Everybody’s all hyped about Yongguk's birthday.
Junhong isn't.
He feels defeated in a way and the happy vibes all around him don't really fit his mood.
It's just numbers.
Junhong really tires hard to keep that in mind when he hears the others cheering and clapping and he forces himself to laugh along when Himchan smears a piece of cake onto the leader’s cheek.
It's nothing but numbers, it means nothing at all.
Yongguk's eyes search for his and he's got a hard time holding the elders gaze and smiling bright and happily.
The leader doesn't notice the riot in his head.
It stings when Youngjae throws his arm around the eldest shoulders and addresses him as "old-man".
It's a reminder on their ; it's a bright red warning sign that reminds him of his place.
He forces his lips to keep the smile up even though it doesn't reach his eyes.
It's not like back when they celebrated his birthday, that time he'd laughed whole heartedly, had liked the cheers and laughter and the way Yongguk had patted his back proudly.
This time it is painful to see their displayed so openly when he tried so hard to make up for it, to cover it so Yongguk won't think of it too much.
Today he's reminded, of the numbers and all the reasons why it will always be a -No- between them.
Junhong knows Yongguk won't change his mind so he doesn't push the matter.
It's not just numbers to the leader; it's a reminder of his morals, rules and believes.
Junhong's feelings for the elder simply don't fit in there.
It's not just numbers, it's an insuperable gap.