Lay POV

Last night, watching them cuddle like that makes my heart sting. Even though they don’t feel anything for each other. It makes me feel like . Lately Suho has been acting differently. When I talk to him, he acts like his mind is somewhere else. When I want to hug him, he pulls away quickly. He hasn’t given me a kiss since two weeks ago. I’m the only one giving him kisses. That’s only on the cheeks. Because he moves his lips away from me. I want to talk to him about this. But I’m afraid he would just dump me. I can feel it. I can feel us breaking away. No matter how much it hurts my heart; I need to confront Suho about this. But I’m so afraid.

I walked out the room, and glanced at the living see the guys sitting around. Probably waiting for me and Kyungsoo to cook. Not today, I’m not doing anything for anyone anymore. Trying to put a happy face on for everyone is tiring. I went straight to the closet avoiding stares from everyone. I put on some boots and a thin sweater, to avoid the morning cold air. I was zipping my sweater up, when I noticed everyone stopped talking. I turned to look at them, the look confused.

“I’m going out”

“But hyung what about breakfast?”  Baekhyun asked me.

“Make it yourself”

I saw Baekhyun’s eyes widen, and quickly snuggle back with Chanyeol. Chanyeol gave me a pout.  I looked at everyone else, giving them a 'any-other-questions-' look. My eyes went to Suho. He looked like he didn’t care, I felt like breaking down and crying. I breathe in slowly in and out.

“Lay aren’t you going to help me?” Kyungsoo asked me.

I looked at him, giving him a blank look. I wanted to jump on him and punch him. For touching my Suho. For making my Suho grow apart from me. For taking him away from me.

“I’m not helping you, or anyone. DO IT YOUR ING SELVES!”

I yelled that last part. My anger broke. Everyone sat there looking at me shocked. This was the first time they heard my voice get loud. No more hiding my true feelings. No more angels Lay. Yixing is coming out. The real Yixing. I turned around, and quickly made my way out. Walking to god knows where. I just want to be alone... I need to get away from them. All of them..  I want this pain to go away. Quick.

Kai POV

That was shocking. I never heard him yell like that. I saw his eyes. He looked so broken, what happened? He is so happy every time i see him. He is always smiling and laughing. His dimple always showing. Was it an act? What is happening behind his room doors? Is he hurting himself? I always had extra feeling for Yixing. I remember the first time i met him...

  Manager: Jongin this is Yixing. Yixing this is Jongin. You guys will be working together for your teaser.

  The shorter Chinese boy smiled. His dimple showing, a golden glow emitting from his pale skin. Appearance of an angel. I bowed to him, as he shook my hand.       As, we started to practice our dance. I would find myself getting distracted. Watching him dance his parts alone. admiring how he executes sharp and precise     when he is dancing. I felt this fluttering in my stomach. It got worse, when he turned around and gave me a wide smile...

   I slumped back, as I felt that fluttering feel in my stomach again. I bit my lip as I tried to get rid of it. I felt a nudge on my arm, I picked my head up.

“You ok?” Sehun asked me

“No, That feeling Sehun.. Its back”

I saw him look at me concerned. He patted my belly, and then started punching it lightly. I grabbed his wrists, looking at him like he was crazy.

“I was trying to get the feeling away”

“That won’t help. I just have to think”

“Just make sure, who you think is more important. Which feeling is stronger?”

He walked away to Luhan. I slumped my head back. Thinking...Soo will always be stronger. But, lay is slowly overpowering that feeling for my Soo. Wait, is Soo mine? Last night he left me... He didn’t even come back to bed. I looked around to see where he was. Anger started to take over my body. Seeing him with Suho, cuddling. Like they are lovers. Was he with him last night? Is that why Lay is mad? If Kyungsoo and Suho wants to be together. Let them be. I really don’t care for any of them right now. I just need Lay to feel better. 

“Kai what do you want to eat?”

“Nothing”

I stood up and put my sneakers on and a sweater. I was making my way to the door. I looked back to see everyone silent and staring at me. I gave them a blank look right before I made my way through the door. Making my way outside, I stopped and started to think. Where would lay go? Oh yeah, I just remembered that time....

  “You know I love going to rivers.”

  “Why?” I said.

  “It’s the only place; I can let my feelings out without anyone judging me. I feel refreshed after, like my soul was cleaned out.”

  I sat there admiring his words. How pure he really is. We sat there admiring their eyes aglow with the city lights. Feeling the strange feeling in my stomach become stronger. I smile to myself, I kind of like this feeling.

I took a taxi to Han River. After giving that driver an autograph. I hate being an idol, it’s really tiring. I can’t go anywhere without people knowing who I am. I ran down the riverside, only looking for one person. I suddenly stopped, breathing in heavily. Walking to the figure that was sitting on the ground. With his knees brought up to his knees. I quietly sat next to him, copying his body position. I nudged him with my elbow.

“What are you doing here” he asked.

“You know once someone told me that they love going to rivers.” I knew I caught his attention. I felt him looking at me confusingly. I tried hard to not let a smile break on my face. “That person told me that they can let their feelings out without anyone judging them... I believe they felt like their soul was being cleaned out. You want to know why I remember those words.” I looked at him, and I saw his eyes were rimmed with tears. I gave him a warm smile.

“I admire that person. How pure those words are and I wish I can see him again.”

He broke down crying, but with no noise coming out. We didn’t break our eyes away from each other.

“I’m h-here, that person is... is here” he stuttered.

“No, not the Yixing I know. That Yixing never had to hide hid true feelings.”

He jumped onto me, with his arms wrapped around my neck. Sobbing and sniffling. I felt my heart sting a little bit. I hate seeing him like this. It doesn’t suit him. I started to rub little circles on his back. I decided not to say anything, and just to let him cry it out. I bit my lip, trying to hold back my tears. After a while, he pulled back. He returned to the position he was in when I found him. I wrapped my right arm around his shoulders. I pulled him closer, trying to warm him up. It’s a bit cold for that thin sweater he has on.

“I’ll be here for you… Yixing I will help you get through this.”