“So,” I began once I shut my door.  He flopped down at my rolling desk chair and spun completely around once.  I sat cross legged on my bed.  “I-I’ve been wanting to thank you.  I got the EP you had your manager drop off at my house.  It was, like, a week before it’s actual release, right?  That was pretty cool.  Made me feel totally VIP.  I listen to it all the time, you know.  I love the songs.  There were only three songs, but-but I really like them.  Your voice is amazing.  I’m so excited for you guys to debut on stage.  Me and the girls, you know, we are already planning on going to KBS for the filming of it.  I can’t wait.  We wouldn’t miss it.” 

          I knew I was rambling, but the second I started talking, the panic just took over.  He just couldn’t break up with me!  I really…ugh, heaven help me I’m that girl, I really love him.

          My stuttering and chattering quickened when he stood up and came over to me.  He took me by the hand and pulled me to my feet.

          “…and I really can’t wait for you guys to have a concert!  I’ve been dying to go to a concert again since that B-Big Bang concert the girls and I went to a couple y-years ago and this would be way better because you know Block b is my favorite now.  You know I was just kidding about the-the whole TOP thing because you know…oh.”  He wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on my shoulder.  I shut my mouth and clung to him.

          “Why are you babbling on like that?” he asked with a laugh.

          I tightened my hold around him, squeezing my eyes shut.  I lowered my face to his shoulder, I murmured, “You’re here to break up with me, aren’t you?”

          “Break up?” he repeated, pulling back to look, incredulously, at me.

          “Isn’t that why you suddenly wanted to see me?”

          He chuckled and led me back to the bed.  We sat a few feet apart.  I faced him while he stretched his long legs over the side.  His head turned to the side and he looked at me, still chuckling.

          “Suddenly?  I’ve been wanting to see you since that first day the manager moved us into the dorms and told us we were in quarantine until further notice,” he replied.

          That didn’t count.  I needed to hear him say it.  “Are you here to break up with me or not?” I demanded.

          He laughed again and threw a small stuffed rabbit from the end of my bed at me.  “No, I’m not here to break up with you.  We’re going into training and appearance overdrive for a few weeks starting tomorrow.  This was the only time we could all sneak out.”

          I smiled and hugged my knees to my chest.  “Oh, well then.”

          He chewed the inside of his cheek for a second.  “I do need to talk to you though.  Our manager told us about stuff that was coming up.”

          “What do you mean?”

          “We’re about to shoot our first music video and we’re debuting on KBS and we’re doing a radio show and a few other live performances, you know?”  I nodded.  “Well, our manager says things are about to get insane.  He really thinks we’re going to blow up.”

          I grinned.  “He’s right.  Block b is going to be huge.”

          I swear his cheeks turned a light shade of pink.  “That being said, he knows a few of us have girlfriends.  He told us he wasn’t going to control our personal lives, but he made us promise to talk to you girls about it.  He made us swear to secrecy about our relationships.”

          “Of course!  I read all the gossip websites.  Fans are crazy!”

          He pulled his legs underneath himself and faced me.  “You’re ok with being my secret?”

          I cackled.  “I’ll be whatever you want.”  He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.  That wasn’t normal for his smiles.

          “He said a lot of relationships between idols and their girlfriends don’t work out because in the end, the girlfriend can’t handle the pressure.  Fans can be malicious.  They won’t hold back.”

          “But I just want to be with you,” I admitted.  “Sure I’ll probably see red with anger when I catch some of those crazy girls throwing themselves at you, but I can deal.  It’s ok,” I assured him with a wave of my hand.

          He looked unconvinced.  “But, and you know I love you, but you sometimes worry me.”

          I giggled lightheartedly.  “Please don’t worry.  I can be a good secret.  No one will ever know about me!”

          His eyes pulled away from mine and looked down at my comforter.  He was picking at a string sticking out of the stitching.  “I’m kind of scared,” he confessed quietly.  “This is my dream.  I’ve wanted this for forever, but I don’t want it to destroy us.”

          My heart beat a little faster at the tone in his voice.  “Don’t let it then,” I replied with a shrug.  I moved closer and leaned my back against his shoulder.  I felt him rest his head on top of mine.  He sighed.

          “You too,” he said, stretching his arm out to grab my hand on top of the bed.  His fingers curled around mine.  “From what our manager says, it can get pretty intense.  It breaks a lot of people.”  His voice sounded far away and his grip on my hand tightened.  “Do me a favor, ok?”

          I wasn’t sure of my own voice, so I just nodded.  I was abruptly very glad I still had my back to him.  I didn’t want him to see the tears building in my eyes.

          “How you feel about me right now, please just remember that if things begin to spiral out of our control, ok?”

          I nodded again and then pushed away from him to sit facing him again.  I held up my right hand.  “I promise not to forget how much I love you.”  I looked up to the ceiling thoughtfully for a second.  “And I promise not to beat any fan girls up and ruin your image.”

          He laughed.  “I’m going to hold you to that.”

          I arched an eyebrow suggestively.  “You can hold me to anything you’d like, Kim Yu Kwon.”

          It was another couple of weeks before we could see the guys again.  And it was at their debut performance.  Maddie, Amelia, Jordan, and I filed into the arena where they would be performing.  Maddie’s dad got us some killer seats.

          God bless the US ambassador.

          We were right in front of the stage.