it's been days since junsu and his family found out..he agreed to chemo tho he wanted to do it discreetly so no one will know except his family, his doctor and a private nurse...

junsu went back to promoting along side his hyungs tho he managed to avoid them seeing his bruising body..he doesnt even let yoochun touch him intimately saying his tired all the time..he was tired..but its because his body is weakening and the activities is just wearing him out more...

"su...is there something you want to tell me?" jae said in his umma tone as he sat beside junsu one day when the two were alone at the  practice room

"eh? what do you mean yung..?" junsu tried to act as if he doesnt know anything..

"junsu..i know you..you may tried to hide it but i know somethings going on with you..." jae said and junsu just looked at him quietly.. "you're thinner..and i dont mean in a healthy way...your face has shrunk and your clothes look too big for you now..you're even smaller than me now...and this.." jae lifted junsu's shirt revealing the bruises junsu was hiding..

"that..that's nothing..i..i just have sensitive skin.." junsu said quickly pulling his shirt down..

"deny all you want..but this told me the truth...i found it in your room when i was cleanign the whole apartment.." jae said pulling a paper from his pocket..

junsu's eyes widened as he took the paper from jae..it was his results...he shouldve left it in his family's house...

"hyung...please dont tell yoochun..i.." he began to cry..

"su..why didnt you tell me? you know how i hate not knowing when something's wrong with you guys..." jae also began to cry as he hugged junsu..

junsu told jae everything...

"so that's why you are always going home to your family every weekend..junsu ah..next time..tell me everything ok?" jae said..

"yes hyung..but please keep it from the others for now..i..i just ..im not ready to tell them yet..and im afraid yoochun wont handle it well...i just wanna spend time with you guys..spend my last ..years..." junsu said voice fading with his last words..

"they need to know tho su..especially chun..no matter how hard it would be..he deserves to know.."  jae said..

"i know..when im ready hyung,.." junsu sighed..

tvxq's activities were over and they were given a year off..they have worked hard... junsu said he'd stay with his family and visit once in a while and th eother four stayed in their apartment...

"hey chun..." jae sat beside yoochun who was staring at the blank screen of their tv.. "what's up with the long face?"

"hyung..do you know anything about junsu? it..it jsut frustrates me how he tries to avoid me..and now he leaves..does he hate me? did i do something?" yoochun cupped his face and leaned on his knees..

"im sure junsu has an explanation chun..just be patient neh?" jae said carressing yoochun's back..

"i..what if he doesn't love me anymore?:" yoochun uttered sounding as he wa s about to cry...

"chun..dont think that way..im sure junsu loves you.." jae was feelign guilty he cant tell chun everything...but he made a promise to junsu....

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a coughing sound was heard continuously in junsu's room...and junho ran to his brother worriedly..

"junsu ..are you ok?" junho asked..

"neh hyung...im fine..." he answered in between coughs "please hand me my medicine.."

junho quickly got into junsu's drawer and got a bottle of meds and a glass of water..

"hyung..im loosing..my voice.." junsu said in a faint whisper...

"dont talk them..just rest neh? " junho said as he laid his brother down...

junho was in pain..emotionally.he cant stand to see his brother like this...everynight he would cry in his room..he cant bare the thought of loosing his baby brother...his twin..his other half...

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junsu's visit to the apartment became rare...and everyone were worried....

"why is junsu hyung not coming anymore?" changmin pouted as the four had dinner together..

"and the last time he came..did you see how thin and pale he looked? and what's up with those jackets..for christ sake its almost ahundred degrees outside..." yunho commented..

yoochun stayed quiet..somehow he feels something is wrong..something his lover was not telling him..he glanced at his jae hyung only to see the eldest in the verge of tears...

"hyung..are you ok?" he asked jae..

"i..im ok..." jae answered trying to hold back his tears..he cant lie anymore..especially now that he found out junsu was almost loosing his voice completely..unconsciously his tears fell making the other three worry..

"jae?" yunho said as he scooted closer to jae putting his arms around the other...and jae sobbed louder...

"im sorry....im sorry..." he said repeatedly...

"what? why hyung?" changmin asked with a concerened look..

"yoochun ah..im sorry for not telling you..you too yunho and minnie..junsu made me promise..but...he..he's getting worse..." jae said in between sobs,,

"what do you ean getting worse?!" yoochun asked harshly..his holding tight to the edge of the table...he's feeling really abd about somehting..something jae and junsu hid from them..

"junsu..he...he's ...he's dying..."

yunho hugged him tighter and changmin held yoochun's hand..yoochun? he just sat there looking like his soul was just out of his body....

"go rest everyone..tomorrow we willl visit junsu.." yunho instructed...

changmin helped yoochun to their room and stayed with him...

yunho carried jae to theirs and tucked him to bed..as he turned to his own bed jae stopped him..

"stay with me.." he whispered..

yunho laid beside jae who was crying still until he fell asleep in yunho's arms....

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ding,,,,, dong,,,,,,,,

tvxq rang the kim's doorbell and it was opened by a groggy looking mrs kim..well her eyes were puffy red..she looked like she just cried..

"oh boys...." she greeted with a weak smile..

"hi auntie..we came to see junsu.." yunho said..and well mrs kim started to cry again...in panick jae hugged the elder lady and then mr kim came..

"junsu is in the hospital jae..." mr kim said a he helped her wife to the living room...

knowing what happend he quickly said good  bye to the kims and rushed towards the car while yelling to his dongsaengs to hurry up..

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jae ran frantically into the hospital and after asking directions he ran again letting his dongsaengs trail whim without question...then he found the room..junho was sitting outside looking like the sky fell on him..

"junho.." jae uttered letting the other know their here..

"jae hyung..he..junsu..." junho cried in jae's arms...jae carressing his back.."what happened.."

"i..i found him unconscious in the bahroom floor..." junho asnwered...

when the other three arrived they saw the crying junho and well ow the crying jae...yoochun rushed to them..

"what happened?" he asked and junho answered the same thing...when yoochun was about to go into the room junho stopped him..

"yoochun ah..junsu wanted you to have this..." junho handed yoochun an mp3 player...he took it and put it in his pocket and entered the room...

in the room was a sleeping junsu...yoochun walked to him...

he looked thinner..paler..he looked sick..

"wae?! why didnt you tell me junsu yah? dont i mean anything to you anymore?" yoochun cried..."i love you su...i..i can't loose you right now..please..please be ok..please..." he said in a begging voice...he cried for a good half an hour.. the other boys decided to let yoochun stay with junsu for a while alone...

as he sat beside junsu he remembered the mp3 player junho handed him...

he took it out and put the ear phones on before he pushed play on the first recording on the list..

annyeong yoochunnie!!

how are you? you know i  miss you so much...

im sorry i didnt tell you right away..sorry for avoiding you...

but i love you still..you are my one and only...

the doctor said id gradually loose my voice...so idecided to record messages for you everyday so

when im gone you wont forget what i sound like...

so listen to it one day at a time neh?

i love you chunnie!!

yoochun's tears started to flow as he listened to the first recording over and over again...its breaking his heart that junsu was going through this..

"why can't i just be the one to suffer instead of you?" he thought  "Lord..if you'r even listening..please spare my junsu...if not just take me instead..." he cried...."i love you su...i love you....