"Noona, what are you going to wear?" Daesung asked, peeping into my room as I stood before my closet.



"I don't know, Dae. Would this do?" I gave him a troubled look as I held up a simple white dress.



"Noona, wear what you wore to Top hyung's wedding!" Seungri exclaimed, popping up behind Daesung.



"That's a little too over the top, don't you think?" I stated the obvious, rolling my eyes.



"Go in pajamas, Haerin. You look cute in that." Jiyong teased, bursting into laughter as he entered my room and threw himself onto my bed, messing up my neatly folded pile of clothes.



"Ya! Get your off my bed!" I yelled.

"That white dress is fine." Taeyang simply commented, leaning against the frame of my bedroom door.



"Ok. Now get out." I demanded, dragging Jiyong off my bed. 

I closed my bedroom door and got changed. And as I was combing my hair, I heard exclamations from downstairs.



"Hyung!"



"Eh my brotha, you're finally here!"

I bit my lip, feeling uncomfortable, yet kind of glad at the same time. I grabbed everything I needed and exited my room. Immediately, I met eyes with Seunghyun. I gave him a soft smile, making my way down the stairs.

"You're here." I said, stating the obvious.



"Yeah. How can I miss Daesung's graduation ceremony?" he replied, smiling. Daesung grinned so widely, his eyes disappeared into thin lines. I laughed, patting his head.



"Are we ready? Let's go." Taeyang spoke. 

Once again, all six of us were packed into one car. I smiled, secretly thankful for this event. As Daesung chattered on and on about how nervous he was, I kept my eyes on the streets we drove pass. On a beautiful day like this, a part of me wished we could be out for a stroll.



"Hey Top, you got anything on after this?" Jiyong asked at the perfect time. As Seunghyun thought hard, my heart started racing. I hoped so badly that he'd be free. Yet a part of me hoped that he'd just go home to his wife so it wouldn't be so difficult for me.



"I don't think so." he finally answered. I unknowingly heaved a sigh, half contented with that answer, and half disappointed. Taeyang turned to look at me, giving me a skeptical look. I quickly turned away, avoiding his gaze.

I had a feeling it was going to be a long day. Whether it was in a good way, I wasn't sure. Because I've lost my judgement on what was good...and what would eventually tear me apart.


-

"YAY! Our Dumb Dae graduated!!" Jiyong exclaimed, ruffling Daesung's hair as he hopped around.

"Stop it, hung, we're still in the campus. My schoolmates might see us!!" he whined, struggling to get out of Jiyong's headlock.

"Ya, Jiyong! Stop abusing Daesung! It's his day today!" I defended Daesung, pulling him away from Jiyong's evil crutches.

"Haerin! How could you go against me?! You're supposed to be on my side!" he gasped in exaggerated disbelief.

"No I'm not." I said, sticking my tongue out at Jiyong.


The walk back to the car park could have been five minutes. But us messing around prolonged it to a good twenty. I constantly hid behind Taeyang as Jiyong persistently tried to get me to admit I was on his side, which obviously wasn't going to happen.


"Haerin, I'm giving you one last chance. Whose side are you on?" Jiyong asked in a threatening tone.


"Daesung!" I yelled. He gave a look of shock.


"Fine then. The war begins." he declared.

"YA YA YA. Shut up, alright? She's not on your side, she's not on Daesung's side, ok?! She's on mine. And I say I'm hungry so let's go eat." Seunghyun shouted above the noise. Taeyang chuckled, shaking his head at us.


"Daesung, what do you feel like eating?" I asked.

"Why does Daesung get to choose?" Seungri pouted.

"You can choose when you graduate too, Seungri." Seunghyun smirked.

"I feel like eating barbecued beef." Daesung grinned sheepishly.

"Then barbequed beef it is!" I enthusiastically announced.

The atmosphere was lively. Livelier than when Seunghyun was absent. I hated to admit it, but we were best complete. Even if Seunghyun never spoke much, his absence still created an indescribable emptiness in the house. I was determined to put aside whatever inappropriate feelings that remained, and simply enjoy this day with the five of them.

We talked, we laughed, and we drank. But among the six of us, Seunghyun drank the most. He drowned himself in rice wine, taking endless one-shots as if it was soda. Keeping Seunghyun in control would have been easier if not for the over-active Jiyong, who didn't stop encouraging Seunghyun to take more drinks.

"Stop, hyung, your wife isn't going to be happy about this." Taeyang warned. But it was impossible to get Seunghyun to take our word over Jiyong's. Not when he's that high.

"Top, this could be your last chance at this. Your wife isn't going to let you out often! Drink to your heart's content!" Jiyong yelled like a lunatic, his words almost indistinguishable.

Daesung and Seungri, though sober, had fun watching their hyungs do silly things and say ridiculous things.

"Hyung, are you going to give me your entire wardrobe and your headphones?" Seungri cheekily asked the drunk Jiyong.

"Take take take it all. " he exclaimed, waving his arms around as he spoke, "I just want my pink pajamas. They are sooooooooo comfy."

I burst into laughter with the guys.

"Forget it, oppa. Let them drink. It's so entertaining." I said, still laughing over Jiyong's confessions.

Seunghyun on the other hand, just laughed non stop. He could have been laughing along with us, or he could just be crazily drunk. We didn't know, and we didn't really care. We were too amused.

"Haerin, give Hwayoung a call and tell her Top hyung will be staying with us tonight. We can't let her handle him like that." Taeyang instructed. So I did as I was told and gave Hwayoung a call. I assured her that he was alright. And despite the worry in her voice, she was awfully understanding. She wasn't upset. My admiration for her took a great leap when she actually thanked us for taking care of her husband.

The perfectly sober Taeyang drove us home. I sat in the front while the four guys squeezed in the back. Jiyong was dead drunk by then but Seunghyun was still as high as ever.

"I like soju, yo. I like makgoli, yo, I like beer and and‚"

"Shut up, hyung!" Seungri yelled, getting annoyed with Seunghyun's endless rambling.

"WHY?! I like fruits and I like mangoes!" he yelled so loud, Taeyang almost lifted his hands off the steering wheel to cover his ears. That could have killed all six of us. But of course the only responsible adult here wouldn't let that happen to us.

When we finally arrived home, Daesung and Seungri helped drag Jiyong up the stairs and into his room. Judging from the way they so easily did it, I wouldn't be surprised of Jiyong woke up the next morning covered in bruises. Taeyang tried his hardest to get Seunghyun to obediently enter the house without causing a din. I stood by them and watched. I've never seen Seunghyun behave this way, so it was fun for me.

We finally got Seunghyun onto the living room couch. Completely exhausted, Taeyang went upstairs and headed to bed. I followed behind him, taking a peek into Jiyong's room to see if he was alright. Daesung and Seungri were taking his shoes off for him and making sure he slept in a comfortable position so he wouldn't ache all over tomorrow. Watching them take care of their hyung, I couldn't help but think that they've grown up. It made me feel all warm inside.


"How's Top hung?" Daesung asked.

We could still hear him mumbling random stuff downstair. Seungri laughed.

"I'm going to bed, noona. You handle him." Seungri hastily said, racing to his room. Before I could turn to Daesung for help, he too, disappeared, leaving me helpless.

"No, I DON'T WANT CARROTS." Seunghyun yelled at the top of his voice. I panicked, not knowing what to do to make him shut up. I quickly ran down the stairs and stood before him as he lay on the couch, singing a tuneless song.

"Top oppa, you should go back to your room." I simply said, speaking to him as if he was sober enough to understand. But of course it didn't work.

"I am in my room! And you are in your room! We are in our rooms." he mumbled, not making any sense.

"You're unbelievable, Top." I hissed, throwing myself onto the couch beside him.

"No no no no no!" he said, wagging his finger in the air, "Just believe and everything will become believable!"

"Would you lower your volume?!" I snarled. He turned to me, holding his index finger over his lip.

"Shhhhh. You're too loud." he whispered.

I swear, if it wasn't for Hwayoung unnie, I would have beaten this annoying jerk up into a pulp. Finally accepting defeat, I decided to stop trying. I sat beside him, letting him mutter incoherent rubbish.

"Dance, everybody, and drink lots of water because water is good."

I rolled my eyes, leaning my head back. Then all of a sudden, as if finally acknowledging my existence, he turned to me, frowning.

"Do you know what happiness is, woman?" he asked, swinging his arms wildly as his words slurred. His eyes were barely open, and yet I couldn't take my eyes of the peek of those brown orbs.

"No, Top-ssi. I don't." I answered, simple playing along.

I wasn't sure if it was a nod, or simply him letting the weight of his head hang.

But he continued with the swaying of his finger as he now limply lay on the couch.


"Happiness...is failing every test in school..."

I raised a brow.

"You're failing in school?"

"so she could sit down with me, and try to figure it out..."

My face fell.


"So you're failing on purpose?! What are you, an attention seeking seven year old?"

He shook his head violent left and right, protesting to my words even in his drunken state.


"Happiness is not paying attention in class...because your whole mind is on her. Happiness is waiting and waiting for her call when you know she's out with someone else...hoping she'll think of you. Happiness is seeing her wait by your school gate..."

His head now rested against the couch, not moving once inch as he spoke.

"Happiness is putting aside your favourite book for her... Because she might get bored. Happiness is watching her smile that polite smile to everyone around her...knowing you'll be the only one to see her genuine smiles later...Even if she hits you as she laughs."


"It's only because she's pretty that you'd find it a joy to watch. If she was ugly and laughed like a donkey, you wouldn't say the same. " I bitterly commented. I found it extremely annoying, that he was flaunting his happiness in my face, even in his drunken state. Hearing how perfect his wife is was the last thing I needed at that time.


"Happiness is watching her eat the ice cream I buy for her like it's the best thing in this world. Happiness is going along with her bratty demands, listening to her rant about the entire world like a spoiled princess. Happiness is when she throws me aside and then feels bad about it almost instantly."

He laughs, taking deep breaths in between.

"I never knew you liked bratty princesses. You are one lucky man then." I scoffed.


Ignoring my remarks, he goes on endlessly.


"Happiness is when she knows I'm in pain, and pats my head like I'm a baby. Happiness is when she ignores me when I ask silly questions. Happiness is when she glares at me when I say things that upset her on purpose..." he stopped to laugh, out loud this time.


"Happiness is when she screams at me and then hugs me real real real real real tight afterwards." he raised his voice, emphasizing his point. Then he kept real quiet. I looked over at him, wondering if he had fallen asleep. But his eyes were still open, despite him laying so still. And even though he was so hopelessly drunk, he still looked peaceful as he spoke of her.


"Happiness is when she tells me...the insignificant, worthless, pabo Seunghyun... that I'm her sun."


My eyes widened, darting to the sloppy man that reeked of alcohol. A tear ran down his cheek, landing on his arm. It took me awhile to realize the it wasn't Hwayoung he had been talking about. His eyes slowly drifted shut, leaving me stunned and my mind in a mess.

I watched as his lips mummered random things incoherently, my mind drifting back to that day 7 years ago.


-

"Rin, have you ever gotten drunk?" he asked, half hinting something.

"Of course not, Pabo!! I'm not even of legal age yet!!!!" I yelled, stating the obvious. He seemed contented with that answer, his lips forming into his signature smirk.

That night, we both lay drunk on his couch, laughing our heads off at the random rubbish that the other spoke.

"Oh gosh, Rin-ah... Aren't you afraid you'll get in trouble?" he said after calming himself down from his laughing fit.

"Nah. You'll get me out of it, won't you? You always do..." I mumbled, my words slurred so badly I wasn't sure if he heard me. But something told me he did. Especially since I woke up wrapped in the warmth of his embrace the next morning, only to leave him cold and alone on the couch.

And that afternoon, I left.


-


"Rin..." I suddenly heard him say. It wasn't clear, In fact, it was barely audible. But I'd never miss that... the sound of him calling my name so sweetly like he used to... I still hear it in my dreams sometimes. More often after I returned, only to face the harsh reality of change...and after his marriage, when my dreams were permanently dashed. His formality made me hate my full name so much, I'd rather him not address me at all.

But I guess living those dreams are still possible... When he's drunk.