“You know, Myungsoo, you are his younger brother, you are the one who supposedly visited him first rather than me. Aren’t you thinking that it is better if you visit him rather than just sent your greetings for him to me? I understand that Sunggyu-hyung just knows you as my boss at Infinite and not as his younger brother but visit him is not a bad things to do, after all you want it too, right?” Woohyun said. There were answers from the other line before Woohyun chuckled. “Myungsoo, everything already end! All the people that killed your parents six years ago already dead now! So why not start anew your relationship with Sunggyu-hyung? I think he will be happy if he knows he have an adorable but strong man like you as his brother.”

“I understand! I understand it so much that I am the one who opposed it the most about let Sunggyu-hyung remember his past but now I realize…that the past is not something that we can just abandoned and throw away just because we don’t want that past! The past is the one that make us like we are now! After all…we must face the future not the past, so…even though Sunggyu-hyung’s past is so dark and bloody, it doesn’t mean anything because the one important is his future…with us, Myungsoo!”

“…Because…admit it Myungsoo, you also want him to come back to us, right?”

Myungsoo just could be silent when Woohyun finally hung up with him. The black haired man’s eyes seemed lost and confused and he bit his lower lip in worry.

True, like Woohyun had been said to him, he wanted to go back to the time when Sunggyu still knew him as Myungsoo, his younger brother and not L, the leader of Infinite. But Myungsoo…couldn’t bring himself to make Sunggyu remember him as his brother, not when there was a chance that everything scary and bloody at Sunggyu’s past would come to haunt the brown haired man once more.

Myungsoo loved Sunggyu so much. After all, Sunggyu was the only one who would take care of him since he was a child, the only one who never left him no matter what happen. Sunggyu was the one who make him happy…made him laugh. Sunggyu was the one who make Myungsoo could feel that he was happy…despite being living at the dark underworld world where everything was just about ‘kill or be killed’. Sunggyu was his pillar of support, someone who made him felt sane.

After all Sunggyu was the one who sacrificed his life for Myungsoo. Sunggyu was the one who protested their father when their father decided that Myungsoo must underwent some killing training to prepare himself to be the next leader of Infinite, insisted that Myungsoo was too young to feel that bloody world. Sunggyu was the one who always got hurt to save Myungsoo that always got kidnapping when he was a child. Sunggyu was the one who always forced himself too far in his training to pass their father’s expectations…. And Sunggyu was the one who insisted that his father must gave the position as the Infinite’s heir to Sunggyu and not to Myungsoo, even though he knew perfectly that Sunggyu would never suit to be the leader of Infinite because of his weak health since he was born, and also because of his kind and caring personality.

Sunggyu sacrificed everything that he had for Myungsoo and willingly drowned himself to the world of blood, gun’s oil, bomb, and violence to give Myungsoo a chance to live normally like a normal kid. Sunggyu threw all his happiness and the chance to be normal for him, to let Myungsoo had a normal life away from all this Infinite’s business.

And Myungsoo…felt so thankful for that. Even if it just for a moment…he could feel how it was to be normal. If it was not because of Sunggyu, Myungsoo was the one who would be suffered in Sunggyu’s place. He was the one who would go to shooting training instead of played games with his friends. He was the one who must smelt the metallic taste of blood rather than the sweet taste of chocolate. He was the one who would accept the rage and grudge of all people that got killed rather than the compliments from his teachers. If it was not because of Sunggyu he was the one who would have his childhood destroyed, and not Sunggyu.

That’s why…Myungsoo would never let Sunggyu be sad too. The black haired man decided itself since Sunggyu went missing so suddenly, snatched away so easily through his hand, that he must wake up from this world of illusion that Sunggyu always gave to him and come back to reality for Sunggyu. Sunggyu did everything that he could to make Myungsoo happy, and now he would do the same. Sunggyu sacrificed everything for him all this time and now was his turn. Sunggyu always gave everything he had for the chance of Myungsoo to live normally and now…it was Myungsoo’s turn to do the same. He would not let Sunggyu sad anymore, he would do anything for Sunggyu to be happy. 

It was the reason why now he could be here anyway, as L. He sacrificed everything, his tears, blood, heart…anything and became L, the most ruthless leader of Infinite just so he could find Sunggyu...and gave the brown haired man the happiness that he always deserved since he was a child. He realized it now…it was his responsibility since the start. He would be L as long as he could…just for Sunggyu to live normally and happily.

Even if it meant that Kim Myungsoo must disappear from Sunggyu’s life…. Even if he must became L forever in front of Sunggyu….

Suddenly there was a knock at his door before the door opened and  Sungyeol walked in. Myungsoo looked at Sungyeol and smiled.

“Woohyun called me and said that Sunggyu-hyung’s condition is stable now,” Sungyeol said to Myungsoo. “But he is still weak and must stay in the hospital for at least one week.”

“I know, Woohyun called me already,” Myungsoo said while he ruffled his hair. “But anyway he is fine…so I feel thankful.”

Sungyeol looked at Myungsoo for a moment before sighed. “Why don’t you go to the hospital to visit Sunggyu-hyung, Myungie? I know you worry about Sunggyu-hyung and with see his condition with your own eyes maybe it will make you at ease….”

“I think it is not good for Sunggyu-hyung’s mentality if I come there. I mean, how is your feeling if suddenly the boss of Infinite suddenly comes to visit you after got kidnapped and almost got killed? Sunggyu-hyung would feel that I will come to scold him and think that he is useless, maybe even think that I come there to kill him. It will make him become more scared and frustrated than he is already is and it is not good,” Myungsoo said while he tapped his fingers at his glass table’s surface.

Sungyeol looked toward the black haired man in front of him in silence for several moments before finally sighed and shook his head. “I never say that you must come visit Sunggyu-hyung as L, am I?” he said softly. “Visit him as Kim Myungsoo, Myungie. Go visit Sunggyu-hyung as his younger brother and not as the boss of Infinite.”

And Myungsoo’s body immediately went rigid when he heard Sungyeol’s statement.

“No matter how much you want to deny it, he is still your brother,” Sungyeol said. “Even though he forgets you he is still your brother! Blood bond is not something so easily to be erased and forgotten! You still consider Sunggyu-hyung as your brother, right?”

“Of course I am!” Myungsoo exclaimed. “It just…I don’t want Sunggyu-hyung to remember me…. If he remembers me, it means he will remember this underworld world. Even though this is the place where he always belongs I don’t want him to burden himself again! He…he sacrificed so much things for me so it is my turn now! If I can make Sunggyu-hyung happy with me go away from his life and keep become L and not Kim Myungsoo in front of him then I…”

Myungsoo stunned when he suddenly found himself squished at Sungyeol’s chest when the brown haired man hugged him. The black haired man widened his eyes when he felt the taller, older brown haired man before finally closed his eyes and succumbed himself to Sungyeol’s peaceful warmth.

“Myungie…please tell me something…” Sungyeol whispered softly. “When is the last time you cry?”

Myungsoo looked at the older man for several moments before shook his head hesitantly. “I…don’t know. I can’t remember….”

“Exactly, you don’t remember, Myungie!” Sungyeol yelled. “You don’t remember anything bad that happened to you because you keep hurting yourself inside out! Stop sacrifice yourself and try to think about your own happiness! Don’t you realize that you started to break slowly but surely? At this rate, you will disappear as L! You will not remember that you are Kim Myungsoo anymore!”

Myungsoo just looked at the brown haired man in front of him in shock.

“You are not God, Myungsoo! You can’t expect yourself to be strong all the time without anyone to support you! You need someone to cry to, to lean yourself to him too, the person that make you remember that you are a Kim Myungsoo, and that person is Sunggyu-hyung, your brother that always protect you since you were a child, your brother than understand you more than anything, that always with you far even before you met me! He know your sufferings better than anyone, even me! Sunggyu-hyung is your support, Myungsoo! One thing that prevents you from go insane, so don’t even dare to say you don’t want him to remember you,”Sungyeol exclaimed. Without his realization, he unconsciously tightened his hug to Myungsoo’s body, made the black haired man winced slightly.

“You already hurt yourself enough…I don’t want to see you broken, Myungie…” Sungyeol whispered slightly while he started to sob at Myungsoo’s shoulder. “Sunggyu-hyung must be doesn’t want you to sacrifice yourself so much until you lose yourself like this too. Please…meet him as Kim Myungsoo. You don’t need to say it to him that you are his brother or anything, but please…don’t deny…that you are Kim Myungsoo when you are with me…or Sunggyu-hyung…. I don’t want this Kim Myungsoo to disappear…because this Kim Myungsoo is someone that I really love all this time.”

Myungsoo stunned for a moment before finally raised his hands and embraced Sungyeol. “I…will, Yeol…” he whispered softly. “Thank you…for giving me courage to do a thing that I always feared to do all this time. Don’t worry, I will not run away from Sunggyu-hyung again. I will visit him…as Kim Myungsoo soon, okay?”

“So no need to worry, Yeollie…I will never ever leave you….”

Sunggyu slowly opened his eyes. The first thing that he had been saw was the white ceiling above him.

‘White…am I in heaven?’ Sunggyu thought. ‘But why there is a ceiling in heaven?’. The brown haired man immediately tried to sit up but just ended to groan in pain when he felt a sharp jolt of pain at his head and chest. ‘Well…at least it means that I am not in heaven. It is impossible to feel pain at heaven. Does it mean that I…still alive?’

“Ah, I see you already awake, faster than I think you will be,” a sound heard from beside him. Sunggyu immediately turned his head and saw a black haired man that wore a white doctor coat walked into his room.

“Ah let me introduce myself, I’m Kim Jaejoong, the doctor that supposed to check you up,” said Jaejoong while he looked at the questioning gazes that Sunggyu had been given to him. “How is your condition now?”

“A bit pain at my head and chest…I think,” Sunggyu muttered softly while he tried to sit up again (with the help of Jaejoong), “But other than that I think I am fine….”

“Well…you got some broken ribs and a hit hard at your head. Your ribs are not serious problem but your head is. I think your brain got into a bit shock because of the hit, since the hit was quite hard.” Jaejoong looked at the files that he got at his hands. “Well…for now I think you just take a rest for a while to return your health. Maybe tomorrow we will do some appointment to check over your head, to make sure that there is no serious matter happen with your head or brain because of the hit.”

Sunggyu just nodded his head while he heard Jaejoong’s statement. His hand unconsciously went into his forehead, felt the bandage that wrapped tightly around it and sighed. Jaejoong did some medical checkup for Sunggyu before nodded his head and told Sunggyu to take a rest.

“Ah, Jaejoong-ssi,” Sunggyu called the black haired man while he already walked out, made Jaejoong looked at him. “Is there someone that came with me here before?”

“Ah, you mean your boyfriend, Nam Woohyun?” Jaejoong asked. Sunggyu just blushed while nodded his head. “He came with you but I asked him to take a rest before you wake up because I don’t want him to add the numbers of patients at the hospital. He looks like he is about to collapse because of tiredness and fatigue. He left around thirty minutes ago.”

Sunggyu nodded his head once more before thanked Jaejoong and laid back at his bed, felt the softness of the white hospital mattress beneath him. Sunggyu sighed before closed his eyes for a moment, thought about everything. Unconsciously Sunggyu started to bite his lower lip when he felt the fears and dilemma about his past started to envelope him.

Now that he already remembered everything about his past…about who he was, and about everyone that involved in it, what he must did with anyone now? How he must behaved to everyone? To Myungsoo, that he already left to suffer alone for six years? To Hoya, that  he unconsciously always manipulate all this time because he hide all the things that he knew about Woohyun and Infinite, and also about their parents? And to Woohyun…that he already forget all along these six years?

Sunggyu knew…that he couldn’t turn his back from the reality anymore. He couldn’t act like all of this was nothing, not when he already knew everything about him and his past. Sunggyu was not someone so heartless to let everyone though that he still didn’t know anything when in reality he knew about everything. It would hurt him…and other people more….

Because now he knew…that there were people suffered because of him and he must repair everything. He couldn’t just close his eyes and ignored all that sufferings…just to protect himself all alone.

He didn’t want anyone to suffer like this anymore because of him….

“I’m sorry Myungsoo, Hoya, Woohyun…for all the things that I had been done to all of you all this time…I hurt you and will always hurt all of you again and again…” Sunggyu muttered while he clutched the sheets that covered his body. “But I will make anything right…to at least ease all of your sufferings from now on…. Even though maybe it is something impossible to do…I will try my best to make all of you happy from now on….”

Around two hours later, Woohyun, that now already looked fresh enough after took a bath and sleep, walked into Sunggyu’s room. The black haired man immediately smiled while he saw Sunggyu that now looked like he was staring to nothing while pouted cutely in boredom.

“Gyu-hyung, how are you feeling?” Woohyun asked while he closed the door behind him and approached Sunggyu’s bed. “Since this is already lunch, I bring you your favorite chicken! I also bring all the things that you will need during your stay here!”

Sunggyu’s face brightened immediately with the mention of his favorite food. The brown haired man immediately took the chicken box from Woohyun’s hand and opened it. Sunggyu immediately took a bite and hummed while he felt the spices of the chicken while closed his eyes in content.

“Thank you, Woohyun…” he said. “I love you~~~”

Woohyun laughed while he heard Sunggyu’s sentences before raised his hand and ruffled Sunggyu’s hair. “I love you too, hyung. How is your condition?” Woohyun asked.

“I am fine, except with a big pain in my head and chest,” Sunggyu said. “Nothing serious anyway…. After all, you save me, so I fine.”

“Glad to hear that,” Woohyun said while he smiled gently and kissed Sunggyu’s forehead tendely. “I already informed L and the other about your condition, said that you are fine. Maybe they will come to visit you, so expect the others to come soon, okay?”

Sunggyu immediately stopped chewing his food when he heard ‘L’ name. He knew that Woohyun didn’t know that he already knew that L was Myungsoo…and that he already remembered that Myungsoo actually was his younger brother, but heard that name…really made Sunggyu felt guilty. It made him felt that Myungsoo really sacrificed his identity and real self as Kim Myungsoo and became L…sacrificed his chance to be normal just to replace him as the leader of Infinite. Myungsoo did that for him…because of him too….

“Woohyun, if you don’t mind it, I have a favor to ask…” Sunggyu muttered softly, made Woohyun immediately looked at the brown haired man in confusion. Sunggyu looked at Woohyun and held the black haired man’s hand tightly, like afraid to let go. “Can you ask L to come personally to me…alone?” he asked timidly. “I have something to say to him…and quite important too….”

Author note:

Anyway~I think the next chapter will be focused slighly to MyungGyu? Yep, I need to tell MyungGyu for a bit at next chapter XD hope no one mind about that~. Don't worry I will not forget Woohyun, Hoya and the others too XDD because I love all of them so much....

I'm sorry for all the readers because I so randomly add MyungGyu in my fic like this but...I think Sunggyu's relationship with Myungsoo is a vital part of his past and...I can't tell Sunggyu past without some MyungGyu in the way and Sunggyu's past is the reason this fic happen, right? So really sorry if you kind of disappointed with me, guys~

Okay, as usual thank you so much for all the subscribers and comments that I receive, it really make my day and surely make me very happy! Even though sorry that now I can't answer each of the comments, believe me that I ready every words of your comment! And I'm very happy about it XD That's why please, I hope that you will keep subscribe and comment, okay guys? I really appreciate all the comment and subscribe to my story that I receive, so please do that, okay? You are so kind, guys, I love you and once more thank you so much. My story will be nothing without you all-bows- XDD

Okay, guys, once more I love you ^____^. Have a good day and once more thank you~ ^____^