I want to end this fic at their 'supposed' third anniversary

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Kai POV

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I hated Luhan hyung for endless selfishness he committed during these past years we’re together. With his bright eyes and innocent smile, I was forced not only to have him entered my life but also let him became the center of my affection. Despite looking so beautiful, so delicate, Luhan gave such a strong impression to me that all I could think, all I wanted, and all I craved is him. I’m not only in love, but also crazily obsessed, addicted to him.

Oh, if only I could blame everything to him. But I know his reason to be selfish and entering my personal space. Once when we’ve reached the point of becoming closer-than-friend, he placed his hand on mine and caressed my palm with a careful yet gentle seduction, initiating me to lean close to place a kiss on his lips. We’ve never even kiss on cheeks before, like he usually did to Lay or Xiumin. I was expecting the kiss turned gross to both of us -maybe a bit itchy since I could feel the trace of Luhan hyung’s thin moustache on the corner of his lips- but surprisingly it trapped me in a blissful electric shock running through my veins.

At that time, I know he loved me.

And since then, every time I had to face his selfishness, I will remember how I feel about our first kiss just so I could forget the flaw and love him more than I already was.

When will you go home? – Luhan

My eyes twitched at seeing his text. No, my anger right now wasn’t because of Luhan hyung. It’s not also because he decided to terminate his contract with SM. We’re already talked about it since Kris hyung left. Kris gave us opportunity to make it possible to leave EXO. We loved being EXO. We loved our fans and the fame. It’s just that SM was in chaos and Luhan was worried that we will take the blame from every direction because of Kris. He was strong, but he’s also vulnerable to people’s accusation and he can’t stand getting punished for something that wasn’t his fault.

I’m gonna be late, there’s rehearsal for Gayo Daejun. – Kai

While replying to his text, I remembered the reason he became sick. It started with a series of nightmares which never stopped haunting him every time he closed his eyes, exhausted his mind and body, turning him restless that the only thing that could make him sleep is with pills. Pills he hated so much, it created nausea and dizziness in his awakening. He pleaded me for help, but I’m no healer or doctor. I could only hold him at night and checking his pulse occasionally, in case he met with death in his deep slumber.

I hate SM – Luhan

My mind paused at his reply.

SM, the place where my idol started their journey, the place where my dream lies and the promised land for my talent. They gave me everything from friends and nice acquaintance to Luhan as my beloved one. They gave me fans, appreciator to my hard work. They gave me EXO, the one so close to be called as family. They gave me time and space to prove my capability as main dancer. They gave me freedom to love a man and protect our secret with disguise and denial.

I hate SM too – Kai

No matter what they did to me, it’s all for themselves. It’s not for me. It’s for the money I’ve made with my harsh breath, my wild gaze, my hip , and my sarcastic smile. I’m the face of the group, they told me. Without Kai, there’ll be no EXO. I was shaped, made to be a gentle and shy Jongin who better gesturing love rather than speaking it out, and in the same time, I had to be passionate Kai who sold my soul to devil in exchange to make all those ovaries exploded with the exposure of my lust.

And I hated it cause I enjoyed the two roles. It started eating up the real Kim Jongin who supposed to be calm and gloomy and always under control. Luhan often said, he loved all my personalities but he was the most fond of ‘Kai’ since Kai was a very difficult character to be mimicked. Rather than thinking Kai was y, Luhan thought Kai was the outburst of rage. And rage was something he didn’t have. True he’s not completely a cheerful person, but he can’t unleash such amount of rage. Even when he had to deal with court and mediation with SM, when I was home he will smile and hugged me as he said, ‘welcome back.’

Should I pick you up? ­– Luhan

My jaw hardened. This is one of his selfishness. Sometimes he loved me too much, he forgot this relationship was a secret under thick layers of our dramatic showbiz life.

No one expect you to show up at KBS Building, hyung. – Kai

  My fingers were trembled. Oh, I’d rather to be with him right now, more than anything else, more than to sit here, next to dazed Chen with his fluffy white stuffed doll. But I had to remind him, our relationship was THAT important, I won’t allow any mistake to crash what we’ve been built over three years…

Wait…

Now I remember.

26^th day of this cold month is our third anniversary as lover. Of course he wanted me home as soon as I can. It’s a special night for both of us.

So I texted him again, it started with apology and then followed by a promise to buy him something on my way home to make up with my lateness.

No, it's fine. Just go home safely. - Luhan

I love you - Luhan

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I don't stop running through the cold night until I reached the front gate of a small modern town house. Manager gave everyone six hours for personal matter which included beautiful night -or dawn?- sleep so most members only called home for Christmas and then go straight to bed. Meanwhile, I'm standing here, chilling from the strong wind breeze as I unlocked the gate and went inside the house I've bought with Luhan a year ago.

Through the dimmed hall, I s my gaze around the wall and the simple dark furniture scattered around the house to find the trace of our love story from the handmade decorations, such as a painting of colorful handprints –our handprints- hung above the fireplace, a crafted wall filled with polaroid pics of Luhan’s beauty and my cheesiness in capturing our kisses, our embraces and our entwined hands. A knitted blanket rested at the arm of the couch, ridiculously made from a combination of gray and pink wool thread and next to it, there’s a pillow we always fought to use, it ended smelled like both of us.

“Hey…”

I sat next to a lying body on the couch with a small smile tearing my face and a light tap on the thigh of my lover. Oh, how adorable it was to witness Luhan stirred awake. I’m so lucky to live together with him and saw the endless pureness from the way his eyes fluttered hazily and his mouth pouted cutely, groaning under his breath with slight annoyance from sleepiness. But he’s not pissed or angry, so I tapped and caressed his thigh again while muttering, “I’m home.”

“Finally.” I chuckled when he slowly sat up and stretched his body, “I’m so itchy to screw.”

Behind all those politeness and angelic charm he shared to other people, there’s a straightforwardly mature Luhan, who stared at me gleamingly after a few blinks erased the sleep from his eyes. He always said what he wanted and demanded me to trust him enough to be honest with my feeling. And I also loved this character of him just like he accepted all my facades and adored the real me. “I’m tired.” I told him, “Will you do me?”

His eyes narrowed, but from the low chuckle escaped his lips, I knew he was interested with my offer, “this is the ten times this month you asked me to top. Are you just lazy or is my body isn’t worth worshipped by you anymore, now I’m stopped wearing thick layers of make-up and let my skin aging?” He accused me with such a low yet seducing whisper, I couldn’t help but laughed along with him as I leaned onto him and rested my head to his neck.

“I missed you on stage. As much as I loved your decision to stop showing your ‘invisible’ abs towards those crazy fans, I also missed the time we hung together as ‘friend’.” I felt his hand s around my back and with that I closed my eyes, remembered every stage when we can openly be this close because Tony Tesla helped us to with choreography. It was hard for Luhan to lift me up. But the act itself already rushed excitement to both of us, cause here we are, proudly presented our love worldwide yet no one judged us wrongly. Everyone cheered for us. Everyone loved us.

“My abs ain’t invisible.” He sighed.

I don’t answer, only widened my smile into a sheepish grin, which was ended by my cheek being pinched by him.

“Do me, Luhan.” I pecked his ear and shuddered at the slight tremble from his body. He let out a breathless gasp as he motioned me to lay on the pillow, while he my jacket and lifted up my shirt and unbuckled my belt and pulled down my pants along with my boxer, left the most important part of me standing out proudly, waiting for harassment in a lustful anticipation. He shifted to sit on my legs, paralyzed me from the weight and the predatory gaze he cast upon my hardness before he fondled  me in between his long and thin fingers, grazing the sensitive skin expertly since he knew I’ll be soon losing my breath and becoming hard and harder from his ministration.

“You became spoiled.” He rose his hips and pulled down his pants. I watched him get undressed and when I gave his balls a few brushes in appreciation, he slapped my hand and warned me with his glare. “Don’t play around.”

“I’m not.” I cupped his crotch, “I loved your balls.”

 “I know.” He straddled me and positioned his back right on the top of my , “you love everything of me-…” his voice stopped abruptly, just like my body tensed at the stretching sensation he got from my intrusion and his tightness welcomed me to fill his rear passage. He was prepared for this, from the slick and smooth entering, but it still escaping moan from our throat which won’t end until I’m seated deep inside him. He breathed, we both breathed in rhythm before his hand grasped my shoulder and his lips smashed violently on mine, our teeth clashed and our jaws forced opened to fit our hungry tongues in the center of the battle.

“Jongin…” he whined with my name when we finally broke the dirty kiss and left the trail of connected saliva in between our moisted lips, "Jongin..." he called me again to give the sign, before he fought the gravity and began slamming  his hips down to swallow and buried me into the hilt.

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“So it has been three years…”

I turned at Sehun who was sitting next to me in this beauty salon to fix our hair and make-up for the performance in KBS. He was streaming a video from internet and when I bended a little to take a peek, it’s the teaser of Time Control which I performed together with Luhan. It came out in the same day when we’re officially dating and even though fans didn’t know this truth, they seemed celebrated our anniversary as EXO couple. Even today, some of our shippers expressed their grief for Luhan and their sympathy for me and this sinking ship named ‘KaiLu’ which only have a very short ‘life’.

They thought it’s impossible for us to see each other again.

I think it’s better if they thought that way.

“It’s amazing to think you can come this far with Luhan hyung.” Sehun turned at me, eyes always gazing emptily and voice always sounded out flatly, like he’s not interested in anything aside being a frowning doll and rejected any sentimental influence such as love and hurt. He was the best friend people should have. He was always there to make Luhan comfortable. He always there to make sure Dio didn’t feel lonely. He was there to listen whatever rants Tao might say. He was always standing near me and pat my shoulder or smile when I’m too exhausted to do it. He always concerned with my relationship with Luhan, cause he knew Luhan was very selfish and I’m always easily get hurt. “He really had worst personality among us, well aside Tao. But at least Tao was dumbly cute and a crybaby. I’m always weak with crybabies.”

“Well, at least people will stop celebrating from now on.” I returned to see my reflection, “soon, they will stop their desperation to seek the truth and then our couple name will be forgotten.” I saw myself smiling sadly and my hand grasped the armchair a bit hard. I remembered the fresh memories of this morning, when Luhan woke me up by the smell of omelet rice. On the bed, we light a small candle in the middle of plate to celebrate our anniversary and blew it together. It’s that small moment which kept reminding me this is real. Our couple can be nameless. Our moments can be a shadow from the past which got drifted away as new and stronger couples replaced our place in fans’ heart.

However, our love is real.

And that’s enough for both of us to keep this relationship and keep it as secret.

“I don’t think people will forget.” But then Sehun turned and smiled at me, “They might be hurt and they might leave, but nothing could forget something breathtakingly beautiful as your friendship with Luhan. Some might say it’s staging, it’s fake, it’s just fan-service. But to people who was seen the truth from your exchanged gazes, they could see you loved each other whether it’s in brotherly or romance way.” as he said it, his smile widened into a chuckle and I just realized that I’m blushing right now because of his encouraging speech.

“Then, what about you?” I asked him, “What do you believe?”

Sehun eyed his phone again, “I believed SeKai anniversary is coming up next.”

“Uh, you’re right.” I winced uncomfortably due to the upcoming gifts we’ll get from SeKai fansites and how Luhan will throw tantrum the whole day due to jealousy which he’d rather die than admit it. “I think I’m gonna hide his phone so he don’t have to go online. Internet is a bomb of feelings to him. One minute he will laugh, and soon after he’ll yell while trashing around. I’m confused.”

“I told you, he’s crazy.” Sehun snorted while browsing again with his phone, “you just never listen.”

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Thank you for keeping up with this compilation fic!

Never say goodbye to Kailu, ok?