(Every Single Step)

Title: 2/5

Although I did understand where the title was based off, it didn’t really find it that significant to the story. The main plot was Kai’s obsession, but the title describes his support for Sunggyu. Now, think about this way; if you take Sunggyu out of the picture and leave it with just Kai and his obsession, the title doesn’t fit the story. The title should be flexible and should relate to the main idea of the story with or without Sunggyu.

Foreword/Description: 7/10

I thought the short description was perfect. It was simple, yet attention-grabbing. It gave a little hint of what the story could be about, but then if you read the rest of the story it is completely different from what the readers thought it would be. It was misleading in a good way, since it still made sense despite the sudden turn of events. As for the foreword, I like how you wrote it, but I think you shouldn’t have done it in her point of view. First of all, IU’s thoughts weren’t even significantly relevant in the story itself; it was all about Kai and Sunggyu, and only later did IU appear. Even then, I did not encounter a part of the story where we read through IU’s thoughts. Aside from that, everything was okay.

Appearance: 5/5

I had no problems with the appearance whatsoever.

Plot: 20/20

I’ve encountered countless of stories with this kind of genre; a character having an extreme obsession or wanting over another character. All of which have different endings and transitioning techniques, yet this stuck to me the most.  You proved me wrong when I thought this would just be another obsession-centered story. Nice job!

Mechanics: 18/20

There were not much mistakes regarding the mechanics in your story, so I’ve pointed some of them down below. Your usage of punctuation is good, but you’re using colons too much. It is important to explore other ways to construct your sentences, as this will actually show your broad knowledge of the English language and also improve your grammar as a whole. Some sentences, you could have just used a period rather than a colon. Remember that in most cases, simplicity is better.

Here are some of your mistakes:

Error:

And you are half of it, as you used to be on those moments I thought I had forgotten.

Correct:

And you are half of it, as you used to be in those moments I thought I had forgotten.

Error:

It is too late: far too late. I do not even know if you took note of my unveiling as this creature: IU. I, still with you.

Like I said earlier, you use colons a lot, but do consider using different punctuations that can replace the colon.  Don’t get me wrong, using a colon is fine, but personally, I think it is much more pleasurable to read if there is variety. Also, this part: “I, still with you.” It confused me. It is much better if you get rid of the comma and say, “I am still with you.”

Correct:

It is too late—far too late. I do not even know if you took note of my unveiling as this creature; IU. I am still with you.

Error:

“That’s not even her song, Hyung,”

Correct:

“That’s not even her song, hyung,”

Error:

“That’s alright, Oppa. You’ll be back soon anyway.”

Correct:

“That’s alright, oppa. You’ll be back soon anyway.”

Honorifics are not to be capitalized, unless it is the first word of your sentence.

Characterization: 20/20

I like how you made Kai appear as someone who is just forced to follow Sunggyu and stand by him as he does his thing, but in the end, he became so much more than that. You depicted that excellently, as well as Sunggyu who we later find out is his subconscious/imaginary friend. Good job.

Flow/Style: 15/15

There were no problems with the flow. You described the emotions in a way that fit the mood of the story. You write well, and I applaud you for that.

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5

Although I’m not a big fan of angst, I enjoyed it! The unexpected turn of events really did shock me, and I think that is an important factor in stories like this. Keep it up!

Total: 91/100