Defendere
Amare
27 November 1991. Cold winter wrapped the earth. It was snowy day; coldest day he ever experienced. The day was too cold to bear, too cold to describe. The atmosphere around was horrible, no one has power left to open their mouth to say single word. The snow dropped to the ground completed the sad scene. He could hear people sobbing and whispering how tragic her life ended, how they would miss her, how they felt pity to her husband and their baby. He stood there fight the urge to break into messing sob and shouted, beg to the God to bring her back. He never realized he has this side of weakness in his heart. There in the black casket lay her body, bit by bit he saw it buried to the dirt. It hurt. They pain slowly increased, bleed his heart to the edge. It was too painful to feel, too much to bear. In the end he knew exactly he never imagines being left would be this numb.
People started leaving the cemetery after give their condolences to him. He would nodded and nothing more. He couldn’t grab what they had said toward him, for him their desperate and hopeless words wouldn’t bring her back. He didn’t need their pity; he didn’t deserve any of it. Not when he was the one that took her life.
I can’t live without you
She proved this to him. She couldn’t live without him. He sent her to the end. He never thought her words were sincere and honest. First time she said those words he laughed and told her how silly she was. He felt sick to hear the sentence, other times she said that his respond was I know. No more than that. She knew it all lie; he never knows her words came from deep inside her heart. He was too blind to see sincerity in her words. He tried to close his eyes when found emotions in the brown eyes. Sparkling brown eyes that gave warm aura, the lively and lovely eyes she has but he rip all the emotions and left sad and pain he love to see.
------
She smiled shyly when he came to their hotel room. It was their first night. She wore white gown that wrapped her body perfectly. He loosened his tie and threw it on the floor. He walked to the closet and changed her suit with the casual one he asked his butler to prepare for him. He approached her and stood in front of her. She looked up and smiled to him. Sparkling eyes met his cold one.
“You can have this room for yourself. Don’t wait for me. I won’t come back till the morning. Better close your beautiful mouth or you’ll get something you regret when I know you tell our parents” Kris pecked her lips and left her behind. He knew how hurt she was from her eyes, but she managed to give him smile and nodded her head.
----
“I’m sorry, I was too rough last night” Kris said.
“It’s okay” Sehun smiled and squeezed his hand. Kris pulled his hand away, Sehun just smiled.
“Could you cover your bruises? Pull make up on your face. It’s ugly to see it” Sehun nodded.
---
“…..” Kris shouted.
“What’s going on?” Jessica asked to Kris who barked to her apartment.
“Those good for nothing divorced me” Kris plopped his body to the couch.
“That’s good. What make you unhappy?” Jessica took seat beside him.
“My father is going to kill me when he finds out. Not to mention Sehun has almost 20% share in our company after my father gave it to her. If his father becomes our rival it won’t meant good. Oh Corp. is the biggest company leading on construction and real estate. Wu Corp. is leading in this field at China, but here we are under Oh Corp. not to mention our marriage is the reason why Oh Corp. accept our proposition” Kris massage his temple.
“How about try to relax?” Jessica suggested and attacked his lips. They were about to next step when Kris’ phone rang. Kris pushed Jessica from his body; Chanyeol’s ID appeared on the screen.
“Ignore it” Jessica whined. Kris didn’t answer the phone nor he listen to Jessica. He didn’t need , he needed someone to talk. He came to Lay’s apartment and told him everything.
“Are you crazy? You just leave her after you beat her” Lay shouted and grabbed his coat.
“Crazy? She deserved it” Kris shouted back and grabbed Lay’s shoulder prevented him to run outside.
“Deserved what? Deserve a jerk like you? You said it’s all about business so you have the right to treat her like trash? She raised in good family, well manner, best education and you treat her like a . If it’s all about business she will leave you long time ago. Her family won’t lose anything; her family won’t lose their wealth. Your damn company gets more than their company; they seems don’t care if your company becomes number one in Asia. Hell…. Remember how her father stood by your side when you made the worst decision for our project, he saved you from the rage of your father. For you maybe it’s all about business; but for them you became their son as well. Tell me what Sehun did to you till you did this to her? Tell me good reasons other than “She married me because of business” till she is willingly accept sick treats of yours. She will step out your life long time ago if it’s all about business” Kris stood there for a seconds, he tried to absorb what Lay had said.
“You come with me or not?” Lay said sternly. Kris nodded and they made their way to Kris’ house. Kris frowned when saw the front door jar open. The living room was messed up like he had left before, the vase and the glass scattered near the blood stained the floor. Lay gasped and turned his back to saw Kris.
“The blood…. Kris” Kris looked up and Lay punched him hard.
Kris felt a hand on his shoulder and turned around to see Chanyeol stood behind him holding an umbrella. He didn’t remember how long he stood there.
“Hyung…. We need to go back” Chanyeol said.
“Leave me alone. I need time” Kris said weakly.
“Let her, hyung. You can’t do anything now. Sehun ……..” Chanyeol lost his word. He swallowed hard.
“He needs you” He said finally.
You know where you've sent her
You sure know where you are
You're trying to ease off
But you know you won't get far
And now she's up there
Sings like an angel
But you won’t hear those words
With last glance he left with Chanyeol.
Kris watched Kevin from outside the room, separated by glass window. His son slept peacefully.
“They are beautiful, right?” Kris averted his gaze to man stood beside him. He nodded as agreement.
“They are small, innocent, and fragile. Maybe that’s the reason why we have feeling to protect them beside the reason the baby is our son or our daughter”
“Maybe he is small, innocent, and fragile, but he is the reason for me to still keeps a live” Kris said and made the man looked at him in surprise. The man followed Kris’ gaze to the incubator that had baby wrapped on blue blanket.
“He will be great man someday” Kris just smiled without averted his gaze from his baby.
12th April 1992 Kevin was sleeping in his father arms. Kevin his tumb on his sleep. Kris smiled a bit saw the cute display Kevin showed. Kevin Donorum Wu, that’s his name. Kevin is of Irish and Gaelic origin means handsome beloved, Donorum means the gift on Latin, and Wu as his family name. It was first time Kris brought him to the cemetery. Healthy 4 months baby boy, cute and adorable. Kris wouldn’t admit it, though.
Kris has the hardest life in first month of Kevin’s life. He couldn’t get rid of guilty, nor could he do even in the future, either. He thanked God that Chanyeol and Lay was still by his side even though he knew they were mad and disappointed on him. Sehun didn’t divorce him; Sehun never gives back the document to the lawyer. That’s left Kris as the one has the right to raise Kevin. Chanyeol made Kris promised not to tell Sehun’s parents about the truth. Chanyeol reasoned they will take Kevin if they know what happened to Sehun. They wouldn’t tolerate Kris’ acted even he had changed. Kevin didn’t need another add of parent lost. Kris couldn’t argue more and just nodded, he have no left strength to argue.
Kris wouldn’t cry; how hard life was not the reason to break in the messing sob. No matter how his heart wanted to let out the sadness no way he would admit it. He never destined to show his feeling. But Sehun proved the theory was absolutely wrong. Kris was there holding the basket of beautiful flowers.
You've been walking around in tears
No answers are there to get
You won't ever be the same
Someone cries and you're to blame
Struggling with a fight inside
Sorrow you'll defeat
The picture you see it won't disappear
Not unpleasant dreams or her voice you hear
“I named him Kevin Donorum Wu. I never expected experience such feeling. I never learned how to love and being loved. Concept of love that I knew was got everything I want; it’s totally opposite with what you believe, right? Love for you is give everything to someone you love. In my story I will tell you ‘because somehow, in the most unexpected person, he’d found exactly what needed. He is somebody to love, somebody to protect and to fight for.’ You give me the gift that never I can pay back”
Kris had read Sehun’s letter. Maybe it’s just instinct, maybe it’s just feeling, but she made it clearly it’s a farewell.
“Through you I live. I have life because of you, and you have life because of me. You are the light in my sorrow, you are the reason I can live. You are the best gift I could ever wish. I shall always love you and I shall never leave you. Even you can’t see me; I’ll be your side. Whatever you do, I will stand by you. Whatever you want, I want too. I shall explore the world through you. I shall see the beautiful of life through you. Remember I love you and don’t forget it. I’ll always by your side. My son, my light, my life”
Kevin was 8 months when Kris decided to take job offered on San Francisco. His parents and in-laws didn’t give permission at first, but finally they respected his decision. He was in his office that would be his old office. Someone knocked the door.
“Come in” Kris said while cleaned his desk from all his stuff.
“Need help” Kris looked up to see Chanyeol stood awkwardly. Kris nodded and continued his activities.
“I know I can’t change your mind and I respect your decision, I won’t interfere to it” Kris put the frame he was holding and leaned on the wall nearest.
“What do you want to say Chanyeol?” Chanyeol took deep breathe and saw Kris straight to his eyes. “You have learned from the cruelest way fate may give. You have changed a lot. I ever said I didn’t care about you and with anything that related to you, but now I really care about you and Kevin”
“Chanyeol do you ever heard Sometime you need to lose something so you can open your eyes, how important it in your life. Sometime experience is the cruelest teacher, but you will really learn from it. It’s different for me Chanyeol, Sehun never be someone I loved. Damn…I don’t know what love is. Sehun for me…. She is…..” Kris closed his eyes and shared something he didn’t want really to share with anyone else.
“because somehow, in the most unexpected person, he’d found exactly what needed. somebody to love, somebody to protect and to fight for.’ Kevin Donorum Wu….All Sehun should have had I give to him. All the love Sehun should have had I give to him. I’ll learn how to love, I’ll learn how to protect, I’ll learn how to forgive myself from him. Defendere…. The Guardian…. I’ll be his guardian like his mother be for him” It was silence then. Kris closed his eyes once more before added.
"Chanyeol, thank you" With that Kris continued his activity.
25 July 1992. Chanyeol, Tiffany, his parents and in-laws were there in the airport to bid a goodbye to him. He declined his parents offered to go with him to State. He reassured them he can go by himself, but he couldn’t say it straightforward to Sehun’s mother. He told Sehun’s father about it. Sehun’s mother said it was totally fine, but he needed to make sure everything prepared. He knew she was lying and he felt bad he was the cause of it. He knew she wasn’t okay. She never be okay. Sehun’s mother never mentioned her daughter in front of Kris. She did her best to hide her sadness; she would immediately wipe her tears when tears struggle to flow from her eyes. Sehun inherited her sparkling eyes, the eyes that Kris stole the shine from.
Kris touched Kevin's cheek affectionately.
Defendere.... Means I'll give everything to you. All you want, I want too. All you will do, I will stand by you. Your mother and I will be your defendere. Don't forget we love you and we will always do.
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