Happy 2nd Anniversary, KaiLu 

*

It’s a cold day in the end of December when he reached the second floor of an empty studio at Yongsan District. Kai opened a grey colored old wooden door and let his gaze s into the decent apartment. It’s not even snowy yet but his heart felt icy at the creepy silent of the air around this place as he walked in, making low sounds from his shoes tapping the hard floor. Every step he took bring in back memories, each of them reminded him of Luhan and his heart shrunk at the complicated feeling he had for the blond haired sunshine.

Luhan is someone he had as friend, someone to share his laugh and grief, someone to protect with his life and someone he loved for all the sakes of goodness in this world. Luhan is a heaven for his lost mind, where he could retreat from this cruel world. Luhan is an angel, perfection in every imperfection the man had. No matter how the beauty loathed about his old age, his wrinkled eyes, his girly face, or his messy hair, nothing enough to made Kai hate him. In fact, when it comes to Luhan, all damned words disappeared from Kai’s mind in exchange of,

Love

Love,

Love,

and,

Mine.

Kai stopped walking in the middle of room. In front of him, huge and tall windows covered mostly the wall, giving him the tiled picture of the winter sky.

He gasped a breath. If only love was just as simply beautiful as nature. If only, being in love means they could be together for they wanted it to. But life had norms, life had religion and life had rules where there’s no place for two men to fall in love. For his rational self, he was agreed with that. Nothing would come good from this kind of love, no marriage, no children, no future, only madness. However, the selfishness in him refused to stop him from being insanely in need of Luhan. He refused to let Luhan go and had a future with woman.

Luhan was his woman, that’s what he kept in mind. That’s what he saw every time he woke up into seeing the angelic figure curled up next to him. ‘Mine’ was in his every breath and ‘yours’ was in his every whisper. This is the only person he needed to keep his heart beating.

If the role of woman is to be the part in a man’s life, then a ‘Luhan’ will be more than any woman to complete ‘Kai’.

  He felt the vibration from his cell. Kai pulled it out from the pocket and brushed his thumb at the picture they took at an advertisement. A small smile appeared on his handsome face, ignoring the phone call from Suho (it’s their day off so he didn’t have obligation to report his whereabouts) and stared at smiling Luhan, wondering if Luhan knew how the summer-like atmosphere fit perfectly with his innocent look. Even though the true self was a bit twisted, Kai can’t help but felt tickled with desire to see the happiness radiating from this beauty.

‘Kai…’

He bit his lip in response.

‘Kai, I’m okay.’

Another fresh memory appeared in his mind. It’s sure not the worst but still sending chills rundown his back spine at the sight of Luhan lying on a bed in the E.R room, tried to suppress the pain he had to struggle in the last season of the year. His face looked feverish and his limbs ached but the smile never left.  

‘Don’t worry about me.’

Luhan was hospitalized due to his flu.

That’s what people say. That’s what their company stated. In fact, Kai pushed Luhan from the stairs at the end of a show. Without blinked, he let Luhan’s exhausted body hit the backstage floor with a loud bam. Cold, was all he felt when he watched everyone gathered around Luhan, tried to make the boy back on the feet again.

Everyone said it was an accident.

While Kai only wanted to disappear into the abyss, at the idea of pushing his lover was the only way to make Luhan rest. He knew it’s dangerous. Luhan might get badly injured from the fall but he didn’t care. For him, even if Luhan lost the limbs and going paralyzed, it’s better than seeing Luhan struggled with his pain on the stage, refused any suggestion of EXO members to take a break.

‘I’m so happy cause it’s December, and I want everyone happy with me.’

“Stupid Lu.”

Kai rubbed his temple while letting out a loud sigh. Here he sat on the floor, his back leaned to the lone wall and face tucked deep into his palms. He stayed mourning his sin, thinking how to tell the truth and how to apologize to Luhan. He did something cruel to a person he loved. No matter how he explain, it won’t change the fact that he hurt Luhan.

“Kai?”

A knock on the open door startled him. Like a life returned into him, make his heart clenched hard and harder, resonance to the soft whisper calling his name. His mouth opened, ready to answer but he stayed silent for a weird reason.

He was scared.

After he gathered the remains of his courage and texted Luhan this address and asked Luhan to come, alone, suddenly he wanted the snow to fall inside here and covered him, from head to toe so he won’t meet Luhan and won’t confess anything and just move on with their lives.

“Hello, Kai? Are you there?”

He looked at the window again. Under the frame across him, there’s a familiar sign drawn on the wall. As the steps of Luhan get closer to where he sat/hide his eyes fixed on the picture. It was a love sign with their initials, drawn by Luhan where they skipped a practice together and stayed overnight in this empty building. It became the promise they made as they curled  in a blanket, watching the starry night in their afterglow. For them love will be the one connected their bodies, their minds, and their hearts.

Because of love, they became one.

A smile reappeared on his face.

“There you are!” Luhan exclaimed in comical way, “I thought you’re not coming!” then, the pouty boy sending him a harsh glare, which only made Kai looked back at him in daze, stunning at Luhan's cheerfulness which could even beat the gloomy day.

 “Are you waiting for long?” Luhan sat close to him, let their shoulders bumped, even going closer by clung to Kai, probably to share their warmth, “I’m sorry but I had to clean my room first, it’s so messy and Baozi can’t stop pointing at every dust like he didn’t share a room with me and make me his personal servant instea-…”

Kai pecked Luhan’s forehead, “it’s okay, now you’re here.” He truly said it from his heart not because he's not in the mood hearing Luhan cute yet annoying rants, “I’m afraid you’ve got trouble on the road.”

“How silly!” Luhan giggled, as the boy tried to grab Kai’s fingers and entwined with his smaller ones, “how could I be so careless and miss the chance to celebrate our 2^nd Anniversary as EXO’s first and the hottest couple?”

“You’re turning so arrogant, hyung.” Kai chuckled darkly, “okay so we’re the first, but not the hottest.”

Luhan snorted, “Pfft, you wouldn’t have any idea ‘bout that! Baozi said our Couple related to any heavy ‘Rated-M’ stuff by our fans. Even I saw it myself, you and I practically well-knowned as representatives of ograph out there.”

“And you were proud of that?!” Kai laughed in confusion. Seriously, are they really that oblivious?!

 Luhan stared at Kai, before the boy leaned his head on Kai’s shoulder and sighed, “Well, not really.” He didn’t say it aloud but Kai knew he was disappointed with the fact that no matter how sweet and fluffy the fantasy about them, it won’t be the same in the real world. No matter how their fans loved their closeness, no one expect them to be lovers behind the scene.

That’s why Kai released Luhan’s finger and wrapped his arms around the skinny back instead, tucked Luhan into his chest. He let Luhan’s hand s around his waist, hugging him tight while those pink lips murmured incoherent sound of bliss.

“Actually I’m very mad.” Kai began.

“At whom?” wrinkles of worry began forming on Luhan’s forehead as the older looked up to see Kai’s face, “at me?” he asked.

Kai smirked, “not at you, love, how could you anger me with all these cuteness and iness mixed together in you,” his low tone made Luhan blushed in red and boiled his already heated skin.

“I’m angry at the world, Luhan.” His smile faltered as his voice turned into a murmur. Luhan stayed silent in his embrace, “I know there’s no place for us, yet I can’t stop being stubborn to keep you as mine just like how I keep tried my best to be yours only. I know we did wrong. Even though I love you, I let you sank together with me and making you have no future.”

There’s no reaction from Luhan, so Kai sighed and hugged Luhan even closer, “well, that’s just my thought, baby.” He smiled and pecked Luhan on the lips, with the bitterness still lingered inside his throat, “I’m sorry, let’s not talk about it anymore…”

“Kai, our love isn’t a burden.”

Luhan whispered gently. The doe eyes still fixed on him, the voice still soft but firm, “if we were sinking, we could always crawled our way out. If we didn’t have future together, then we’ll make one. So, there’s no reason to be angry.” Luhan ended it with an innocent smile, “or afraid.”

Kai grumbled, “I’m not afraid with the future.” He did, he just didn’t want to admit it.

“Yeah, Kim Jongin you’re not.” Luhan giggled at hearing that, “so, are we still had to talk or we cut the cake now?”

“Cake? What cake?" Kai asked in caution, "You bought a cake?”

“Umm, it’s a meatloaf, actually.” Luhan grabbed a box from bakery which resided next to him, “but I bought a candle, in case you want things went a bit dramatic.” Kai sighed in embarrassment at seeing a big and warm meatloaf placed in front of them while Luhan still happily explaining, “and I also brought chili ketchup, so we can write anything on top the meatloaf.” He placed a small bottle of ketchup out of the shopping bag, now looking at Kai with his infamous sparkling gaze,

“What should we write?” Luhan asked.

Kai stared back at him grudgingly, before the younger snatched the bottle and started writing, with Luhan read word per word and get shocked as the beauty read the words again, “‘Let’s have a lot of tonight…’ Kaaaai! How could you write ‘’ on the food?!”

Kai ignored him. The brunette rummaged the box to find a plastic knife and grabbed Luhan’s finger, “okay, so this is our time.” he said, while closing his eyes, “in a second, let’s make a wish before we cut this customized wedding cake.”

He heard Luhan giggling something like ‘Amen’ and he make a short wish, of Luhan’s love. He wished it only for him. It was strange though, how could they become attached to each other by such a simple thing. Love is a cheap expression. He could say it to anyone. But, every time he thought about his love for Luhan, he couldn’t help but smile. Every time he said love, Luhan will squeal no matter how hard the day they had to endure.

“What do you wish for?” Kai asked, after they enjoyed their sliced loaf with hot beverage and their favorite snacks from convenience store. Luhan bought condoms and lube, too, but Kai keep it inside the bag with the damned candle. They could have fun with those after this.

“Oh, will it bring bad luck if I say it?”

Kai bit his bread, “if you don’t say it, I’ll write ‘my ’ on your face.” He said in a calm threat.

Luhan pouted in displease, but the older boy leaned his head on Kai’s shoulder and staring at the sky outside the room, smiling.

“I wish, our love kept us being together.”

Time flew in a silent song. They shared no words then, only exchanging gaze and drawing smile. Maybe for Luhan, this is the best love story  they ever had and only wished the best for the upcoming chapters. However, the honesty just sent Kai into despair even more. He smiled but his heart crying, as he took Luhan’s hand and grabbed it tight, close to his chest.

“Hyung I had something to tell you.”

At a time like this, a second feel like an hour and a minute feel like a year. Like someone had been pranked with the time, Kai’s world turning into slow, torturing motion. He was taking a deep breath to make sure he tell it right, he take a deep breath to gather his strength for the worst to be happening.

“I know.” Luhan muttered.

He lost his breath at the sudden answer.

“I know you pushed me, back then.” Every word strike him hard, faltering the life out of him, “I was shocked, I don’t think you capable of doing it. Then I thought, probably I’ve done something stupid that make you so angry...”

Kai opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Everything was right. Luhan was being stupid and he became so angry because of it.

“I’m sorry.” That’s all he wanted to say yet it only make his chest tightened.

“Well,” Luhan tapped his shoulder, “I’m not angry at you, Kai. I will never be.” he said in a soft tone, “but I won’t forgive you.”

Life is hard, when he had to be with Luhan. But he couldn’t imagine how kind of hell he would face if Luhan think it’s the time to stop this mad love game. That’s why his body stiffened into statue, while his lips whispering in a mourn, “I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” suddenly he wanted to have power. Suddenly he wanted to return back the time so he won’t make this mistake. So he won’t be losing Luhan.

Luhan titled his head, “no, never.”

Kai tucked his head down, feeling the tears forming under his eyes as he said more, “If I hurt you, you can do the same to me.” he knew he was desperate, “you can do anything but leaving me!”

"Kai."

He flinched when suddenly a pair of warm fingers cupped his face, followed by a low whisper from his lover, "I will never leave you."

He looked up, "but you won't forgive me."

Luhan smiled contently, "cause there's nothing to be sorry for." he let their forehead pressed close and their nose touched. Closing his eyes, Luhan said, "I really want to say thank you for snapping me back into the world." so Luhan admitted of himself being stubborn with his wants and being ignorant to his condition.

"But I hurt you." Kai reached each side of Luhan's face while hissing in annoyance, "I don't deserve-..."

Luhan kissed him.

"Luhan-hyu..."

Everytime he tried to dodge and tried to deny the pink flesh, Luhan kept chasing his lips and showering him with kisses until he realized blaming himself won't be working. He gave up, easily, and let Luhan toppled him, engaged him into a deeper kiss.

"Your love is mine, Kai."

Just when Kai was ready to return the attack on Luhan, the beauty harshly pulled out and grumbling in between short breath and swollen lips, "no matter how you hurt me, I won't let you go."

Kai gulped.

His body was on fire, half from the assault, half from the fierce gaze of his lover and his mind turned blank all over, like an idiot he even forget his name and only could spell, 'Luhan' and 'Love' and 'Mine.'

*

How was it???