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{STORY LINK}

Title: 9/10

Oh yes, it definitely did catch my attention. Slave: Betrayal? Even if I hadn't been chosen to review this story, I would definitely click on it! (: However, I would know what it was about without even seeing the tags...usually slave stories on here are about and all that. But, betrayal? That's a new factor. :D So good job! 

Foreword: 10/15 

Alright. So the foreword was: "Imagine meeting someone, and immediately finding a connection with him. Imagine being able to be with him forever, because he belongs to you.Imagine spending years with that person, and finally giving him everything that means anything you to because you trust him. And now, imagine finding out that he cheated on you.Imagine the pain that you now have to go through,because you trusted him with everyone ounce of your soul..." Yes? Personally, I think the "imagine" part is getting a little reptitive, and the word imagine sort of forces the readers to do so...and I highly doubt the readers would picture this in their head...(at least some wouldn't.) However, I love the part where you say "because you trusted him with everyone ounce of your soul." But...the audience can't really connect to this, at least not all of them. And...everyone? That doesn't really make sense...it should be: "With every ounce of your soul" But pretty catchy foreword, I'd say. And the preface...I don't know if it counts as part of the foreword, but I will count it anyways. This aroused my curiousity, and I'm assuming she's about to commit sucicide. 

Overall Look: 4/5 

Yes, the layout was beautiful! (: It really fitted the "angst" theme, so good job on that. However, my only little problem was the background...I never really liked gif backgrounds to start with, because while I'm reading, out of the corner of my eye, I see moving pictures. It really distracts me, to be honest. But the picture and the background corresponded with the theme very well. But...the foreword, the color was red, which I didn't mind so much...but I don't think it's necessary to have such a big font size for it? It sort of away a reader's attention...and also...this applies to the character colors...you should stick with the same color scheme...not jump all over the rainbow! 

Grammar: 27/30 

Wow. I'm dumbfounded. There was barely any grammar mistakes. And if there were, it was just a few minor ones. For example, chapter 14. 

"My heart swoon at his words..." It should be swooned. Sorry, I can't help it. I'm a grammar freak. >.< Also, in the preface. It's not exactly necessary for semi-colons. Semi-colons are used to connect two independent clauses (or two complete sentences) that are of a similiar idea. It's also used to link lengthy clauses  to avoid confusion in between the clauses. 
 

Spelling: 20/20 

WOW. CONGRATULATIONS. No spelling mistakes whatsoever! (At least I couldn't find any.) Enough said. GREATT JOBB (: 

Flow: 13/15 

Nope, there was no choppy sentences whatsoever. Good job. It's just that...(I don't know where to put this since it's not on the rubric, or there's not category for it) but...in the beginning, you shouldn't have Eunhyuk always being called oppa...it gets a little redundant, you know? Besides that, nothing else seemed to bother me. 

Originality: 5/5

Yes, it's true, I have read stories that are somewhat similiar to this. However, your preface with Jessica narrating is a first! (: So you got full points for originality. :D 

Total: 88/100

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Reviewed by: superxbunny99 

(a note from her~heheheh. To be honest, I skimmed through the rated parts..so please forgive me. I'm not a reader (AT ALL), and I can only manage so much of . So...I apologize. Your writing is pretty good, so keep up the good work! Just remember to use semicolons at the right places! (: That's all I can say. I hope I wasn't too harsh...it's my first time reviewing...so...(: thank you once more!) 

got any questions? pm us! remember to credit us in the foreword!