person since the day Kevin was born. It’s warming sight, but Lay wouldn’t lie that something was lacking. Lay couldn’t blame what CL said back in the café, it was common sight to see family consist of father, mother and children have good time together, mother and children was most common, but a father with toddler in public, it wasn’t sight you could see on day basis.

Lay snapped from his thought when heard giggles from the toddler and chuckled from Kris who was on his back with Kevin sprawled on him like they were playing wrestling.

“Okay… okay… You win, I’m defeated” Kris said between his laughed.

“Yee….” Kevin cheered and clapped his hands.

“Now, get up” Kris said and the toddler nodded his head and moved from his father’s stomach.

Kris sat on the floor and brought Kevin to his lap, not along after he heard Kevin yawned. Lay made his way to the couch and said to Kris to bring Kevin to bedroom. Kris smiled apologetically to Lay and did what Lay said. Kris took seat beside Lay, Lay just changed the programs back and forth, he has no idea what to talk with Kris where he wanted to started the conversation. It was awkward to admit, their friendship was fine, but became stern after last year event.

“Yixing” Kris called his real name and made him averted his gaze from the screen when Kris called him by his given name it’s mean he was serious.

“If you want to talk about the incident at the café it’s no need. It won’t be the first or the last time people say that to me” Kris smiled sincerely.

“Kris, I….” Lay was speechless.

“It’s okay, Lay. I’m okay with it, dude” Kris tried to joke. Lay nodded his head. Silence took place between them. Lay didn’t know what to say or to talk about so he assumed it would be better if he let it be. Kris stood from the couch and walked to the window, Lay looked at his every move. He waited for Kris to say what he has in his mind. They were close enough that Kris could spell anything to him and he would keep that as secret that known just for them.

“Anyway, Can I borrow your car?” Lay raised his eyebrow, but nodded his head and took the key from his jeans pocket. Kris took it gratefully.

“Can you accompany Kevin a while? I won’t take a long time, I will be back immediately before he wakes up” Kris said and stood from the couch.

Lay didn’t know where Kris would go to, but something inside of him told that it related to Sehun.

“You search for her even in this tiny hope” He said after a while. Sad smile graced his lips.

--

Kris drove the car to “their” old house. He parked the car outside. He took the house key from his pocket and opened the door. He walked slowly inside, he froze in his track when he across the living room. He clenched his fist hard enough to hurt his palm with his nails.

The night when Sehun said she wanted divorce, the night where he had almost killed their baby. No, not just the night, maybe before Sehun decided to separate, the reason she took such an action after never voiced out her feeling was Kevin, because she wanted to protect Kevin.

“I almost killed Kevin” He whispered, his tears fall from his eyes. He just let them flowed. No use to wipe the tears, no use to cry, but it was easier to let it once. He wouldn’t cry anymore, he needed to let it go to admit he regretted things he did. He blinked his eyes several times before decided to walk further to the house.

His feet brought him to the dining room, he took a look on the dinner table. The design of the said table was classic and simple just the way he liked. He stopped when he found himself stood in the kitchen. He looked around the kitchen. He opened the cupboard one by one and smiled sadly.

“You have bad taste or no taste at all, the dinnerware, the cups and saucers won’t suit the kitchen or the dinner table” Sehun looked up and smiled to him before put back the one she took liking.

“I’m sorry, Oppa. How about we take that you think suit for our kitchen?” She said still smiling.

“I need to go back to work; I’ll ask a friend of mine to choose for us. She had good taste” She nodded her head.

Kris leaned his back to the kitchen counter. He took his time to take deep breathe before left. He dragged his body to the up stair. He smiled little when he opened the library the place he loved the most after his study room. Maybe just maybe he would treasure the two places, places where he never hurt Sehun or the places he forbid Sehun to come in. He didn’t know anymore what to feel, this house ….. this house. He immediately closed the door before brought himself to their bed room, but something pulled him to other side, to the end of the floor two. He didn’t remember what that room was for.  This room was not familiar to him, as long as he remembered it was unshed.

The room was dark, he could smell dust everywhere. He searched for the light, but he remembered that he didn’t pay anymore so it’s understandable that government cut the electricity to his house. He opened the window to the room. The bright shine greeted him, it’s warm. He smiled to himself and inhaled the fresh air after inhaled dust in the room. When he turned around he was frozen. In the wall was their wedding picture, the picture he used to hate and wouldn’t allow hanging on the wall. He took slow step, closer, he smiled slightly before the picture.

“You have beautiful smile” He whispered while his finger was running along Sehun’s face.

All of my memories keep you near

In silent moments, imagine you’d be here

All of my memories keep you near

Your silent whispers, silent tears

He didn’t remember when the last time he saw the eye smile. Was it 2 years ago, 3 years ago? That time she was 23 years old, 4 years younger than him. The picture was 4 years ago, she was beside him even 2 years living at hell. He turned his head, he couldn’t look at her, not with all of his guilty forced to surface.

He leaned on the wall, but his legs have been given up. He slide to the floor, he brought his legs closer to his chest, when he was children he would hugged his legs easily with both of his hands, but it felt awkward, not he minded it. He couldn’t help to control sobs that left his mouth.

          He tried to calm down, took deep breathe as many as he needed. He wiped his tears with his back hand. After he felt his breathe was steady enough, he looked up and realized he didn’t pay any attention about the surrounding before. It’s studio.

Sehun loves to dance and paint. Once Sehun’s mother ever said when she explained to Kris first time he ate at Sehun’s house before their married. He didn’t paid attention that much, but it’s impolite to ignore someone who talked to you completely. Apparently, she still painted after their married.

He never see her painting, he even never knew she could really painted. Once, he picked her up from dance studio because of his mother told him to. She was quit after became his wife. He didn’t ask why, it was her business after all. He didn’t acknowledge how hard she worked to please him, he didn’t care that she was the one who took care all of house core and refused to get housekeeper or maid, and who he was too reject her request. He laughed bitterly if they had maid, there would be someone who saved her from him.

He draws the curtain to reveal a painting. It was Han River he could say, with blue sky and beautiful view of the long river cross Seoul. He draws another curtain, one by one. At least he found painting that related to their house, a view of the road and garden from the balcony, the front of their house and the balcony itself.

“Do you like this house?” He said to no one. He was the one that designed this house, he was the one who chose the furniture, Kris didn’t knew why his father asked him to design a house and made sure that he was the only one who took the responsibility of the said house. He just said he just want to know Kris’ style and preferences for future advantages for the company. Kris was more than willing to do so, he had the freedom to explore, imagine, and created his own building design without anyone interfere. In the end he realized the house was the gift for his marriage. To think he had spent his time, thought, effort for a girl he didn’t find worthy made him really mad, but in his current situation he would sacrifice his time, thought, effort to come with better design.

He took another breathe to calm himself down, he had breakdown a while ago, and he couldn’t bring himself to do so, he had promise not to let himself drown in guilty, not with Kevin who needed him to be strong. He took a look better to every painting in the room. He didn’t know much about painting, but he was sure Sehun would be great artist if she chose to be one. Kris moved his gaze to another corner of the small studio. His eyes caught art supplies like brush, Artbin storage boxes, palette, painting knives and other supplies he didn’t know the name of that lying on small table not far from a hidden canvas behind a curtain. The painting was somehow bigger than the other painting, he was sure of it. He walked to the painting. It was oil painting, the only one he saw in this studio so far. The other used water color, the dried oil color on the curtain was the sign why he concluded that way. He moved the equipment and chair aside. He didn’t want to knock them down because of little space he had. He widened his eyes after he draws the curtain and took step back, made the equipment fell to the floor. He closed his eyes and moved his right hand slowly to touch the oil painting. He traced it carefully. He didn’t know what to feel, should he be sad, should he be happy, should he shout, should he cry, should he smile, he really didn’t know anymore what to feel right in this place, this time. He didn’t know and he really didn’t know.

He opened his eyes to see himself in their small garden. There he was sitting on the bench beside the three before small pond. He was not alone he was with their baby, Sehun knew it, she knew she would have baby boy. He cuddled the baby boy in his arm, but no Sehun in that portrait. Sehun was nowhere in the portrait. Did she feel it? Did she know that God will take her after their son was born? He caught almost invisible hanzi with green color in the corner of the portrait.

The hanzi of Xi Wang…. Hope…. Is it your hope, Sehun? Is it your hope?

Smile slowly graced his lips.

He closed the curtain of the said painting and he smiled brighter when he saw their wedding picture, her beautiful smile, the memories he would treasure. He would cherish everything God let him to have and this day and this studio would be one of important thing for him. He took a look of the studio once more and closed the door.

          He walked outside the house and locked the door. He spent another minute to just sit on the bench beside the small pond, took a look for the surrounding. Xi Wang…. Her hope is their happiness, smile that graced his and Kevin’s face. He would do everything to make it true.

“I promise you, I’ll take care of him. I promise you” He looked to the sky and whispered while holding Sehun’s wedding band.