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{STORY LINK}

Title: 5/10

Sailor Girls.....hmm...it sounds like an anime title (Sailor Moon). Personally, it didn’t catch my attention. I would have liked ‘Who Do You Think I Am?’ better....The title makes the story seem childish.

Foreword: 5/15

What will she do better? What is IT? I wouldn’t stay after reading the foreword...there was no plot explanation, and just by reading those quotes, it already seems cliche. As for the description, “Andreya was aware it existed and comprehended its dictionary definition to the extent that she even taught people about it. It was only when it hit her that she finally understood how trecherous and divisive it could be,” it seems like you were trying too hard to add longer words in. It’s good to have a variety of words, but if you fit too many of these into two sentences, it gets confusing, especially when this website doesn’t have a lot of native English speakers.

Overall Look: 3/5

Your poster is nice; congratulations for that. However, your author’s note on the foreword bothered me. I was barely able to see it. Then, your sentence about your poster became visible again. Then, the font got back to the non-existent size. I would suggest that you make the font bigger and consistent. Also, maybe put a background poster? Just a simple pattern would be fine.

Grammar: 28/30

A blonde one continued, “We wanted to make this fan sign a bit different today. Do you guys want to play the anonymous note game?!”

“A blond one continued,” should be a sentence. However, if you decide to put that behind the quote, you can combine the sentences. It’s not really a grammatical error, but it sounds better.

Spelling: 19/20

There were some noticeable spelling mistakes, for example, such as the ones listed below, but otherwise, the spelling was pretty accurate.

trecherous-treacherous

fan sign-fansign

Flow: 10/15

The flow was great for a short story, I’m not so sure about a long one though. I’d say, this story can do on for about 10-15 chapters, if you don’t want the rest of the chapters to be so draggy. The Teen Top members have some sort of attraction to her already. What makes her so different from other fans? I don’t think they would suddenly fall in love with a fan at first sight (especially the girl went to their fansign...not saying that that won’t happen, but still). Maybe spend a few chapters explaining the main character and the teen top members’ personalities.

Originality: 4/5

I read two stories with about the same plot already. You won’t find it in the top subscribed list, but I HAVE seen similar plot lines. Otherwise, it was good.

Total: 74/100

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Reviewed by: musicxdance

got any questions? pm us! remember to credit us in the foreword!