(Bus Stop)

Title: 5/5

It was short, capitalized right, and fit the story well. I had no problems with it.

Foreword/Description: 10/10

The quote is perfectly related to the story, as well as the description. Readers will get the whole concept of the story, but would still wonder what it is that’s pulling her back from approaching the girl.

Appearance: 5/5

I had no problems with the appearance whatsoever.

Plot: 19/20

Unfortunately, I cannot give you a perfect mark on this since I have encountered countless of stories with this kind of theme, but I do give you props for writing this in a way that it should be written; light-hearted with a tinge of bitter-sweetness.

Mechanics: 18/20

I noticed that you repeat words and phrases a lot. Although it is not a big issue, it can be quite distracting especially if the repeated words are in the same paragraph or came right after the sentence where you used it. I suggest you refer to a thesaurus and replace them with other simpler words that would suit your sentences properly.

For the most part, there were no major mistakes except for this:

Error:

Going for it would be to mainstream, would it not?

Correct:

Going for it would be too mainstream, would it not?

Characterization: 20/20

At first, I didn’t understand why this person won’t approach the girl already, until I finally read the end. She was afraid and insecure, things that a person with a serious disability like deafness would feel. After learning why she was how she was, I finally understood. It was sad and pitiful how this thing she had held her back from doing what she wanted, but when she finally approached her, it gives you this sense of hope that it can still be possible. You projected that well by writing out the emotions in a manner that supported the character’s conflict. Good job.

Flow/Style: 14/15

I like how you gradually lead us throughout the story wondering why this person was so hesitant to approach the girl until we finally find out the reason behind it. There were just some cases where I had to re-read a sentence or paragraph because the way you constructed it was awkward.

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5

Sadly, I’m not a big fan of Yuri, but I absolutely enjoyed reading this one-shot. There were no major mistakes, and it was easy to read and understand. Great job!

Total: 95/100