Title: My Life As A… Daddy?!

Author:  Blah_Missy

Reviewer: x3_strucked

Link:  http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/22952

 

First Impressions

 

Title: 4/5

 

To be honest, this title is quite catchy and humorous. I love the comical language expressed in the title, I can almost hear him saying it out aloud to me. In terms of the meaning, this title represents the plot very simply, we read over it and we know instantly what the story is going to be about. The fact that the title only revealed so much also gives itself an advantage because readers also want suspense when reading a story. The same goes for a title, a reader doesn’t want a title that reveals everything, why write a story if you can just simple write the title? 

 

At first I didn’t really like the title because of its language and appearance. To be honest, I thought the appearance of the title was lacking, it wasn’t very fancy or unique, but it was simple and straightforward and now it’s sort of grown on me and I smile to myself whenever I see it. A funny and catchy title, really like it. 

 

Poster: 3.5/5

 

The poster is really cute, that’s the main selling point of it. We can tell it’s a comedy by the choice of pictures used in the poster, we can also tell what sort of mood your story is heading through by the background and colour of the poster. The thing that I liked about this poster was its simple theme and the choice of the pictures was great. I think the main focus of the poster is really Junhyung and his daughter. 

 

The simpleness of the poster made it quite lacking, it was leaning more towards a character chart then an actual poster. There wasn’t any use of effects or background in the poster to give itself a feel or mood, it was quite plain but yet again it is quite pleasant and simple. One thing that bothered me was the use of shadow reflections of the two characters, I think it sort of ruined the simpleness of the poster. But anyway aside from that, I really liked the poster, we are introduced to the characters instantly and we already feel the mood of this story. And that’s really the main purpose of the poster. 

 

Foreword: 7.5/10

 

In terms of an actual foreword, then I guess yours fills most of the check-lists. 

 

Characters? Check. 

 

Plot Summary? Check. 

 

Preview? Check. 

 

Author’s Note? Check. 

 

However even though your foreword fills all the basic requirements, there was a general lacking of appearance in the foreword. Things such as pictures, background, coloured text, trailers, character charts can all help increase the overall appeal of your foreword. Of course don’t think that people judge your story by your foreword! However if you asked this question to yourself: plain or appealing? Who would you go? 

 

A Closer Look

 

Originality/Creativity: 8.5/10

 

I think this sort of plot is still on the unexplored side of the fanfic region. Or maybe it’s just me because I rarely come across father-daughter fanfics because literally the whole world of fanfics are always dominated by romance and comedy. So in a way, your fanfic is quite an original in my opinion because of its very unused plot. A good thing in a way but it also depends whether this sort of theme takes on an appeal to the reader.

Okay originality wise, this fanfic has an almost original storyline. When we step into terms of the creativity of this story, then I must say that I was genuinely impressed. The one thing that truly sets this story apart from most father-daughter plots is that this story also has the mysterious missing mother. So all rolled into one, there is the main story and focus (father-daughter) and also the suspense leading on to the mother. So really what you have is a story driven by a side-story suspenseful plot and that is nearly always the best way to grab the reader’s attention. Good job! 

 

Flow: 14/15

 

I loved the flow of this story, everything was written really laid back and in a very pleasant pace. Like I had commented before about the suspense of the story, I loved the way you implemented the issue regarding the missing mother. You only left hints and there and that really driven the plot and the suspense and us in general into reading it. I love the fact that you introduced the mother right in front of our face but kept the identity hidden from her. The hints and awkward tension gave us the main hints on who the mother was but we still couldn’t be sure could we? 

 

I think the reason why I really love the flow of your story was because of its pace, it was pleasant and relaxing, with hints of suspense here and there. We weren’t given the true identity of the mother in like the end of the story because that sort of suspense wouldn’t be worth keep for so long. The reason why I love how you introduced the mother in the mid-way story is how she serves as a conflict between Junhyung’s relationship between Chaeyeon. And that leads to another side-story suspense because we don’t know who he is going to choose in the end. 

 

Plot: 13/15

 

I can’t say that the plot of this story was a complete original but it was fresh and a very relaxing read. What I love most about the plot is the suspense in between the story with Junhyung and Soomin and how it affects it in general. When I first read the foreword, I thought this would be a story that would mainly focus on Junhyung’s reaching-to-maturity as he starts to care and raise Soomin. 

 

However you added different elements to the story and usually these sorts of elements are quite hard to balance out but you did it beautifully. I find it really clever how you used suspense for the missing mother and how it led to suspense of relationship. Both are completely different things but the reason I love it is because it’s different, it’s creative and original. 

 

Now that the mother is revealed, we get the feeling now that it’s going to be one big family again and a happily ever after. But not yet… because with your suspense led to a different suspense in that we are given the biggest question on whom Junhyun will choose or realize his feelings for in the very end of the story.  I think you really balanced out every theme in this plot very well and this keeps it fresh because no matter how lovely it is seeing the growing relationship between a father and a daughter, it undoubtedly gets very boring. 

 

Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation/Vocabulary: 18/20

 

I don’t think there were any spelling errors in general, well nothing that I saw that was deliberate. I’m sure most of it was just some silly mistakes, that’s all. However I do want to point your use of punctuation, this is something I think isn’t very serious, so you won’t have to take my advice literally. 

 

One constant thing I notice with your use of quotation marks is the incorrect use of full stops.

 

Here’s an example:

 

"Dad wants you down in the living room now." he told me with a shocked look on his face.

 

What it should have been was this:

 

"Dad wants you down in the living room now," he told me with a shocked look on his face.

 

The slight problem with your use of dialogue is that you usually end all speech quotes with a full stop. However this is quite an incorrect use of a full stop because the sentence has not finished yet. Just remember that full stops should only be used in quotes when there is no “he said” or “she said”. 

 

It should look something like this:

 

"Dad wants you down in the living room now."

 

However if the sentence needs to have description as in who is speaking, and how the person is speaking, then just remember to put a comma to continue on the quote like this:

 

"Dad wants you down in the living room now," he told me with a shocked look on his face.

 

Very minor and correctable mistakes, other than that everything was near perfect. 

 

Final Conclusion

 

Characterisation: 7/10

 

In terms of the characterisation in the story, I felt that things were quite vague which is quite a sad note. Maybe it’s because the story focuses and revolves around the life of Junhyung because his whole life and character seems to overshadow all the supporting characters of the story. In a way, I felt like the story was all about Junhyung and it is but I also wanted to learn more from the other characters and what sort of personality and character they possessed that would affect the story. 

 

After finishing reading your story, it felt like there were a lot of secrets that everybody seemed to have kept. My connection with the other characters was lost because I couldn’t get to know them in general. I couldn’t really establish any understanding for the other characters other than Junhyung because their past, their thoughts and their personality were just hidden and cloaked. 

 

Or maybe that was just purely deliberate to deliver more suspense for later sub-plot lines? Or maybe you would be explaining the other characters more elaborately in the later chapters? 

  

Writing Style: 8.5/10

I really loved your writing style! There were a lot of hilarious moments and beautiful moments and it was all written so simply. I actually find myself liking simple writing styles compared to complex writing styles, maybe it’s because it’s more easier to understand and more relaxing to read in general. I sort of find myself drawing apart from overly complicated descriptive writing because I just get too tired from reading it. Yours is totally different. It’s simple, refreshing and beautifully written in the simplest manner. You did a great job!

 

Total: 84/100

 

Overall Enjoyment

 

To be honest with you, I’m a very bias reader as I only read stories strictly with the members of groups that I like. I don’t know whether to call myself a fan of beast and original characters story but I think it’s growing on me. LOL the only person I know from beast would have to be Kikwang and Yoseob, well I’m glad they were in the story. 

 

What I’m trying to say is that even though I didn’t enjoy your story as much as I would have because of the choice of characters, the plotline and your writing style was excellent. It was cute, hilarious and straightforward. And I really loved every single moment between Junhyung and Soomin. 

 

If your story had the right characters (in my mind) then this story would definitely be in my favourites list. Well apart from my rather random thought, I just want to say that I’m pleased with the overall mark for your story. It’s not exactly the highest I’ve given but in terms of my marking, your story is a great all-rounder. Keep it up! 

 

                                                                          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yep, this is a review i requested for. It was the first review i made for my story so of course, i was happy enough with the marks i had. Well, i only wanted to get opinions but i had to post it up based on the rules so here it is. And if i could get that type of marks for my exams, wow, that would be the best. Straight A's. Hope you guys conitnue staying with my story!