*Seung-hyun

I look out through the window from my room at 8AM, seeing a mass of students and teachers gathering for the field trip and waiting eagerly for the buses to arrive. I spot Young-bae and Mina together, hugging. Although, it appears that Mina is tensed about it. A few minutes later, the buses arrive and everyone aboards. Young-bae plants a kiss on Mina's cheek and holds her hand tightly just for a quick second, but long enough for me to see it. I can really see that Mina is uncomfortable with it. The buses leave the campus and accelerates down the road and Mina heads to the dorm, on her bracelet nervously, obviously being troubled. These past few weeks have been strange. Ever since Mina started this school, I get a complete blackout at random times and I don't remember anything during those days. I just felt that I had... f-feelings.... and actually c-cared. What do I do during those blackouts?

Feeling a bit apprehensive, I grab my newly borrowed book and start reading on my bed. After 10 minutes, my vision suddenly blurs and my head starts to spin, feeling dizzy and faint, I get captured by darkness and silence.

***

I wake up and start blinking and rubbing my eyes. I look at my clock, seeing it's 15.15. I quickly get out of bed, grab my things and run off to the library. How could I forget about Mina? She must be furious. I arrive at the library but quickly stop midway into the entrance. I immediately run to the school café and order one white hot chocolate and a blueberry muffin. Exiting the café, I hurry to the library and head up the stairs.

I open the door and go to Mina's usual place, near the aquarium. I see her resting her head on her arms on the table.

''Mina!'' I call out. She looks up, grimacing. I hand her the beverage and muffin, I smile apologetically.

''You're 20 minutes late,'' she says discouragedly, and starts to nibble on the muffin. ''But I'll forgive you since you brought me these,'' she gestures.

''Thanks. Now, let's start about the American Revolution, shall we?'' I say. She nods eagerly and sips from the hot beverage.

***

Wow! I never knew history would be this fun, I've really learned a lot!'' Mina says gratefully. I give her a benevolent smile. Silence.

''Can I ask you something?'' Mina says seriously after a while.

''Shoot.'' I say.

Mina bites her lower lip for a while and manages to ask the question; ''Why is it that, you tend to be hard-hearted and careless at times, even pushing people away from you, and then suddenly you become so caring and actually show feelings?'' she asks worriedly. I don't understand what she means by that and give her a confused look.

''What do you mean? I've never been hard-hearted or careless, nevertheless pushing people away.'' I ask baffled. Mina pulls her eyebrows together, showing a confused look as well.

''Seung-hyun... are you okay?'' Mina asks carefully, observing me like a hawk.

''Yes, of course. Why wouldn't I be?'' I say. Mina falls silent.

''Although... there's something troubling me,'' I admit. Mina looks up, getting cautious optimism.

''I... I always get some sort of a kick to wake up. I sometimes wake up during the afternoon, and I'm not like that, I always wake up during the morning. It feels that I've missed out a whole day, not remembering anything at all. When I try to recollect the memories, they just fade away before I can get hold of them. It feels like a thick cloud is in my head, preventing me to remember about something... important,'' I say, pondering.

''You... really can't remember?'' Mina asks alarmingly. I slowly nod, looking at the aquarium.

''The thing is, I sort of feel careless and hard-hearted before I wake up,'' I say, observing the nemo fish swimming around.

''Seung-hyun... I think you have bipolar disorder,'' she says.

''W-what?'' I stutter, looking back at her.

''You kind of show the symptoms of bipolar disorder,'' she half-whispers. My heart starts beating rapidly.

''Whenever you talk to me, you seem kind and normal, but when I tend to ask you something or turn around to face you again, you disappear, like out of the blue. Considering the fact that when I talk to you, you seem so hard-hearted and you don't show any feelings at all,'' she admits, watching my reaction.

''This can't be true,'' I exhale, being in denial.

''Did something brutal happen to you in your past?'' Mina asks composedly.

''I... don't think so,'' I say.

''Are you sure? Since bipolar disorder is usually caused by stress or if something brutal occured in your past,'' she says. Suddenly I start feeling nauseous, my head slowly starting to spin.

''S...orry, I have to g-go,'' I say, grabbing my things and heading out the exit door.

''Seung-hyun!'' Mina shouts. I can't stop. Run.

I enter my room and rush to the washroom, retching, a lot, but nothing comes out. Tears start building up and rolls down my cheeks. I go to my bed, pushing the books away, making them fall onto the floor. I lay down shivering and still in tears as darkness enfolds me right away.