Shattered Promises | crazygurl
seasonallyperfections | a review shop {batch one closed, moving!}
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Title- 6/10
It’s interesting how you used ‘Shattered Promises’ as your title because usually in some fic there would be this line saying something like I was a shattered promise… or something like that. But on the downside, it kind of gave it away.
Foreword- 14/15
I'm supposed to be happy right?
Is this really what life is about?
Money and Fame?
What happened to Love?
By just reading this, I felt like wanting to read more. Which I did. Four simple lines made me connect.
Overall Look-3/5
The poster looks nice…but can I ask who the guy on the left of Alexa is? To me he kinda looks like Taylor Lauter, the dude from Twilight? If the story is about him or supernatural stuff, which I am sure he isn’t, I have no idea why he is there, unless he is the ‘Taylor’ you mentioned in Kim Shin Yeong’s description… If so, I think you should’ve explained it clearer of who this Taylor’ is.
Grammar-18/30
‘…me from waking up early and having to practice and him?’ It would be ‘I was tired due to waking up early and having to practice but for him, I was not too sure.’ A few more errors were found along the way.
Spelling-12/20
There are quite a lot of spelling errors; e.g ‘dest’ should’ve been ‘desk’, ‘somethings’ should be ‘something’s’, ‘tho’ should’ve been ‘the’ etc.
Flow-12/15
Well… some of the parts were choppy and too rushed, but at times they were okay.
Originality-2/5
There are quite a lot of stories with a girl being in a new girl group, having a idol brother, and somehow falling in love with a member (preferably in the same band as the brother), and having love troubles along the way (Which I’m guessing). Also about living in America, but then moving to South Korea due to a broken heart.
Total: 65/100
I don’t know where to write this but, in Chapter 4, the red and blue didn’t show up. Also to improve your writing, I suggest you re-read over everything you write down and I also suggest you fix the punctuation. Sorry if I was harsh, I’m a perfectionist at times like this.
****
Reviewed by: b2utyful_angel
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