Cursed | YongOppa

seasonallyperfections | a review shop {batch one closed, moving!}

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{STORY LINK}

Title: 7/10

First of all i personally liked the title. It set the mood of the story well, and connected to it instead of being totally random. Cursed is a really powerful word, and it makes people curious as to what the story is going to be about. But then again the title was also very cliche and not very original.

 

Foreword: 12/15

I seriously was amazed by your word choice. It's a fresh way to write that i haven't seem much of. It also told the right amount to leave the readers curious about your story. It didn't give away your entire plot. The only reason i took off points was because of the font, color, ect. For such a nice description all the extra stuff kind of takes away from the effect. That as the only disappointing part.

 

Overall Look: 4/5

I like your poster. It's so pretty and the whole black and white works nicely. But i think that a darker background instead of white would have been better. It would have added to the whole mood, if there was a dark background. Also the font color wasn't a really good choice for a story like this. The goldish color didn't really match.

 

Grammar: 28/30

I was sometimes confused when trying to find your grammar mistakes. At first it seemed as if it was wrong, but the way you wrote it somehow made it make sense. Which is really weird, but i really like the way you write. But i do suggest using less commas. Sometimes i thought the sentences were going to end, but then you added a comma and continued to write. There were also spots where commas were not needed at all.

 

Spelling: 19/20

Here is one tiny mistake that i caught. Or i think it was.

OR: I hear their voices, echoing from the far off mountains and the frost-bright starts.

CR: I hear their voices, echoing from the far off mountains and the frost-bite starts.

 

Flow: 12/15

I think it went by just a little fast. The sentences also were either too long or too short. You should have a some consistency when writing them. Normally i tell people to try and write a variety of sentence lengths. But your the opposite. Also try to stay with some scenes some more. I felt like i need more to understand your story.

 

Originality: 4/5

I think you added a nice twist on the whole 'can i trust him' plot. While reading this i could not tell what would happen next, and i liked that! It was interesting to read this story.

 

Total: 86/100

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Reviewed by: StarlightTango

got any questions? pm us! remember to credit us in the foreword!

 

 

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seasonlyperfections
#seasonallyperfections: changed the password

Comments

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GreenGardenPop
#1
Chapter 23: Thank you so much for the review...
Marianations #2
Chapter 25: Thanks for reviewing :)
CarlyNan916
#4
Chapter 26: Thank you so much for the review! I know the title's a little cliche, but I couldn't think of anything else... I'm happy you liked it and are going to subscribe to the sequel! I'll do my best to make it as good as the first one! Thank you again! ♥ ♥
durian2003 #5
uh... hi~ ^^ *waves* I subscribed in order to make a request but... I can't seem to fill out the form... I need a little assistance... hehe ^^"
crazygurl
#6
Chapter 22: hehe thanks for the review i'll try my best in the future ^^
b2utyful_angel
#7
I requested >.< Can't wait! /giddy/
Marianations #8
Hello again. I came here to inform that I changed the mian poster of the story. The new link is http://i1206.photobucket.com/albums/bb459/Piruletaahh/Imagenu7_zpsc67088f5.png

Sorry for the incovinience, and thank you a lot for your efforts ^^
Marianations #9
Chapter 3: I susbcribed already. I couldn't do it first because it was past 3 AM and I had to sleep. Sorry.
CarlyNan916
#10
I've requested! :D