Not Fate, but Destiny by HandsomePaul
Shark & Elephant Review Shop [HIATUS]
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(Not Fate, but Destiny)
author: handsomepaul
character/s: daehyun, you
genre/s: romance, fluff
reviewer: shark
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Title: 3/5
Technically, ‘fate’ and ‘destiny’ have the same meaning, thus, the title of your fic makes no sense. Unless your perspective of the terms ‘fate’ and ‘destiny’ are different, I suggest changing your title.
Forward and Description: 6/10
First off, I strongly dislike colored text. Colored text is my number one fanfic peeve. Honestly, if I wasn’t reviewing for constructive criticism, I would’ve given you a flat zero for your description/forward because of your yellow text highlighted in blue. Please, please, do not color text, under any unnecessary circumstances. If you color text to emphasize words, use italics instead.
On your description, why do you not capitalize? Capitalization is a must, unless you want to be looked upon as an unprofessional writer. Please capitalize the beginning of each stanza and use commas and the end of the first three stanzas.
Your forward should look like:
It was fate to meet you,
It was fate to befriend you,
It was fate to love you,
But it was destiny to be with you.
Again, the terms ‘fate’ and ‘destiny’ mean the same thing so your forward feels a bit off.
On your forward, it is the exact same as your description, only formatted differently. The forward is supposed to reveal an excerpt of what is to come in the fic, like a sneak peek. You should take advantage of the forward, use it to catch reader’s eyes and make them want to read more. I suggest changing the forward, maybe add a snippet of dialogue from one of Daehyun and Mirae’s fights? It will make the reader wonder, ‘Why the hell do these two hate each other so much?’
Oh goodness, you have a character chart. Honestly, I think character charts are for author’s who can’t define characters' personas through their writing, so they have to make charts for the reader to understand. I won’t judge your character chart because there shouldn’t be character charts in fics in the first place, but I strongly suggest you get rid of it.
Hun, you have a section for plot, too? Erase it, please. First off, it has colored text and uses numerals when in writing you should use numbers in written format. Second it has symbols, the parenthesis and heart, which are used in the wrong context. Third, you shouldn’t have a section for plot because you don’t want to spoil the plot. And last, it doesn’t make sense:
1 girl.
1 boy.
2 souls fated to love (♥)…
But the question is.
Will destiny allow?
For the third time, ‘fate’ and ‘destiny’ mean the same thing, so it doesn’t make sense to ask if destiny will allow when the two are already fated to love. If you insist on keeping the plot section and using the terms ‘fate’ and ‘destiny’, I suggest changing it to:
One girl
One boy
Two souls fated to love
But the question is,
Will destiny allow?
Appearance: 4/5
Appearance is fine, except for the colored text. I’m fine with your use of colored text for author’s notes, but not for the description/forward.
Also, please try to find another way to indicate Daehyun’s “mind wander” in chapter 5, because the way you formatted it is bothering me. Perhaps, italicize Daehyun’s thoughts and add space between reality and Daehyun’s thoughts to emphasize that Daehyun is thinking. After all, you use italics to emphasize thinking already.
Plot: 17/20
Your plot is way too common. Nothing in particular is wrong with your fic, except the fact that it is overused.
Mechanics: 19/20
Nothing wrong, just please capitalize the first letter of the stanzas and the name ‘Jung Daehyun’ in your description.
Characterization: 20/20
Your main characters are developed well, and they follow their roles and personalities consistently. I honestly think the use of your character chart is unnecessary, you managed to develop the character’s personas through your fic quite nicely.
Flow/Style: 14/15
I felt that Mirae’s kidnapping was too sudden. There was no hint that she was going to be kidnapped before, so the kidnapping felt out of place, almost random even. Other than that, the flow is fine. Just make sure to keep your fic running smoothly, and don’t transition Daehyun and Mirae’s hate to love too suddenly.
Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
Fluff is one of Elephant and my least favorite genres, so sorry for the 3/5.
Total: 86/100
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