A/N: I don’t know if it is my writing or if HyunJoong is just not popular on AFF. This is my favorite story to write for, but it seems to be my least liked one. Hmmmmm, I’m taking a break for finals this coming few weeks and I am going to see what I can do.

EunJi woke up disorientated. It wasn’t her dorm, or any of the Shinhwa boy’s places. It wasn’t SHINee’s dorm. Someone’s arm was draped over her body. She twisted her body to see a face she hadn’t woken up to for a while. She gently moved his body and got up.

She couldn’t completely ignore the ache that was in her chest. She missed waking up to him. She crept into the kitchen and started the rice and made a pot of coffee. Then she went to set out the gift packages she brought under the tree.  

“Hello.” EunJi jumped. She turned around to see a woman standing in the door way.

“Oh, hello.” She bowed, keeping her eyes down. EunJi really wished that HyunJoong was awake at this moment.

“You must be EunJi.” She nodded. “I’m HyunJoong’s mother.”

“Nice to meet you,” She hesitated, EunJi had no clue what HyunJoong had told his mother about her.

“We watched you two together on the TV.” EunJi handed HyunJoong’s mother a cup of coffee.

“Ah really?”

“You two really had some chemistry.” She noticed the look she was receiving.

“Well your son is a great actor. Our chemistry came from that.” His mother just hummed as she started taking out the breakfast food. “Do you need help?”

He woke up and felt empty. He looked next to him. He swore he had fallen asleep next to EunJi. He breathed in the scent on the pillow next to him. EunJi was definitely there. He heard chatting coming from the kitchen.

HyunJoong shuffled into the kitchen to see his mother and EunJi cooking together. It looked natural. EunJi’s laugh caught his attention.

“He really did that?!”

“What are you telling her mom?” His arms encircled his mom’s waist, resting his head on her shoulder.

“Yah! Get off. Go wake your father and brother.” His mother wacked him with her wooden spoon. Fleeing from the kitchen he grumbled as he kicked his brother and shook his father awake.

For the first time in his life he wanted to get back into the kitchen. He feared what his mother would be telling her about him. When he walked back into the kitchen he saw EunJi alone stirring a pot on the stove. He has a flash of what his future could have been. She turned, almost in slow motion,  to turn to look at him.

“Breakfast is ready; your mom is setting the table.” A nod escaped him. She shooed him with her hand. “Always so uncoordinated in the morning” She teased as she pushed him towards the table, pot in hand.

He sat down at the table, still staring at EunJi.

“I don’t think I have met you before.” His father said after a new minutes of eating.

“Ah, no sir. I’m Lee EunJi. It is nice to meet you.”

“What is your relationship with my son?” He almost choked as he heard his father’s question.

“Ah, I am a co-worker of your son. He invited me for Christmas because he knew that I would be alone. You see sir, my parents are in America.” She didn’t even flinch at the question.

“What do you think of his girlfriend Lee Hyori?” He saw her pale slightly at the question.

“I think he is extremely lucky to have such an amazing girlfriend as Hyori….” She was interrupted by his brother.

“I watched your interview; you used my brother to gain fame. You even hurt his career. How can you even look at him without feeling guilty?” HyunJoong looked down. It was more as if he was guilty every time he saw her.

“Hyung, please….”

“No it’s okay. I am so sorry if my actions hurt him or you all, his family. I did what I thought was best at the time, and hopefully will work hard to reverse the damage I have done. We are co-workers and hopefully friends again someday.” EunJi was looking his brother straight in the eye. He was proud of how she had handled herself in front of his family, but also shame that his family was grilling her. It was more questions than they had asked Hyori. He ate in silence watched EunJi talk with his family.

EunJi got up and helped his mother clear the table.

“Son,” HyunJoong looked up at his father. His father just nodded at him. “She is strong woman.”

“I know.” The strangled sound came from his throat.

“Whoever she will be with someday will be lucky.” The conversation ended but his brother kept looking at him.

“Are we ready to open presents?” His mother re-entered the room with EunJi. They all went to sit near the tree. His brother was dividing the presents into piles.

He watched as she took out a ‘stocking.’ His family hadn’t done stocking gifts since he had been little. She opened the small gifts that where inside, setting them down. He watching so intently he had forgotten to open his presents until his brother elbowed him in the ribs.

“Ah, EunJi I love it.” His mother’s voice made him look up. It was a picture frame with pictures of him and of his mother together.

“I looked through his pictures once and realized that none of them were framed, so I thought you might like it.”

His father was admiring a pen that came from EunJi, while his brother was holding tickets to a baseball game. He shook his head, EunJi had bewitched his family. She was ignorant of it, and was looking through her gifts.

“Who sent these?” He had never seen presents before he left all those years before.

“My parents.”

“Have they done this every year?” She looked at him.

“Yes. I don’t put them out until Christmas eve.” Suddenly he could feel his family’s eyes on him and her.

“I see.”

Her parents had sent her all kinds of presents. He looked around for his from her. It was in the same wrapping paper that his family had had. He tore at the paper until it opened up. There was letter inside the box that he slipped into his pocket.

“What did you get?” He looked in the box to see a guitar pick with the symbol pi on it. This was attached to a chain.

[flashback]

“UGH!” EunJi threw down her mathbook.

“What’s wrong?” He was sitting on the couch playing with his new guitar. He would look time to time to see EunJi spread out on the floor with her textbooks.

“Calculus.”

“What are you working on?” He set his guitar and laid next to her.

“The chain rule, I am getting confused on how the Tangent is working within the equation.” She sighed. Looking over her shoulder he scratched out the numbers and took the calculator. He looked over at her face and was agape. “How…”

He shrugged and put the pencil now.

“You are a closeted math genius. I hate you. Help me with this one too!” He laughed looking down at her textbook again.

After a math session where EunJi just gaped at him as he showed her the properties of the equation she asked the question that she had been dying to ask.

“Hyun,”

“Hmmmmmm,”

“Why are you a musician when you are a mathematical genius?” She lay on her back looking up at him.

“I love music.” She hummed her approval.

“You shouldn’t forget though you are more than music. You are also math…” She rolled back onto her stomach to look at him. “I learn new things about you every day…”

 [Present]

“Just a guitar pick.” He pocketed it.

“EunJi, we are sorry, we didn’t know you were coming so we didn’t get you anything.” His mother was apologizing.

“Ah, no need, your family just allowing me to be here is a present enough. The holidays can get lonely when you aren’t with family.” That was another stab at his heart. All those holidays he left her alone.

His mother was taking EunJi out to grab some last minute ingredients. HyunJoong retreated to his room and took out both the guitar pick and letter.

The letter was worn, not yellowed but not brand new either. He opened the flap of the envelope and took the paper out.

[Hyun,

Happy Christmas! I am writing this way before Christmas so I don’t know if I will be there with you or if it’ll be you and your family…. Sometimes I prepare early so that if things go wrong I will have a fall back plan. It isn’t much, it is a little cheesy. But it is to remind you that you aren’t just what people see. For you not to lose yourself. Even if you are gone a lot and we can’t see each other, like right now, I hope this will remind you of me and who you are! I didn’t put my name on it just in case…]

She had written this before everything happened. He placed the letter down and moved the envelope.  Another piece of paper fell out of the envelope.

[HyunJoong.

You are here to kidnap me. I can only assume you will either kill me or bring me to your parents. I hope it isn’t death. I don’t know why you are doing this. You don’t know how many times those years I wanted to meet them. These gifts I have had wrapped up and in the back of my closet for years. I don’t know why I didn’t get rid of them. I don’t know if your gift is appropriate, but it is what it is. Happy Christmas.]

He held the guitar pick in his hand. Looking at his closely he saw in small writing around the edges there were other things written like ramen, one piece, his dog’s names, SS501, and other information. True to what was in the letter for name didn’t appear anywhere on the pick.

There was knock on the door. EunJi popped her head into the room. “Come help make dinner.” It wasn’t request or a demand. It was a, you-should-do-it-so-you-will kind of voice. He slipped everything under his pillow and followed her out.

“What did you do to get him out here?” His mother chuckled as he followed EunJi into the kitchen like a puppy.

“I asked him to help and he came, why?” She threw him an apron.

“I have never seen him here to help prepare the food, only ever to eat it.” He took the brunt of the jokes. It was a comfortable atmosphere. His brother even came out and sat at the table to talk with them.

Dinner was a continuation of the conversation. She was melding with his family so naturally. She was so loose and open around them. His mother shunned both him and EunJi from cleaning up after dinner.

HyunJoong headed off to his bedroom as EunJi insisted to help clearing the table.

“HyunJoong?” A few minutes she appeared at his door again. “I never imaged your room like this.” She looked around at the football (soccer) posters, guitars and awards on the wall. “But I should, it is very you. Not enough books though…” She took her hair out of the ponytail that it was in; her hair flowed down around her face. That was the last straw. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her down, so that she was sitting on the bed next to him.

“Say my name.” He whispered to her, his lips pressed on the crown of her head.

“HyunJoong….” She pulled away looking up at him questioningly. She was searching why he was doing this to her.

“Not that name, EunJi… Please…” He wanted her to called him Hyun to say it with her accent, how her eyes lit up when she said it. He wanted that one time.

“Hyun, Happy Christmas….” Something pulled at the edges of his soul when he heard that.

“Say it again.” He closed his eyes.

“Hyun…”

“Again,” when he didn’t hear anything he reduced himself to begging. “Please….”

“Hyun.” “Hyun.”  “Hyun.” Yes that was what he wanted to hear. He wanted it badly.

“Again.” He heard a sigh. A hand was raking their fingers in his hair. It was as if they were back on his couch, his head on her lap. “Again.” He insisted on hearing it again, as much as she would say it.

“Hyun…”

“Don’t stop. Please.” He kept his eyes firmly closed, if he opened his eyes she would move away.

“Hyun, please don’t keep making me do this….” His eyes shot open and he looked at her face which was twisted in pain. “Don’t make me, please.” He leaned forward ready to touch her face to bring her into his arms. To hold her.

“EunJi…” But she stopped him.

“Happy Christmas. Your father said he would take me back to the dorm. Thank you HyunJoong. I loved meeting your family. I can see that Hyori will be gaining a great family-in-law.” She stood up and walking to the door. She lingered there for a second before turning and walking away.

He sat there as he heard EunJi say goodbye to his family. His mother was going on about how she would have to visit again. The door closed and the house was quiet. Her energy that she had brought with her had disappeared. The house was quiet.

The next thing that registered in his mind was the door of his room opening. His father was standing in front of him.

“HyunJoong.” He looked up at his father. “Why?” That was the questioned he had been asking himself all day.

“What?” His father sat down across form him.

“Why did you bring her here?”

“I don’t know.” He was being truthful. He had no idea.

“What happen.” His father wasn’t asking if something had happened, but what had happened. Was it that obvious?

“I broke her.” He felt his father’s gaze intensify.

“Did you,”

“No” shouted HyunJoong. “I did not force her or even…..I didn’t touch her. Ever.” His voice faded.

“Then what was said in the interview…”

“Was lies. She covered for me.” This was the longest and most heartfelt conversation he had ever had with his father.

“What does Hyori have that EunJi doesn’t?”

“Do you really like EunJi that much more than Hyori? Can’t you accept who I picked?!” Rage was bubbling in his chest.

“Have you accepted who you picked?” His father put a hand on his shoulder. “One last question son, why didn’t you run after her?” He didn’t wait for an answer before leaving HyunJoong with his thoughts.

Was running after her even an option now? He sat in the dark until somehow he fell asleep.