a/n : will explain suho's plan at the bottom

Sehun sighed as he walked outside on the cold weather of Seoul. He could literally feel the shivering of his bones. Dried tears still stick to his face, the coldness froze them. What was he to do when people judge him? When people judge his work? The thing that he thought was the only thing he was good at was now being judged by the fans (or maybe they weren’t fans), but they were people who watched his performance, who expected so much from him (or maybe not so much), and he let them down.

Am I never going to be good enough for people? Never going to be good enough for the fans? Never going to be good enough for SM? I know I don’t sing that good and I don’t rap as good as Kris hyung or Chanyeol hyung or Zitao hyung or even Jongin. I always thought I was good at dancing, but I thought wrong too.

Another drop of tear forcing to fall his eyes, but it was too cold, too freezing. He wanted someone, anyone to be with him right now to tell him that he was good enough. He wanted someone to hug him and tell him it was all going to be okay, that it was just something that he had to go through. But it hurt so much right now that no matter how he tried to convinced himself, those idea just couldn’t seem to enter his mind. He wanted Zitao, he wanted his favourite hyung. He wanted those big arms around him, those defined chest to offer him comfort and warmth. He wanted Tao to be the one to said the things he wanted to hear. But the person he loved, his Zitao hyung couldn’t be contacted, only Jongin and Chanyeol came to ask about him, and Suho of course because Suho was just simply too kind for heaven’s sake.

It was half past two when he glanced at his watch. He wanted to go home, he wanted to run to Zitao, to tell the older boy all his problems, and his worries. But Zitao seemed distracted lately, maybe because Kris’ fiancée? He thought Zitao didn’t love Kris anymore, he thought Zitao had chosen him over Kris and it was all over. He thought there would be no more sad nights for him and Zitao and they would cuddle every night and kiss them away. He thought with him around, Zitao would no longer feel sad and betrayed by Kris.

“I’m a big big boy, in a big big world

It’s not a big big thing, if you leave me”

He stopped his singing as he saw lights flickering from his and Tao’s room.

“But I do feel that I will miss you much”

Sehun entered the dorm and closed the door slowly. It seemed that everyone had fallen asleep.

Guess nobody cares about me after all.

He continued walking towards the fridge to feed himself with some after-midnight cereal. The sound of cereal grains meeting the bowl ringing in his ears, and he gone in automatic mode to get the milk from the fridge and putting the cereal box back in.

He wanted to cry as he sat to consume his cereal that didn’t seem so inviting to his empty stomach. He felt so alone, so so alone that he was thinking that probably if he had never existed people’s lives would be better. Zitao would happily have a nice relationship with Kris and EXO maybe would be better off without him. His throat itched to scream, it all felt so heavy now. He pushed his cereal bowl away, clutching his sleeves and started sobbing.

“Sehun”

Sehun froze, Zitao’s voice had his head spinning, but he didn’t dare to turn around.

“Sehun”

It was getting closer that he thought maybe he was hallucinating.

“I waited for you to come back”

Silence. Sehun decided it was best to not say anything in his current state.

“Sehun are you mad at me?”

Zitao sat on the chair next to him, Sehun could see his hands came to him through the corners of his eyes, and he backed away.

Zitao widened his eyes.

“Sehun I’m so—“

“Am I…”, Sehun paused, deciding whether it was a right decision to ask Zitao. “…not good enough?”

“What are you talking about, Sehun? Of course you’re—“

Sehun tried to hold in the tears, “Why am I not good enough for anyone, hyung?”

He brought his knees close to his chest and hugged them.

“Why can’t I ever be something that someone wants?”

Zitao waited, for Sehun to finish the things he wanted to say.

“I always knew that I can’t sing, I can’t rap like you or Chanyeol hyung or Kris hyung. But I thought I was good in dancing, I thought that I was at least a close level to Jongin, considering how I’m always chosen. But I realized being chosen didn’t mean I’m good right? I failed.”

Now Sehun was sobbing again, he felt wronged by many people, and he was hoping Zitao wasn’t one of those people.

“You , Sehun”

Zitao’s judging voice hit him in the chest. He was right, Sehun so much that even the person who he thought—

“You to think that you . You are beautiful, you are wonderful, you are perfect. Your dancing is perfect, your rapping is your own style, I’m not that good either, but I kept telling myself that being myself is what makes it perfect. So your own style, is perfect. You didn’t fail, Sehun. Those people…those haters on the Internet? They would always, always trying to find your flaws. But then you have your fans with you, that would always protect you from those haters. You don’t have to worry, because you have people who loves you too.”

Zitao held Sehun’s cheek to make the younger look at him.

“So forget the haters, ‘cause somebody loves you. Because our fans will always protect us, because I will always protect you from them, because you’re more than good enough for me.  More, more so much more.”

Now Zitao’s face was less than an inch from Sehun’s, he could feel his breath hitched. The air was threatening to leave his lungs, because he felt so in love, and maybe ZItao was in love too.

So Sehun smiled, moon-like eyes and all, because he would have his fans to protect him, because he would have Zitao to protect him, to bring his broken pieces together at night, even if Zitao was broken himself.

-----

Zitao woke up, looking down and saw a bundle of cuteness in his arms, which is Sehun. He kissed Sehun’s crown, it seemed to wake the younger up.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you. Your words are like whisper come through.”

Zitao smiled sweetly, and Sehun could see love in his eyes.

“I’m sorry if I can’t be with you every time, I’m sorry if sometimes when you need me the most, I’m not there.”

Now it was Sehun who smiled, “As long as you’re here with me every night. I’m good.”

Zitao laughed and kissed his crown again.

“Please”

Zitao hummed in question.

“Don’t be in love with someone else.”

“I was never in love with someone else.”

-----

Kris shot a glare towards Suho.

“Look man, I don’t know if this plan of yours will make things better or it will make things worse. Zitao is already head over heels over Sehun and Sehun is too. So, if this plan of yours will make things even more awkward between the twelve of us. I will not take part of this even though having Tao back is what I want the most.”

Suho rolled his eyes, “Exactly why you should come with my plan. It will leave Tao confused of his feelings, and then bam you come in!”

“Tell me why my stupid brain is agreeing to your words right now”

Suho sighed, “I’m sorry, Yifan. I can guarantee you it will leave Tao confused, but the result would still be up to him.”

“You said you would do anything for him, it never hurt to try, Yifan.”, Lay added.

“It hurt me a lot of time already, Yixing.”

Lay didn’t continue his words, maybe it wasn’t the right thing to say.

“What’s one more right?”, Kris continued.

“That’s the Wu Yifan I know”, Lay smiled then looked at Suho, which the latter only smiled in return.

“So when should we start?”

“At the right time.”, Suho answered.

“We’ll talk again, Joonmyeon.”, Kris said as he left the living room.

Suho looked at his lover, “Yixing baby, what’s wrong?”

Lay sighed, “I felt like such a traitor.”

“And why is that, sweetheart?”

“I’m the person Sehun trusted and here I am being part of a plan to break his heart.”

“You’re doing the right thing, Xingie.”

“No, Joonie, you don’t understand.”

“It’s about time for him to let Zitao go, Yixing.”

Lay looked away from Suho, “I don’t know. But he’s so in love with Tao, like how I’m in love with you. I don’t know if I can let you go one day, it would hurt more than anything.”

“But there’s Luhan ge still waiting for him, you know baby. My heart’s been aching to see Luhan so worked up over things.”

“I love Luhan ge, Joonie. He’s an amazing friend and I don’t want to shut him out, but you can’t force a person to love someone they’ve never loved.”

“But Sehun and Luhan were together before. I’m pretty Sehun at least has a feeling for Luhan ge”

“I’m so confused right now. I want everyone to be happy and I can’t seem to come up with an answer. It seems like whichever way we tried to help, someone will eventually get hurt.”

Suho tried to process what his lover meant, and he was starting to be in doubt too.

“Especially if we’re bringing someone else in the picture like now, I don’t know what Tao will think. He would feel betrayed and fooled, and what’s the point anyway?”

“So you’re saying you don’t agree to our plan?”

“Personally I don’t. But I know Kris is stupid and he would do anything to get Zitao back. Did you really think this plan through, Suho?”

Suho stayed silence, he really thought the plan through but he never thought about the things Lay was stating to him right now.

“Bringing Mei li in the picture to Tao, telling him that she’s Kris’ fiancée is a very bad idea. Mei li is dead, Joonie, and you know how much it hurts Kris, making this girl to pretend she’s Mei li, do you not know how it would make Kris feel?”

Suho opened his mouth to say something but Lay cut him off again, “You know Kris has to tell Tao the truth one day and if you think this is the right way to tell him, by making this girl pretending she’s Mei li, you’re wrong.”

Lay stood up, “Maybe you should’ve talked to me before calling in this girl to pretend to be Mei li. Because I’m Yifan’s best friend and I’m your lover. Sometimes I think you forget that.”

He turned away from Suho, “Yixing.”

“Don’t try to talk to me until you can come up with something better than this messed up plan.”

a/n:

though it's hard to see tao as the wise type through his full of foolish things characteristics, he's actually a very thoughtful person (some weibo statuses of him shows that he's a wise person), so i think making him the one that comforts sehun is a good thing, plus sehun had been the one comforting while kris was away so i think that's pretty even.

and for those who are confused with suho's plan, i will explain.

so suho planned to make tao confuse his feelings towards kris by bringing kris' dead lover to the picture, mei li died in an accident years ago, and when kris came to canada, he actually wasn't doing anything related to engagement, it was all part of suho's plan from the beginning, and at the early chapter where sehun said he knew what kris was doing when he was canada, sehun got the information from suho. and the girl that's been mentioned as 'mei-li' is an acquaintance of suho and kris who suho asked to pretend to be mei-li. suho expected that tao would realize that he still loves kris, by making him jealous looking at kris and mei-li.

you can see yixing who saw kris through the periods when meili recently died in the past before tao came to be a trainee in sm, clearly doesn't agree to suho's plan. he doesn't want his best friend to be reminded of his sad past. yixing is also confused because sehun also trusted him to help his feelings towards (as mentioned in the past chapter where sehun only told yixing about his secret relationship with tao)

i hope that clears up a few things, if you still have questions, please don't hesitate to ask.

and i would like you to comment, subscribe and upvote? i gave a lot for this story and i hope you guys would help me with sending me feedbacks about my writing.

i'm going on vacation w/ my girlfriend tomorrow, so i won't be updating until after christmas.

merry christmas, have a great end of the year :)

21bangsfangirl